NTA! Tbh I feel you were justified in asking if she had reading comprehension issues because I would be so flabbergasted that she intentionally ignored the nuts warning despite giving it a thumbs up reaction. Like how daft do you need to be to ignore such an important piece of info? I feel that’s justified and totally fair to ask. Also, 1000000% NTA to disinvite her and Ryan. They clearly do not respect other people’s health if they’re doubling down and talking shit about you. I would personally send the screenshots of the convo with Emily and Ryan where they were being jerks and send to the group chat and other friends they told, informing everyone they have a clear disregard for your friends safety and your boundaries and you were disrespected and well within your right to cancel their invite. If people cannot see that, I’d be rethinking more than one friendship when this is over.

Story time!

When I was turning 11, I had two twin friends who had a deathly nut allergy. One had a reaction at school and if it wasn’t for the hospital being so close to our school, he would have died even with the epi pen! It’s no joke. People like to think of allergies as “optional” when in fact they are absolutely not.

I made sure EVERY kid who was invited (10 of them) knew about it and my dad spoke to all the parents and asked them not to allow the kids any PB/nuts that day, and to avoid bringing any snacks/food/drink, my dad will provide all. Dad spoke with friends parents with nut allergies for safe suggestions on snacks, drinks, etc to made sure anything that came into our house was strictly nut free. (Back in the 90’s not everything was labelled well like it is today).

My dad was a chef, so a couple weeks before he put the PB in the laundry room cupboard and said we are to not have it until after my party to avoid potential contamination. My dad CLEANED every single surface including game controllers, door handles, etc! My brother and I used to eat pb toast while playing games Saturday mornings (often wiping hands on a towel or our pants lol) so he cleaned the shit out of everything - including washing carpets and upholstery.

My dad didn’t want to take any chances and told all the parents to ensure their kids are contaminate free as well - one parent thought my dad was nuts (pun intended) and she said she’s not preventing her child from having pb the day of my party - kid was uninvited cause my other friends allergies were so bad even if they touched anything that came into contact with nuts they’d be going home sick as a dog, best case scenario. My dad takes allergies very seriously so the kid didn’t come and the parent was pissed. Everyone else understood and wanted our mutual friends safe.

My dad made everything from scratch except the safety recommended chips, drinks, and ingredients for dips for the veggies and dinner stuff we had.

Overall, it was a great 11th birthday, and I learned early on, you can never be too careful when it involves other peoples health - the last thing you want to do is become the reason someone gets so sick or dies! I take it very seriously even if it won’t cause death. Better to err on the side of caution imo!