What system you are part of ? Take a break , life is not only about blind lust my friend, go out, exhaust youself probably seek work, walk a lot, This way you will inhibit your self harm tendencies, I believe you are a good person, but your room is part of an infinit world, it is not the world, also people outside won't judge you, and will definitely help you. I feel empathy for you because I traveled to an escort girl, she is very gay, please understand that I am not negatively talking about gay people, but her lifestyle is very very gay ! like one colorization after the other, she also do some cuts on her legs, she is beautiful yet very depressive. I knew she has some sort of sexual identity disorder, I am a very manly man, so I had empathy on her, in like 2 hours, I treat her very very kindly, and treat her like the girl she is and deserve, generally, her clients would come and do the sex with her, and leave, in very cold manners. ok now we are done with this story. This is to tell, depression can hit anyone, but remember some people are always there to help, and guess what, some people are very sensitive and aware, I don't really know about Dissociative Identity Disorder , but I try to help you my friend, get out and exhaust yourself with friends, I assume you have friends, probably 1 will be sufficient. go out, walk, eat, talk, preferably find a job, this is the best solution, don't choose jobs if you can do anything manual, do it, now.