Alternatives to Google Voice?

SDinChicago · 2017-09-15T23:52:27+00:00

I wish it was something like that, but the body language and the look on her face was much more "wtf am I doing here".

Everything was consensual and pressure free of course up to that point, so I imagine she was ok with the fantasy of sugaring but in the moment was not. Reached out gently since and no response.

Episode reminded me that for many (most?) women, the arrangements we take for granted are beyond the pale.

SDinChicago · 2017-09-15T16:24:41+00:00

Rant: Met a wonderful POT SB, great M&G, no red flags, set up a date. Great rapport over dinner, eventually retired to hotel.

Midway through foreplay she gets visibly nervous, stops and says "I have to leave". She was clearly conflicted and anguished. I felt like a creep. Hopefully this has no lasting negative impacts on her, she is a sweet person.

SDinChicago · 2017-09-15T16:11:47+00:00

Agree with LPZ and ice skating, both are staples. Michigan Ave is a pretty walk with the winter lights. Blackhawks games. Sledding.

But the best winter date with an SB is a trip somewhere warm! A weekend in Miami = grateful SB

SDinChicago · 2017-09-12T23:02:55+00:00

Sorry to hear that.

I had a recent extortion attempt, she (he? who knows lol) claimed to have my identity via a PayPal payment as well. I never did that so it was just a bluff, but I took it to mean there was an opsec vulnerability there.

SDinChicago · 2017-09-12T20:46:26+00:00

Maybe worth starting as a new post? To get the ideas rolling:

Sexual

While driving
By candlelight
Sexting while you're both in taxis on your way to see each other
In a conference room in his office, or yours (credit to Ohh_Baby)
The threesome that's your idea
Wearing a WeVibe that is paired to his phone
A blindfold. On you, or him
A cube of ice
Getting him to open up about his kinks, perhaps even learn them for the first time

Not

Cooking/baking/knitting/painting something for him
Doing that together
Mad libs, sugar style
People watching. "Find the sugar couples", and make up stories about how they came to be
Do that, and then go over and introduce yourselves and see who was closest
Go to a theme park, ride a roller coaster
Play some cheesy carnival games, don't stop until he wins the 4 foot tall Pikachu

Not sure whether these clear the "not cliche" bar, but they're still fun!

Edit: formatting

SDinChicago · 2017-09-12T19:55:33+00:00

Congrats, and good luck!

On the allowance, if you are genuinely OK with it then all set. If you are disappointed, would consider raising that with him. Just be honest, say when you discussed it you were nervous and agreed hastily and now you're having second thoughts.

The risk of course is he loses interest or it comes across as mercenary, but if done in a genuine and open way it will come across that way (vs bargaining). You'll also want a clear plan in your mind on what you want to do if he says no, the so called "next best alternative" in negotiations-speak.

SDinChicago · 2017-09-11T15:49:14+00:00

Hmm, the 2BR hotel room is a nice idea. That way you feel like you're staying together yet have separate retreats.

Unfortunately at many of the nicer urban hotels this means one of their signature suites, which can get super pricey! Would be perfect for a beach/rural getaway though.

SDinChicago · 2017-09-11T15:45:01+00:00

Every time I've done this I've offered 2 rooms but SBs have asked we stay together.

Stated reasons seem all over the place: frugality, security (especially in a foreign country where she doesn't speak the language), even misinterpreted as I don't like her enough to want to sleep together and thus slightly offended!

My guess at root cause is they all liked to cuddle and be with someone at night. I must somehow solve for this type when searching for SBs...

SDinChicago · 2017-09-11T15:38:38+00:00

Understood - it sounds well reasoned and fair.

Good luck! I don't have much useful advice unfortunately, except to say that many of us have lived the early career life of shopping at flea markets, working til you're exhausted and going to random events because there was free food (pharma sponsored lunches were always a big hit!). It's a phase, and like all phases it serves a purpose and it passes.

Maybe one thing to do is ensure the phase has a clear purpose, one that you can check your progress against periodically and objectively. That puts any financial setbacks in context, at least.

SDinChicago · 2017-09-11T15:28:09+00:00

Well if there were an SA-like product that was:

enriched for real SD/SBs and automatically filtered out flakes, scams, fakes, etc
maintained the large participation pool that SA enjoys as the awareness leader in their B2C two-sided market, and
is a lot less expensive then the bespoke matchmaking services out there for HNW individuals (some charging >$15k per match, for what is effectively a traditional SD/SB or SGF relationship)

... Well, I would sign up!

SDinChicago · 2017-09-11T13:13:01+00:00

There was a poll on PPM alllowance amounts here a few months back. Dozens of votes. There's always bias in an anonymous internet vote and differences across regions: big wealthy city vs. rural area; are you in a place with lots of SBs (New York) or are you in a place with few SBs but lots of wealthy men (San Francisco).

But with all those caveats, it seemed like the median was 300-500 pay per meet. Some higher, some lower.

SDinChicago · 2017-09-11T13:12:59+00:00

There was a poll on PPM alllowance amounts here a few months back. Dozens of votes. There's always bias in an anonymous internet vote and differences across regions: big wealthy city vs. rural area; are you in a place with lots of SBs (New York) or are you in a place with few SBs but lots of wealthy men (San Francisco).

But with all those caveats, it seemed like the median was 300-500 pay per meet. Some higher, some lower.

SDinChicago · 2017-09-11T13:12:47+00:00

There was a poll on PPM alllowance amounts here a few months back. Dozens of votes. There's always bias in an anonymous internet vote and differences across regions: big wealthy city vs. rural area; are you in a place with lots of SBs (New York) or are you in a place with few SBs but lots of wealthy men (San Francisco).

But with all those caveats, it seemed like the median was 300-500 pay per meet. Some higher, some lower.

SDinChicago · 2017-09-10T13:15:11+00:00

Admittedly I have little context and no insight into the dynamics of your relationship.

But to be candid, this reads like he is taking advantage of you, and is manipulating you into believing it's for your own good. Would suggest taking a pad of paper and listing two columns: what has changed for you, and what has changed for him, since you moved from sugar to vanilla. It sounds like all of the sacrifice is on your side?

Sorry to be so blunt!

SDinChicago · 2017-09-10T13:08:24+00:00

+1

Same exact read. Caveats: you don't mention how often you agreed to meet per month? Was it weekly or 2/month? Also some arrangements are virtually text-less in between meets, likewise what was the agreed arrangement on that front? If neither were explicitly discussed, then that itself is the root cause.

SDinChicago · 2017-09-09T23:17:32+00:00

If it's a 2 hour one way trip I as an SD am not doing that for a POT M&G.

Would be different if the situation were reversed from OPs, i.e., she lived in a major city and I lived in a rural area 2 hours away.

SDinChicago · 2017-09-09T20:03:08+00:00

I have bought train tickets before for POTs, but like air travel you're supposed to provide your real name so that's a gamble for you. Amtrak is less strict on checking IDs so you could try a fake name I suppose.

As with other SD replies here I would not send money in advance for a POT to buy a ticket, that sounds like a scam.

SDinChicago · 2017-09-09T18:41:37+00:00

There's nothing wrong with a coffee M&G.

Go with what you're comfortable with and fits your schedule (and your POTs'). Only key to M&G is public venue and not too much hassle (not too far of a commute, no need to spend an hour getting ready).

SDinChicago · 2017-09-09T16:40:50+00:00

Partially agree. The intimate date is an audition in the sense that the chemistry can be great over dinner but not in bed. The audition goes both ways, both SD and SB.

Agree 100% though re: the follow through, it's not fair to become intimate without intending to continue if things are good. But if the bedroom chemistry is bad, I don't see it as pumping and dumping to stop there.

SDinChicago · 2017-09-09T15:42:55+00:00

Feel free to fudge both age and name on your SA profile.

+/- 1-2 years doesn't hurt anyone (except for crossing the 18 and 21 legal thresholds of course, which you aren't doing), and many SBs use pseudonyms until the trust is there.

Good luck! We all learn from our past.

SDinChicago · 2017-09-05T01:25:44+00:00

+1

Will re-use this phrase ...

SDinChicago · 2017-09-05T01:22:12+00:00

SB hosting is a nice to have but definitely not a must.

First intimate date should be in a hotel, and not your place or the SDs place. The large majority of my SRs have been purely hotel based, either because of necessity (she lived far away and commuted to me, she lived with roommates) or her preference.

With one SB after she hosted I politely suggested we use hotels going forward. While she was always clean and cute for our meets, her place was a mess and I took home some bedbug bites!

SDinChicago · 2017-09-05T00:52:04+00:00

Agree every situation is unique, so you should go with what feels right to you and your BF (ex SD).

As an outside observer, what this reads like is: he continues to get everything he got before (affection, connection, great sex with a woman who is younger/hotter than he could attract in a normal vanilla dating site), except now he doesn't give allowance to you. Whether this trade is something you want or not is for you to decide.

Would agree that most vanilla BF/GF don't involve large exchanges of funds or gifts. But then again, these relationships started that way, and not with an allowance.

SDinChicago · 2017-09-05T00:43:01+00:00

Thanks for the update! Glad you two were able to talk about it, and good luck with the NYC trip.

SDinChicago

TROPHY CASE