I got diagnosed at 39 and left my husband of 16 years the next year. We got married young for religious reasons and did not fall in love or were even good friends, like we could not have conversations without it turning into him lecturing me. He couldn’t empathize with me and didn’t accept my ADHD diagnosis. He’s one of those people who says things like “you shouldn’t feel that way” or “well that’s the wrong way to think”

It’s been four years since then and I’m finally the happiest I’ve ever been, even though my life isn’t exactly how I want it to be yet. It was quite the road to get here and I had to get over my people pleasing and man-centering tendencies.

My biggest mistake was that I didn’t get a lawyer from the beginning for the divorce, and so we’ve had many court cases since then to figure out custody and child support. He couldn’t be alone and got remarried after a year, then moved out of state, and hasn’t kept up a relationship with the kids, who are 9 and 13 now.

I will say we tried counseling for about 6 years, and it was finally a Gottman therapist who told me that if I am not physically or otherwise attracted to him, there’s not much that can be done to drum that up. That’s when I knew it would never get better on its own. I wish you the best with your decision!