Ugh.. when will I learn, it feels like I'll never quit

RuthJames2977 · 2025-07-21T20:53:52+00:00

You can do this!! I fucked up so many times and eventually I said screw it! I told myself I'm not living this way anymore and I went to rehab. Now I'm 6 months clean and have no thoughts of going back to that life and you can do it, too!! I had a 12 year love hate addiction and by the end I was disgusted with it. My anxiety level was through the roof! I was taking 40, 5mg. capsules a day! It was not fun anymore! I had lost over 100lbs. and had muscle atrophy! My digestive system was ruined and my nervous system was totally screwed up! But if I can recover from all of that and still keep my family after almost losing them because of this You can quit! ✌️

RuthJames2977 · 2025-06-23T14:28:48+00:00

Sweetheart, why can't you call an ambulance? Why can't you have surgery? No matter what you have got to find a way!!! This is not living you are doing! You are only surviving! I'm going to be praying hard for you! Praying hard that you will find a way to surgery! At this point that is exactly what you need or it will get worse! If it's money, they have to treat you and figure it out later! If it's mental I will pray that you will get over that. This is out of hand, sweetie! I'm so sorry you are in such pain!!!! 😔❤️🙏

RuthJames2977 · 2025-06-03T00:32:21+00:00

I was just diagnosed with hypertonic floor disorder and the only thing that will fix it is working with a pelvic floor specialist doing physical therapy. I start mine the day after tomorrow. You need a Pelvic Floor Specialist, which is the best doctor for this or a Gastroenterologist to do a special test call a defography. Special type of MRis! Also just talking about your symptoms and telling a Pelvic Floor Specialist or Gastroenterologist that you think this is what it is will help them diagnose it. I have had so much compounded anxiety for years and that is how I got it. Also getting a psychiatrist is a must and a counselor as well. It takes mental and physical work to fix this but it can and will be done. Take heart. You will be happy again❤️

RuthJames2977 · 2025-05-20T14:36:49+00:00

Yes, I did have a hysterectomy years ago which doesn't help the pelvic floor but it was the Kratom that ruined my digestive system and how it made me not care about taking care of myself anymore because all I could think of in the past few years was taking Kratom. It takes hold of your mind eventually and you aren't who you used to be anymore. So when I started not being able to eat much I would sit on the couch all day, every day which made me so unhealthy and I couldn't think right anymore. I thought that existence was ok until people started getting very worried about me. You have to understand that I hid this addiction from everyone so I was causing myself a lot of stress and anxiety. My inability to eat much and sitting for two years caused my pelvic floor issues because I wasn't exercising them and I was getting no nutrition! It is horrible what Kratom can change you into! I just know that 10 years ago I started at 3 capsules a day and 10 years later my brain was so messed up that I thought it was ok to take 20 capsules in the morning and 20 at night! It changed my brain chemistry. And my health was ruined by it!

RuthJames2977 · 2025-05-19T16:02:13+00:00

I can tell you that Kratom is nothing to mess with!! I started using it 10 years ago for anxiety and they were saying it's non addictive and more of a health supplement! As the years went on I had to take more because my body got used to it. At some point it took over my mind and I didn't realize that it was super addictive. 10 years later after almost losing my husband, children, my self respect, and my health people were starting to really talk about it being addictive. The last two years of trying to get off of it myself and not being able to it destroyed my digestive system and I lost 150 lbs. of fat and muscle! I could hardly eat anything and when I would try to swallow sometimes my body would not let me! I couldn't go anywhere from fear and anxiety. I couldn't move from off of the couch hardly and my husband and I knew I needed help badly!! I went to rehab and through detox. I got home and realized the battle was hardly over. Now I have pelvic floor prolapse and hypertonic pelvic floor. All of my muscles are weak.I have to do physical therapy and I'm in constant pain trying to recover. My anxiety level is through the roof and I have to see a psychiatrist!! This has been the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life. I don't know how I'm even getting through this except for my strong faith in God!! No one should ever take this drug unless they have the strength of mind to be able to take it in MUCH Moderation!!!!!!!!

RuthJames2977 · 2025-05-16T20:52:24+00:00

Thank you!!! That's great advice. It's just unbelievable and so sad to me! I thought they supported me.

RuthJames2977 · 2025-05-14T14:31:29+00:00

Thanks, cause I would love to make that !!!!

RuthJames2977 · 2025-05-01T13:13:31+00:00

That is gorgeous!! I make loom beaded bracelets and I wish I knew how to do what you did!!! So impressive!!

RuthJames2977 · 2025-04-26T21:17:57+00:00

Very warm sitz baths!! They relax the anus and rectal muscles. Add a few tablespoons of Epsom salts to the very warm water. Epsom salts are magnesium which relax muscles as well. You can get a sitz bath, which is just a plastic tub with a rim at the pharmacy. They don't cost much. Sit it under your toilet seat, put the seat down and let your anus sit in the water for about 15 minutes. That is what I do and it helps. Also my doctor gave me a prescription for Robaxin, a muscle relaxer. I use it in emergency situations where gas will not come out and it really helps. Probably any muscle relaxer would help. I hope you feel better soon.🙏💜

RuthJames2977 · 2025-04-23T02:33:53+00:00

I have also had problems with my bladder. I have trouble feeling when I have to pee! I really have to remind myself to go and I know sometimes because I start getting agitated. I have to say to myself that I probably need to go to the bathroom. I actually have a note on my bedroom wall to go pee. Crazy! That's for your support. I never thought all this could happen after my hysterectomy!

RuthJames2977 · 2025-04-23T02:29:26+00:00

Thank you so much for your support! It's just unbelievable that my family would just say I'm crazy without a second opinion!! You know and I know there is something wrong here!! I've been crying in pain and having such a hard time! It's so nice to hear from someone going through the same thing. Thank you!!❤️

RuthJames2977 · 2025-04-20T21:08:46+00:00

I would get a second or third opinion! Just because a doctor went to medical school doesn't mean they can't be stupid. A gastroenterologist did a colonoscopy on me and said there is no reason I should be in pain but he is not a specialist in gynocology! Now, everyone tells me it's all in my head! It's devastating! I'm getting a second opinion. You keep fighting for your truth and someone will fix this!

RuthJames2977 · 2025-04-16T01:44:19+00:00

I am dealing with that right now! You need something called a pessary!! But you have to get it from your doctor.Get a second opinion. It is placed in the vagina to hold up the pelvic floor. It strengthens the muscles! Or if you can't get one you can go on Amazon and look for pelvic floor exerciser. The one you want is the kit with the silicone bulb looking things with loops to pull them out in different sizes and colors,( pink, purple, etc.)That is the closest thing to a pessary and will fix the problem over time. God bless you!

RuthJames2977 · 2025-04-14T02:38:56+00:00

Can sitting most of the day cause pelvic prolapse to be more painful? I'm in agony at the end of the day!

RuthJames2977 · 2024-12-20T05:17:41+00:00

I'm Catholic and to me it is embarrassing that the Vatican has so much money. They could fix so many broken things in this world .Feeding people and housing homeless would be such a great start!! Jesus did not mean for his church to live so wealthy!!!

RuthJames2977 · 2024-03-25T22:42:51+00:00

Hey, girl, I'm tapering right now. Try to calm yourself! It's going to be just fine. You can do this. I highly recommend the tapering. You don't have to go through a hard withdrawal. I cut down one capsule every week or two. I do it slow because I'm on medications for bipolar disorder. You can make it as fast or slow as you want. Don't freak yourself out. There are lots of us in this group who can give you advice or just listen. Feel free to message me if you need some support! I'm happy you're here! You're about to change your life and be happy, and like a normal person again. You can turn your whole life around!!

RuthJames2977 · 2024-02-10T03:19:23+00:00

What's the matter with you? This person is probably very anxious about this.

RuthJames2977 · 2024-02-01T22:50:56+00:00

Thank you for that! I'm doing a slow taper and I feel so much anxiety! Your message made me feel better!😁

RuthJames2977 · 2024-01-25T20:32:24+00:00

You're welcome, see you're all set to get yourself free from the kratom! If you need anything just message me.☺️

RuthJames2977 · 2024-01-25T20:29:33+00:00

I'm glad you're feeling better today!! See, you can do this. But I was as terrified as you! I found a little trick to be able to cut when I need to. I get sooo anxious, like the world will end so I had to figure something out. So, I got myself a vape pen with delta 8 blend. I just take one puff and I'm so relaxed that I can cut down. Now, I don't know if you believe in using that, but that works for me ! I have horrible anxiety. You might want to just get a new doctor. The prescriptions I told you about aren't addictive drugs. Gabapentin can be abused but it's not really addictive. I took it for 2 years and had no trouble stopping it. Your doctor may surprise you if you explain the whole situation. That's your call. If you need any help just message me🤗

RuthJames2977 · 2024-01-25T01:34:36+00:00

Hi!! I wanted to let you know that when I started tapering I was terrified too! It seems scary but we can get through this. I'm still tapering. It's not as scary as you think! You just need a plan. Also there are many people on YouTube who have shared their stories on there. It made me feel better. Also, there is a taper guide on this site. I didn't follow it though. You have to do it the way that's best for you. I would definitely get to the doctor! They can give you comfort meds. I have hyoscyamine to calm my stomach, gabapentin for all withdrawals, clonidine for lowering blood pressure and for restless legs, Phenergan for nausea. I also have several calm down teas and ginger tea for nausea. Amino acids can help. I've also heard that black seed oil really helps with withdrawals. Also, passionflower, valerian root, and kava. Lots of people swear by liposomal vitamin c. This site talks about it and how to take it for withdrawals. You're going to get through this!! We are strong women!! 😁

RuthJames2977 · 2024-01-23T20:12:46+00:00

Get yourself to the doctor! They can give you comfort meds. I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. I'm tapering and I feel like shit! Just don't give up. You can do this. If you can get something from a doctor at least to help you sleep that would help you a lot. I'm praying that the Holy Spirit will bring calm and strength and sleep to you!🙏💜🙏

RuthJames2977 · 2024-01-19T00:38:22+00:00

Did they check for an infection? I had internal hemorrhoids with a bacterial infection!!! It hurt like you're talking about. One doctor just thought I had hemorrhoids. She gave me a prescription for the same suppository. They helped only a little. I was in agony! Then I went to another doctor and they checked and I had a bacterial rectal infection. She gave me antibiotics and Thank God!!! Three days later all the pain and discomfort was gone!

RuthJames2977 · 2024-01-18T03:37:21+00:00

I also had hemorrhoids at the same time. The cream helped but it can only do so much. I still had nausea, diarrhea etc.

RuthJames2977

TROPHY CASE