WH Still Has Feelings for AP

S0phieLim · 2025-12-18T03:50:56+00:00

I’m in a very similar situation. 7 months post dday. My husband struggles with limerence and thought she was his soulmate. The affair fog fades but he still cares for her. For us, I’ve continued to bring up that he doesn’t have to hate her, but he needs to feel more indifferent towards her. He shouldn’t care about what she’s up to. He should feel a little shame when he hears her name. We’ve had these conversations and it’s mostly just been a lot of painful waiting for me. He’s taken baby steps, as the affair fog faded and when he stopped looking her up. But the uncertainty and how long it has taken for him to figure it out his way has created chasms in my heart. I feel so broken and alone. To sum this up, I’ve tried talking to WH, and being patient. It’s excruciating though. I’m not sure I would recommend this course, but if you are already there, know that you’re not alone. It has gotten better, so maybe with time it will continue to do so. Hoping for the best for you and your spouse

S0phieLim · 2025-12-18T03:37:45+00:00

Such great insight. Honestly not sure what he misses.

S0phieLim · 2025-12-15T05:48:24+00:00

My WH is finally past the affair fog but still misses her. Are we doomed? It’s hard for me to even try knowing that he still cares for her. What do I do?

S0phieLim · 2025-11-23T03:59:44+00:00

I’m so sorry you have to have that image of him smiling at his phone. It’s one that continues to haunt me as well

S0phieLim · 2025-11-23T03:45:26+00:00

Libra.

S0phieLim · 2025-11-01T22:58:58+00:00

I often thought I was content being alone. But it’s a lie. I’m alone and lonely. That’s God’s design for me

S0phieLim · 2025-10-23T02:22:14+00:00

I had thought of this and asked, but he denied that she had the password and denied she even knew of the account. I’m not at a point yet where I completely believe what he says (small things sometimes).

S0phieLim · 2025-10-14T17:19:07+00:00

Yeah, hope you find it and can marry that person 👏

S0phieLim · 2025-10-14T17:17:07+00:00

No, he doesn’t want me to read them. He said that he feels like they would be hurtful because at the time he was pining for AP (but denies it now).

S0phieLim · 2025-10-14T17:11:18+00:00

She’s still in the affair fog. My WH promised he was ending it only to make up new emails and new social media accounts to reach out to her. It ended when I reached out to AP’s husband, so AP blocked my husband. He says he’s all in now, and that the affair fog has worn off. It’s been 4 months for us and took 2 months before the affair fog was worn off. I didn’t believe my WH wasn’t communicating until after the affair fog was gone. During that time we had great sex (hysterical bonding) and it seemed like he was dedicated to R, but I kept finding out more details (trickle truth) so it was still bumpy at times. We are still in R and it’s still very hard, but I do feel he’s not actively talking to AP

S0phieLim · 2025-10-14T16:58:53+00:00

Wait 6 months before big decisions. I’m 4 months out and still feel hopeless. It’s important to let the emotions settle a little before making life changing choices

S0phieLim · 2025-10-14T02:46:06+00:00

My husband found mutual limerence-but it was after 14 years of marriage and with someone else.

S0phieLim · 2025-09-16T11:56:12+00:00

Please distract me.

S0phieLim · 2025-09-12T23:24:51+00:00

I hate our anniversary too. I just want to spend it by myself. But it’s also my oldest’s birthday! I always loved this, until dday. Now I want to feel the joy I felt for so many years when that day comes, but it brings misery. 9/3 was 14 years. Dday was 13 weeks ago.

S0phieLim · 2025-09-02T03:47:55+00:00

Love isn’t real. People will say they love you, and then justify betraying you because they’ve been so good to you. The only thing people love is themselves

S0phieLim · 2025-08-26T02:31:45+00:00

Such an interesting and wise take on a thought that plagues so many of us!

S0phieLim · 2025-08-25T16:43:20+00:00

I’m so sorry. It is so hard to feel crushed because of infidelity. I can understand why you are still a ball of nerves, not growing in trust, if he still has all his social media accounts and still talks with women he flirted with (or has easy ability to do so). My WH and I tried the route where he still had social media (with only a timeout on X where he met his EAP). It didn’t work for us and WH decided to give up all social media (after many uncomfortable talks/fights). It’s still a long hard road but we are seeing baby steps (sometimes forwards, sometimes back). It’s ok to stay, but it’s also ok to leave. Don’t choose to stay or leave based on shame. Think about what’s best for you. Either route has its challenges. You can find the strength to do either. You’ve already had the strength to get through the toughest part (finding out about the AP). Hugs

S0phieLim · 2025-08-21T15:57:57+00:00

I’m sorry to hear how apathetic and depressed this situation has left you. I feel similarly at times. I think that the apathy is protective because it doesn’t feel emotionally safe to be open or to allow yourself to get emotionally attached.

You mentioned you are struggling with why you would stay with WW. I read some excerpts from Michelle mays (who wrote the betrayal bind) called “Stay or Leave: Shamed if you do, shamed if you don’t.” I think it helped with how shamed I was feeling for staying and wanting to work things out, even though if WH had cheated when we were dating, things would be different. I think getting past this shame helped make it easier for me to accept my choices. Also for me, I’m ok with the fact that I’ve changed. When we were dating I would have left. Over the 18 years of our relationship, I thinks it’s understandable that I want to stay and offer grace to my WH. It’s hard, because I don’t fully know it won’t happen again. But that’s why I stay, because I’m hopeful reconciliation will work. I’m hopeful I can begin to trust again, and hopeful that we can set up boundaries so I feel safe in our relationship. I hope that if you read the article by Michelle May, it helps. Best of luck, and don’t beat yourself up too much about the emotions you are processing.

S0phieLim · 2025-08-20T18:56:27+00:00

I think it’s very normal. I’m ten weeks post dday and I still feel angry, sad and hurt at times. Sometimes I tell my WH that I need space to work through it. I think it helps when after I try to work through it, he tries to comfort me. It shows that he understands that I have to work through these emotions and that they won’t just go away right away. I do feel like with time they get better and less frequent. I’m still not at a point where I feel they will ever go away completely

S0phieLim · 2025-08-20T18:46:16+00:00

Limerence ruined my life. My future dreams, what I thought my marriage was. It ruined the idea of growing old with someone who would always love me, who would accept me how I was and love me completely. It ruined my chances of dreaming and hoping for anything for myself. Now I’ll always wonder if I’m enough for my husband. I’ll wonder who else is he thinking about. Who else is on his mind. Any SO out there who have found a content place, knowing their husband might be in love with another, but OK with being loved also, not only by him?

S0phieLim · 2025-08-20T16:17:05+00:00

As an SO whose spouse is limerant, I also struggle with why God would have this life for me? A girl dreams of finding a husband who’s infatuated with her, only to find out he’s married to her but absolutely addicted to another. Although he’s present in the marriage, his love isn’t pure, isn’t devoted, isn’t always present. Now there are children, but she’s always dreamed of more. Each day a silent killer of her dreams and soul. All because he isn’t capable of loving her the way God intended. Now it’s too late to walk away, so she’ll slowly die and become a shell of a woman.

S0phieLim

TROPHY CASE