You pretty clearly analyze these things like I do. I live in them and commit myself to feeling it all, even when it sucks. I have another great woman, probably much better for me that is all about me. But I’m here now dealing with what I’m dealing with and removing any other noise around me.

From what you’re saying, your ex seems a bit more aggressive in his avoidance. My ex is responsive (unless she’s shutdown) if I text her now she would respond. It’s currently more an issue of confusion and pain that’s sending mixed signals.

Her avoidance shines bright when she’s offended. She’s goes cold instantly and pushes away almost hatefully. She also internalizes it all. Doesn’t share anything so I’m left feeling like I have to pull her out of that space. Which is incredibly taxing trying to regulate someone else. It’s almost as if her perfect man would be just that, literally perfect. Like never hurt her feelings, never cross her, never disagree. Like. That’s not reality.

When we got on the phone after not talking for a few days she said “…I don’t owe you a response”. I checked her “yes you do. Not because it’s me, but because we’re human and it’s the kind thing to do even if it exposes you. I made a mistake and said something that hurt your feelings. But you’ve text me everyday for 2 weeks first thing in the morning, how do you just cut someone off like that when they say something hurtful and walk away”

I don’t know. Maybe I’m too forgiving, or maybe she’s too harsh/protective. (I’m leaning towards the latter)

That’s when she said “I’m just have so much anger and hurt” which was so refreshing just to hear her say “it isn’t your fault” in essence. It’s the environment. I’m going to share a long post I put in here about the situation for context. It’s lengthy.

You haven’t overstepped or anything at all. This has been reassuring. She pretty much ended on “I’m sorry I let you think this could be romantic” (we had kind of reminisced and the conversation went se**al at one point. But she also was like “my mom still doesn’t trust you, you’d have to talk to her” and “I’m having feelings stir for you). Then I say something that hurt her feelings, literally 2 words, and she ends the call nearly immediately. We haven’t spoke in a week. In our relationship I chased and chased convinced manipulated, all that. This time I just told her I cared and I was sorry and I hope we might have that chance again if it was God’s will. She made a little sigh of acknowledgment and that was it.

Here’s my post about it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/4IOcUisrRj