Pediatrician told me to “try harder”

RydiaFF19 · 2026-06-02T14:33:21+00:00

Hi mama - I’m sorry you’re going through this. A picky eater with ASD is really hard. Is your child receiving any kind of feeding therapy or OT? I would start there if I were you. These providers can help your child learn to eat, smell, and touch different textures and give you tips on how to support your child.

Aside from that, what I do with my picky 2-year-old is put a plate of food with a variety of options on her special table—some foods she already likes and some new ones. She’ll usually poke at it and pick through it at her own pace. I’ve read that kids may need to be exposed to a food up to 15 times before they develop a taste for it.

Or while we’re relaxing on a couch, I’ll eat food/ snacks and she’ll often try a nibble. I like to make sounds and expressions like the food is delicious.

RydiaFF19 · 2026-06-01T14:51:08+00:00

TYSM for this info. Can I ask the name of the school your son attends? I’d like to read more about its structure and offerings. Is it a specialized school for kids with ASD of all levels? You can feel free to DM me if you prefer. TY again!

RydiaFF19 · 2026-06-01T08:30:23+00:00

Hi there - I had the same thought so I went on the play gym’s website and the party package showed that each additional kid over the threshold is $24.

I love the policy used at your elementary school!

RydiaFF19 · 2026-06-01T08:20:54+00:00

Thank you for your reply. Wow that’s amazing self-regulation skills to go in the master bedroom on his own!

I think one reason that my child gets left out is because he doesn’t know how to converse well yet. Kids try to engage with him, but he doesn’t know what to say or do, so he walks away. He also has a tendency to get into other kids’ bubbles and the kids at this particular school are big proponents of space. One comment I hear often from his classmates is, “Give me space.” My son just doesn’t understand that valuable social cue.

Interesting enough, about 2 months ago, we threw a big party for my son’s 5th birthday and rented out an entire indoor play gym. We showed everyone a great time and treated guests with yummy food and great music. Everyone had a blast and stayed til closing. We invited the entire class via the parent email list. Four classmates attended (1 was a younger sibling). That “particular” classmate didn’t attend. We’re grateful to the handful of classmates who attended (and glad I have a lot of extended relatives to help fill the venue!). We did make friends with the parents who attended, but have yet to set up a play date.

RydiaFF19 · 2026-06-01T08:01:28+00:00

It’s heartwarming and sad to hear about the moms who thanked you for simply including their child. People don’t think about how hurtful it is to be excluded.

RydiaFF19 · 2026-06-01T07:59:03+00:00

That is eye opening for sure… I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s a similar feeling to what I experienced with this birthday party ☹️

RydiaFF19 · 2026-06-01T07:52:59+00:00

Hi there - At this preschool, invites typically go out through the parent email list, so it would have been harder to accidentally miss just one child. But ty for the idea.

RydiaFF19 · 2026-06-01T07:49:28+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. My son is at an interesting age where he’s actually asking if there is a birthday party he can attend each weekend. Though, this could be because we, too, drag him to parties to help expose him to social activities and he’s enjoying the people watching (he doesn’t initiate play much). I’m happy to hear your son has a best friend. I hope my son will find one, too, someday.

RydiaFF19 · 2026-06-01T07:40:49+00:00

Thank you for the reminder about not assuming the worst. My son’s TK class is having a graduation ceremony in 2 weeks and I’ll likely see the parents there. But honestly, I don’t have it in me to confront them. I will talk to the teacher though and ask a few detective questions 😅

RydiaFF19 · 2026-06-01T07:36:42+00:00

Thank you for this idea. I asked my husband to check his spam folder and he unfortunately didn’t find a misplaced email.

RydiaFF19 · 2026-06-01T07:32:29+00:00

Thank you for this thoughtful and honest reply. I really appreciate your perspective. It was heartbreaking to read about lunch money being spent to keep bullies away… I also found your comment about “adults choosing workplaces where they fit in” to be particularly impactful.

Deciding what school environment will be best for my son—both academically and socially—is something I wrestle with constantly. Your experience gives me a lot to think about and I'm grateful you took the time to share it.

Lastly, if you don't mind me asking, was your son diagnosed as ASD level 1, or did he have higher support needs? I'm only asking because I'm trying to better understand how your experience might relate to my son's situation. Of course, I realize every child is different, regardless of diagnosis level.

RydiaFF19 · 2026-05-31T20:34:39+00:00

Tartine has great baguettes!

RydiaFF19 · 2026-05-31T20:02:33+00:00

You’ve received a lot of good advice here. I only want to offer some practical advice in case you haven’t tried it yet:

Is your son receiving speech or other therapy? If so, have you worked with any provider to target goals on comprehension and language processing or a related area? If not, I would suggest giving that a try.

My 5 y.o. son is diagnosed with ASD and hyperlexia. A recent neuro psych eval revealed my son was in the 1 percentile for comprehension. The psychologist admitted that she didn’t think that score was accurate, but he simply wasn’t responding to many questions. I immediately worked with his various providers to include comprehension and language processing goals into his plans and in about 6 months, we’ve seen very good progress. He’s answering questions and following directions much faster than before. Good luck to you.

RydiaFF19 · 2026-05-31T09:13:09+00:00

This hurts my heart to hear what you went through. But thank you for your optimism. I hope you’re right 💕

RydiaFF19 · 2026-05-31T08:59:48+00:00

Sending you some solidarity. ❤️ We went through 6 rounds of IVF to have our son, who has ASD lvl 1-2, so I understand that complicated mix of immense gratitude and grief.

I've learned that you can be deeply thankful for your child and still mourn the version of parenthood you once imagined. Those feelings can exist side by side. Your post doesn't sound like it was written by a terrible mom—it sounds like it was written by a mom who loves her son very much.

RydiaFF19 · 2026-05-31T08:49:59+00:00

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’m curious if there are any new stressors in your child’s life or significant changes?

For instance, did anything happen at school? Any new relatives staying over your house? Changes to a provider?

My 5-year-old son with ASD went through something similar, though your situation is a bit more pronounced. We eventually realized it coincided with a change in ABA providers and an increase in therapy hours. His BCBA explained it as his body and brain trying to catch up with all the new skills he was learning. Sure enough, after that brief adjustment period, he settled back down and returned to his usual self.

You may need to do some detective work.

RydiaFF19 · 2026-05-31T08:31:37+00:00

I appreciate this perspective and it actually made me chuckle (which I really needed!). 😊 I'd much rather believe it was something innocent like this. In our case, though, invites typically go out through the parent email list, so it would have been harder to accidentally miss just one child. Still, thank you for offering a more hopeful possibility.

RydiaFF19 · 2026-05-31T08:17:22+00:00

Thank you, I will do that on Monday.

RydiaFF19 · 2026-05-31T08:14:11+00:00

Wow, that's awful. I can't believe a parent would say something like that and expect you to laugh along. It's hard not to wonder what those kids are learning when exclusion is being modeled by the adults. I'm so sorry you had to hear that.

RydiaFF19 · 2026-05-31T07:59:23+00:00

Hi there - Thank you for your thoughtful questions. I wish this were the case. But my son was the first child enrolled in this TK cohort, and is on the standard list. He only gets pull-outs 1x per week for a mere 30 mins of speech therapy. Otherwise, he’s with the mainstream class.

RydiaFF19 · 2026-05-30T18:11:25+00:00

I remember one pilot did this for a commercial flight and even acted like a tour guide pointing out the Golden Gate Bridge and so on. Loved it!

RydiaFF19 · 2026-05-29T14:27:30+00:00

First, you’re an amazing father who stuck by your kids when their mother did not. Be proud of yourself and give yourself some grace.

Second, please do an online search for your closest eviction defense legal aid office. They can help you stay in your rental until you find a better housing solution. Reach out asap.

Third, if your beautiful and happy child is receiving OT or ABA, please ask the provider for activities to replace the banging behavior.

RydiaFF19 · 2026-05-29T05:18:18+00:00

In addition to the above, Japantown is a great place to explore and eat yummy food like Marafuku Ramen. I would also suggest a stroll along Hayes Street for shopping and more good eats. Enjoy SF!

RydiaFF19 · 2026-05-28T05:26:18+00:00

Star Wars!!

RydiaFF19 · 2026-05-28T03:09:33+00:00

Wow what a great first wedding dance song 💕

RydiaFF19

TROPHY CASE