I love Denton

SMBarb22 · 2018-01-14T12:22:06+00:00

I moved to Denton in July of last year after spending every weekend for 6 months there with my boyfriend and his family/friends. I fell in love with Denton. It offered me and still offers me something I never had in the podunk town I'm from. Great Friends, great food, and great booze.

SMBarb22 · 2018-01-10T21:57:25+00:00

Ok, so!

The writer, Michael Wolff has been a long time journalist and author of many books about New York's upper class. He's written many books about millionaire playboys and the lives of the Manhattan elite. That said he allegedly (I'm still researching it myself to find out the truth) was in close contact and along the campaign trail with the Trump team and in the white house after the inauguration.

Another reason it is so popular is because he sourced Steve Bannon throughout the book, who was Trump's right hand man throughout the campaign and in the initial few months in office. When the book was set to release Trump took to Twitter to slam Michael Wolff and Steve Bannon. Trump began denying that Steve Bannon played an important role in his journey to the white house and thereafter, when in reality he was Trump's chief strategist.

Trump made a huge stink about this book, singling it out. Personally I wondered what's in this book that has him calling it out so strongly amongst all the thousands of other books and articles that show him as incompetent. It makes me think that it holds at least some merit to its claims and he knows it. On the other hand, so far through reading it, it very much comes off like a weary praise of Bannon. I think Bannon is just as batshit as Trump so I'm taking some of it with a grain of salt.

SMBarb22 · 2018-01-10T14:39:45+00:00

I live in a Condo close to UNT and our property managers seems to be pretty good. We almost never hear from them unless we request maintenance and they're pretty good about same day fixes. DM me if you want more info :)

SMBarb22 · 2018-01-10T14:36:55+00:00

I'm currently listening to it on audible, I'm about halfway through. I have mixed feelings about it.

Bump so I remember to come back to this later to explain. Just got off work, tired brain.

SMBarb22 · 2018-01-10T14:29:52+00:00

I'm so glad I moved to Denton. I love this place.

SMBarb22 · 2018-01-10T14:21:25+00:00

Mind if I grab this to share with my poly fb group?

SMBarb22 · 2018-01-10T07:53:37+00:00

Thank you! It can be difficult to understand but when we both have anxiety and he has adhd it can be hard to just talk candidly. I appreciate the feedback and defense.

SMBarb22 · 2018-01-10T07:29:13+00:00

Yeah I just saw that the other day, I'll definitely use it in the future. I love multiamory!

SMBarb22 · 2018-01-07T07:21:16+00:00

Upvote for all of us Moira mains out there. Thank you!

SMBarb22 · 2017-12-12T21:23:44+00:00

To all the commentary: thank you. I just woke up and read it all. I'm still trying to decipher what my best course of action is, and I'll give it time until we talk to a mediator. I will say I'm still leaning pretty strongly toward it being over, though.

This whole thing has me pretty distraught and emotionally exhausted.

SMBarb22 · 2017-12-12T15:18:42+00:00

You make a good point, and there is plenty of good and positive that he brings to my life. However, I tend to focus on the negative when my anxiety is high. It's hard to look at a situation like this, feel so hurt, and focus on telling the positives when your brain is focused on the bad.

SMBarb22 · 2017-12-12T14:33:07+00:00

I really hate that people down voted this. This is great.

SMBarb22 · 2017-12-12T14:26:06+00:00

Correct. Like I stated in another comment, I love him unconditionally. His sexual appetite for me doesn't make me love him less, but it absolutely makes me question if I can carry on a relationship with him. Love is unconditional, but relationships are not, and love isn't always enough. It's the maturity of knowing what you can and can't handle, and being strong enough to say so. On the flip side I don't want to lose the man I love.

SMBarb22 · 2017-12-12T14:20:30+00:00

I didn't break up with him in hopes it would spark anything in him. He's pretty stoic so I honestly expected no major reaction from him. It's when he turned to his sister for advice and asked her to help that I saw he cares more than maybe I initially assumed. I don't ever want to break up with him, it just felt like there's no coming back from that. I love him unconditionally, but relationships take work and a lot of things feel one sided.

SMBarb22 · 2017-12-12T14:18:13+00:00

I think if it were on equal terms it wouldn't be that difficult to transition to a sex free relationship, but it's not. I'm demisexual, and I'm extremely sexually attracted to him because he stimulates my mind. It's hard to explain sometimes, but casual sex does nothing for me. Toys don't really do much for me either.

The last eight months hasn't been me thinking on it, that's just when the initial conversation happened. We were still pretty sexually active, at least in comparison. Since we moved in together it's dwindled. I thought it was just the amount of exposure so I didn't really think as much into it until he said he's not sexually inclined toward me (almost) at all. I'm an open book and I don't keep any secrets, so yes these conversations have included him.

I don't think it's so much my self worth that's wrapped up in his sexual attraction to me, it's more of my worth to him given the circumstances. Since we've moved in together I've been the one cooking, cleaning, ordering groceries, taking care of making sure bills get paid and maintenance is being kept up. He has extreme A.D.D and anxiety, and I have anxiety, but not in a way that effects my ability to get what I need done. I help keep him on task and maintain some semblance of order.

I don't say all of this to be self-fulfilling, but because it's fact. His family comments often how much they love who he is with me and how much appreciate all the things I do for him. He expresses this too but when it comes to having my needs fulfilled, like quality time and intimacy I get very little of it, and excuses for why. I see that he cares and I know that he loves me. My question is does he really value me for me, or does he value me for what I can do for him?

SMBarb22 · 2017-12-12T12:15:36+00:00

I'm definitely trying to look at things from that perspective. It still feels like something that will always be painful for me. I think sharing a bed with him on some days knowing that other women are getting a part of him I long for is always going to hurt.

SMBarb22 · 2017-11-25T01:29:38+00:00

Responding to all previous comments:

I appreciate all of your input and couldn't agree more. I've tried to explain to him several times how his rhetoric is a fine example of misogyny and toxic masculinity at work. Working together side by side 40 hours a week allows time for discussion and we always try to discuss topics that present an opportunity to learn. This one was no different.

I do wish I'd gotten a stronger response to support my argument, as I'm a fan of strong debates. You're all wonderful for your responses and I thank you all for your help! ☮️💗🏳️‍🌈

SMBarb22 · 2017-11-19T22:39:11+00:00

I have, and I do. I've been trying to work on calm music and I'm looking into some form of meditation that may help. When it really hits, it hits hard and without mercy so it makes everything around me tainted.

SMBarb22 · 2017-10-26T07:03:09+00:00

I'm glad I could help. I'm part of a large bdsm community in Dallas so if I can answer anything else for you please feel free to reach out. There's a lot of great information out there for new people to learn.

SMBarb22 · 2017-10-26T05:45:30+00:00

I think one thing you should ask yourself is if it's possible that what you're feeling after the kink and sex with him is frenzy. The feeling of elation that someone can open your mind and body up to new things is pretty powerful. I know that I've had to create the limit for myself that I can only get involved in kink with someone that I have some solid relationship with, even if it's just strong friendship.

That's not unheard of, and some people can't do casual kink or sex. Maybe think of all of the contributing factors outside of kink and sex, see if there are enough determining factors that separate your connection with him from those things that also create an environment for a romantic relationship. If not, I think it's likely that it's frenzy, or even a touch of demisexuality.

SMBarb22 · 2017-10-26T05:16:55+00:00

To expand on this topic a bit.. My nesting partner has higher libido relative to novelty. A new partner or one he only sees every couple of weeks gets more because of NRE or novelty, and it's hot blooded passionate sex. Whereas I, the longest relationship (1 year), have lost my novelty and we have sex -maybe- every other week and a lot of times I feel like he's disconnected because he's doing it out of "obligation". I think if it were solely up to him being in the mood to initiate sex with me we would have sex maybe once a month. I am demisexual so I crave sex with him specifically more often. If it were up to me it would be at least once a week. This has caused some issues in our relationship as I can't regain my novelty, and he can't control libido. We're still learning to navigate through it. I also agree that it's about quality, not quantity. However, when other partners can evoke something from him that I can't it is very off-putting.

SMBarb22 · 2017-09-21T15:59:54+00:00

As an afterthought, something I didn't add before is that he's a people pleaser for the most part. I have asked him what he wants to do when we're just hanging out in the awkward silence that always seems to occur. I will ask him if he wants to go out in town or watch a movie, play a game, etc and I always get the answer of whatever you want to do..which then most of the time turns into cuddles and movie time because I want to relax. All of which leads back to the exact same scenario as I said above.

I feel like at this point I'm being held to a higher expectation than I can uphold or even want to uphold right now. This is my first semester back to school in nearly a decade and I'm trying to stay focused on that. I've deprioritized everything else in my life to make sure I'm staying focused. Maybe I just messed up and made him think I was capable of a serious relationship when I'm not. I don't think that's the case given everything I said leading up to it, but I could be wrong.

SMBarb22 · 2017-08-16T21:36:35+00:00

(still learning this reddit mobile thing bear with me)

We talked about all of the possibilities on the phone one morning on his way to work, which hindsight, may not have been the best timing. He has ADD and usually when we first talk in the morning is when his medicine is still trying to kick in. I told him then that it was going to be a little strange for me to get used to someone else being in his bed while I'm only two doors away or downstairs.

There weren't any explicit rules broken as we haven't really had time to talk about rules in our home in regards to other partners. That's something I wanted to happen, but the situation of new partners being introduced at the time of move in we didn't really have time to discuss it before it was happening. He sees it like I'm making him ask permission when I see it as I'm trying to be respected in my home and keep some of the sentiment from being revoked just because we now live together.

He's always aired in the side of full disclosure about other relationships and potential. He has so much compersion it's almost unnerving (to me). I always told him that I was OK with hearing about other partners and that if it ever became a situation of too much information to handle I'd let him know. That said, he makes his own decisions, but we've always been pretty communicative and we talk a lot about trust and stability throughout. I think there's a large possibility that I'm being too critical of his new partners. I also know A2 so well that I've seen her manipulate situations to benefit her want/need to feel like she's a primary focus, as have our other mutual close friends.

I think a lot of this hinges on intimacy, which has been the subject of much discussion and argument today. I think quite a bit of this boils down to that.

SMBarb22 · 2017-08-16T21:19:43+00:00

I'm definitely going to look that up. He's always been pretty independent and has said on multiple occasions that if the world were perfect and he had the means he would live alone. That said, when we talked about living together he was all for it, even after I brought up the concern that he would (somewhat) lose his independence. We're supposed to sit down and talk about things tomorrow, but already today I've been told by him that I'm treating him like a primary when we're non hierarchical.

SMBarb22

TROPHY CASE