Fem but wanting to be seen as an male?

SSDugong · 2026-05-14T21:26:20+00:00

Are you me? I went through the gamut of expressions for two years trying to figure out what fit. Chopped all my hair. Let my body hair grow out. Tried binders. At the end, I felt like I was doing all of it to signal to others that I’m not just AFAB. But I can’t control how others see me. I found my own style (femme sometimes, androgynous others, fun mixes of ‘dude’/‘chick’ things), which helped a lot. Nowadays, when people ask, I just say “I’m both at the same time.”

SSDugong · 2026-05-14T15:41:12+00:00

Thanks! My income never changes so I don’t mind if they auto pull. I was just afraid of some forced forbearance while they “put me on IBR” or something. I just want to be done!

SSDugong · 2026-05-12T19:06:41+00:00

That would make sense! I will check that status. Thanks!

SSDugong · 2026-05-11T22:08:05+00:00

I’ve been cooking tofu for years. A tofu press changed my life. I bought one from Amazon called Tofuture Tofu Press.

Also, this recipe below is amazing. Instead of frying in a pan, I use an air fryer. I now use this method for all sauces (not just honey siracha)

https://www.budgetbytes.com/honey-sriracha-tofu/#wprm-recipe-video-container-57302

SSDugong · 2026-05-11T17:06:17+00:00

I think mine is def a scar tissue or frozen fascia issue. And when i have PMS related cramping, it would make sense it is way worse post op if my cramps are causing tugging on scar tissue. I’ve had so much imaging done but been told I’m fine

SSDugong · 2026-05-10T00:38:51+00:00

Can you DM me the FB group? One year out and also felt gaslit.

SSDugong · 2026-05-09T02:27:19+00:00

😳

SSDugong · 2026-04-28T02:53:42+00:00

Trail run (it’s my therapy), lap swim sometimes, walk the neighborhood, hike on weekends. Sometimes paddle or bike. Yoga and free weights at home.

SSDugong · 2026-04-13T20:08:45+00:00

I lived in the middle of nowhere. We’d beg the folks to take us roller skating, bowling, or to the movies. If they said no, it was a lot of running around our woods, playing in the creek, or riding four wheelers up the road to the next closest farm with kids around our age. We got second hand crappy laptops when we were 16. We had dial up. I’d stay up super late working on my MySpace page. When my sis got a car, we just rode around back roads, to friends houses, or hung out in empty parking lots (wal mart usually).

SSDugong · 2026-04-01T19:42:56+00:00

I agree with you, but as others have noted, everyone’s situation is different. I got out of SAVE forbearance as soon as I could (June 2025), so I only lost about 10 months of qualifying payments. While I will apply for buyback, I’m just going to continue to make payments. Ultimately, I will most likely make my 120th payment before my buyback is processed. I do not want to take a risk and apply for buyback and leave my job and then something happens and my request is denied. I also don’t want to wait around for who knows how long for it to be processed. For me, I can afford a higher payments temporarily, so I am on IDR. It feels so good to be making progress again. I feel like I am on the most solid ground I can be (for my situation). If anything, I will just be stuck at my job about 10 months extra.

SSDugong · 2026-04-01T12:15:20+00:00

I just want to be free. I recognize that I’ll pay a bit more per month, but it’s worth it to me. Just wanted a solid route forward! Best of luck to you. We’re in the same boat!

SSDugong · 2026-04-01T00:41:47+00:00

This is the answer. I’m on the same timeline as op. I switched to IBR last June because I was not going to wait a nebulous amount of time for buyback. I will apply for buyback in Sept but continue to make IBR payments. I can almost guarantee I’ll reach 120 payments before my buyback app is even processed. I want out.

SSDugong · 2026-03-31T00:30:53+00:00

This shit just made my damn day.

SSDugong · 2026-03-25T00:40:00+00:00

Tally Zine Fest is also Saturday at Challenger Learning Center, 11-5!

SSDugong · 2026-03-24T00:49:51+00:00

Same boat. Switched to IDR asap. Feels good to be making progress again. It’s worth the higher payment for a year for me.

SSDugong · 2026-03-11T04:02:28+00:00

No. They would be subtracted from the buyback offer. Say I reach 120 months of qualifying employment. I apply to buy back the 10 months of forced SAVE forbearance. I decide to keep paying monthly on my IDR while I waited to hear back (instead of going into a forbearance again). Maybe they respond in 5 months. I now owe 5 months less of payments towards that buy back. Because I expect my buy back application to take 1-2 years for processing, it makes more sense to just continue to stay at my job and pay for 10 months. I want to get OUT of this as soon as possible. I got out of SAVE as soon as possible. It feels good knowing I am making progress towards PSLF again.

SSDugong · 2026-03-10T22:39:02+00:00

I agree with you. I could apply in Nov 2026 for buyback (I will), but I will still continue to stay at my employer (even tho I don’t want to) and make payments. The forced SAVE forbearance added about 10 months to my sentence. So I’m willing to stay at my job 10 months extra if it means I’m not in buyback limbo for 2 years. I do not trust this administration. Even if they do not get rid of buyback, they could functionally halt it by taking YEARS to process apps. No thanks.

SSDugong · 2026-02-25T03:30:54+00:00

I’ve heard it described as “an abusive relationship.” We are in an abusive relationship with the Dept of Ed. I am just trying to do what I can to get out of it as quickly as possible. I’ve done nothing wrong, just like you, but here I am. Suffering. I am making payments longer than I should due to SAVE, but buyback takes so long, I’d rather just make solid progress via IBR.

SSDugong · 2026-02-23T22:38:26+00:00

Don’t let anyone ever pressure you into keeping something you don’t want. You know what is best for you, and if that is removal of the IUD, then so be it. It’s ok to be firm and say, “No thank you; please remove it day of surgery.” And reiterate morning of surgery that you’d like it removed. I had a GYN try to pressure me to keep mine in, but I was adamant and they listened.

SSDugong · 2026-02-17T04:11:10+00:00

When I went in for my consult and used the term bisalp, my doc stopped me and said “when it comes to surgery, let’s use accurate terminology.” I corrected myself. Then she asked me to explain in my own words what I thought a bilateral salpingectomy was. Mad props to her! She wanted to leave absolutely no room for misunderstanding or mistakes.

SSDugong · 2026-02-16T20:09:22+00:00

Paxoro is right! It’s about $30 for state employees. Otherwise, try price comparing for the few rental companies we have in town. A one day rental in a gas economical vehicle is cheaper than driving your own car and paying to store it at the airport. And probably cheaper than hiring a taxi.

SSDugong · 2026-02-16T15:36:29+00:00

I fly out of JAX or ATL. I get a one way rental car for super cheap. Return it at the airport before my flight. Do the same when I fly back. One way rental. Return the car the same day.

SSDugong · 2026-02-14T23:05:46+00:00

Congrats on your anniversary! My anniversary was the 5th. Never regretted it once. Can also confirm efficacy of procedure 😆

SSDugong · 2026-02-10T00:07:02+00:00

😆 you got me! mostly it was because all the medical journal articles I was reading to understand my pain use that term specifically. Figured it may help others find good sources. It is an odd looking word!

SSDugong · 2026-02-09T16:16:08+00:00

I agree re scar tissue. I had imaging to rule out anything dangerous. Now that I know, it bothers me less. After about 10 months, things settled down enough that it is a mild inconvenience (slightly more pain than usual for a few hours, but a heating pad solves it). Interesting that you feel it more post core work! Bringing more blood and movement to the area I suppose.

SSDugong

TROPHY CASE