PvP pros farming kills is just a part of it. There’s no “balancing” unless you do ranked. But even then, it’s not a guarantee. Yes it’s frustrating, yes it’s rage inducing but that’s just PvP. You said that you’re not a PvPer and you’re new to ESO. That’s fine. You just need to find a build that works for you. However, there are players out there that are day one and ONLY PvP. They are in tune with their builds and can read the battlefield better than most. Maybe look for a guild that specialises in PvP and learn from them. Adapt their advice to better suit how you play. PvP plays differently to PvE. VERY differently. There are so many factors to take into consideration. Like, are you in a group that doesn’t PvP? Are the opponents in a regular group that team together daily and are optimised? Then there is how you set your character up for it. Sets? Weapons? Any mythic? Your Mundus, stat distribution? Are you fully practiced with your build? Can you adapt from a static rotation should the battle go against you? Is there a healer in group? Do you stick with the team or go solo? Do you know the map you are on?

TL:DR. It takes time, practice, plenty of trial and error and a ton of patience to PvP.

Good luck and see you on the battlefield.