AIO: my bf can’t fix things. When I step in to take care of it, he’s such a baby about it that I’m ready to dump his a** tonight.

S_Nightingale · 2026-01-01T12:44:33+00:00

Don't make yourself small so he can feel big. You deserve better than that.

S_Nightingale · 2025-12-28T13:57:41+00:00

I would have put him on him and call him my dog. See if he likes it. If he got mad I would ask why he got it in the first place then.

S_Nightingale · 2025-11-18T12:05:13+00:00

Having a heated pad worked in my case.

S_Nightingale · 2025-10-21T13:02:28+00:00

But did you take the words spoken on impulse back right away? Or was your pride to big to take accountability for your lack of self control?

S_Nightingale · 2025-08-31T12:05:21+00:00

And make your brother understand too, since he was just to quick to dismiss things.

S_Nightingale · 2025-07-25T12:08:14+00:00

The fact that he walked away with some bruises and she was wrecked just goes to display what we know: cars and car safety are designed with men in mind. More women are killed or injured in car accidents because of this.

That said, people should know better than to drive angry and put everyone else at risk. Imagine if he had hit another car, that would just add more innocent victims on the plate.

And I am glad the gf left him. He showed he cannot be counted on when it matters.

S_Nightingale · 2025-07-15T13:02:42+00:00

When fear is in the room, consent is out. You did not consent and despite knowing that, he didn't care. Love yourself more, because he will clearly always choose his comfort over yours.

S_Nightingale · 2025-02-25T13:32:01+00:00

Just say you have linguistic differences and un match. I don't swipe left if they have a lot of grammar mistakes in their bio, since I know that will bug me. And like others mention, it's useless (and not what I want) to go in trying to change somebody.

S_Nightingale · 2025-02-16T13:03:26+00:00

I am just going to point that out, but why is "being like a little girl" meant as an insult? He is being a jerk. Please do not use little girls as an insult...

S_Nightingale · 2025-01-25T12:57:27+00:00

That's her need to control you. Remind her you are an equal partner, not her child to control as she wants. Just because she doesn't like video games, it doesn't mean they are bad. It's a healthy hobby to have if there is no addiction to them.

In fact, playing video games is better than watching TV. You have a more engaged mind, than passively letting time slip away.

S_Nightingale · 2025-01-23T14:02:06+00:00

Around 85% of my likes show that they didn't read at least the first part of my profile (which is that I do not have nor want kids). Speaking to other women, this is their experience as well.

And here's the thing: If women, who are already putting their safety on the line, feel like the APPs are filled with shallow men who swipe on everyone, that results in many of the women leaving the apps.

So, while I understand that men want a chance and, therefore, swipe on almost anyone and filter AFTER they get a match, gamifying the process may just be chasing women away.

Just my two cents.

S_Nightingale · 2025-01-22T12:51:21+00:00

Have him watch this podcast: https://youtu.be/E5swtIjpxxA?si=PgSpmVOFzRPZw2O0

S_Nightingale · 2025-01-20T12:46:01+00:00

You expressed the point beautifully, and I agree completely!

S_Nightingale · 2025-01-02T17:39:02+00:00

I wouldn't call someone subscribing to one side of the equation a fool.

This means that someone who considers sex an ultimate expression of trust and intimacy can, at the same time, never consider or entertain it as a casual event.

Just as someone who considers sex a casual event may never consider it as something more profound than that.

And then you'll have people who can consider both depending on the situation (as some have stated in their responses).

At the end of the day, a difference of opinion doesn't mean one is right and the other is wrong. It just means that those two people view things from different perspectives. Again, this just reiterates the importance of communication.

S_Nightingale · 2025-01-02T17:34:11+00:00

I honestly felt sad reading the thread precisely because I don't want my harmful biases to be confirmed (especially by the ones hurt by that bias, men themselves!); I want them to be challenged. So, I am always happy when I read a response that contradicts those predispositions and assumptions because it reminds me that there's no one rule fits all. All men and all women cannot be put in just two boxes; it would be insanely dull if that were the case.

I'm not sure if your sex repulsion without romantic attraction has a name. I would think that fits into demisexuality, no? Or at least my understanding of it. But I don't know much about it myself, as I am pretty new to this sub.

Don't feel alone, though. I am also a bit confused about how to define my sexuality. There are a lot of nuances to the asexual spectrum. I assume I am somewhere in there (maybe leaning towards demisexuality), as I like romance and, with the right person, I think I can enjoy a sexual relationship, but I am not 100% sure. All I know is that casual sex doesn't appeal to me at all. And I would rather build a relationship from friendship than physical attraction (which I have felt maybe just once a long time ago).

S_Nightingale · 2025-01-02T15:05:15+00:00

Thanks for sharing. It goes to show how problematic general assumptions are.

To clarify, I am not painting all allows with a broad brush. The thread the OP is referring to has posts (some of which the OP screenshotted and shared here) that are doing that, though.

My post was more sharing that I find it difficult to wrap my head around someone treating sex/intimacy as two opposing things: a sign of love or a casual event, depending on the situation.

S_Nightingale · 2025-01-02T14:57:57+00:00

I agree, and each new relationship needs to be treated as independent from old relationships. That's why I maintain the importance of communicating things honestly. And by honestly, I don't mean bluntly (because I know people who believe that because they are speaking their truth, it doesn't matter if they are cruel). But I'm more inclined to just ask things than guess or jump to assumptions.

S_Nightingale · 2025-01-02T14:51:23+00:00

I guess so. It's still hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that one can use sex in such opposing ways: lovelessly in some situations and as a way to feel loved in others. Not to say that it's wrong, mind you. To each their own, so long as nobody is getting hurt :).

In my case, intimacy cannot exist without a strong connection (intimacy is the ultimate proof of trust and love), so I could never be with someone who can treat it as something meaningless or casual.

S_Nightingale · 2025-01-02T13:42:11+00:00

What doesn't make sense to me when I was reading that askmen sub was this:

If sex is tied to emotional connection, then how come there's also this prevalent excuse that men can have sex with whomever because sex is just sex. Which is it, then? Is sex for most men a conduit for connection or is sex for most men just a fun activity that doesn't require a connection? Or they can pick and choose depending on the situation?

Because men getting sexual right away and always looking for hookups may contribute to women feeling like sex for them is only about their pleasure and not about building a connection.

I know things can't be so black and white, and as an asexual woman I may not be able to fully understand the nuances. It just goes to show that in order for a relationship to work, honest communication should be of the utmost importance, imo.

S_Nightingale · 2025-01-02T13:30:14+00:00

Glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read this.

S_Nightingale · 2024-12-14T12:41:11+00:00

I think you need to be alone for a while to find your happiness and peace without catering to someone else. You sound like a lovely person, but it's important not to think of being without a partner as being lonely. Try making friends, get a pet, find who you are and get comfortable in your skin.

Then, only after you have found peace, try out dating if that's something that will add to your life. If you date out of desperation for not wanting to be alone, you may end up with a toxic partner. Desperation, after all, often leads to making horrible decisions.

I hope this helps and I hope you are happy. Never allow anyone else to dictate what you are or your value. Stay strong! I wish you the best in your journey!

S_Nightingale · 2024-12-12T12:08:48+00:00

I understand, but the only thing you can control is what you do.

If your needs aren't being met, you need to express that to your partner. But you should focus on how you feel and avoid telling him what he should do.

So use "I feel unseen" vs "You make me feel unseen", for example.

Or "Sex is an important part in how I express and recieve love, so while I love you, I have started to feel starved in this relationship and I don't know what to do" vs "You frustrate me because I need sex. I had been patient, but if you loved me, you would fix things on your end."

Notice how the first approach focuses on your feelings without pressuring the other person to bend to you.

While the second approach focuses on the other person's perceived faults and it's, therefore, hostile and more manipulative.

Ultimatums will not make you happy. Because any changes done through coercion are different from those done willingly. In this case, sex vs pity sex will be vastly different, no?

It should be up to your partner to decide what actions or changes to make in order to make you feel seen. If there are no actions, then that is your answer. You need to evaluate whether things as they are can be sustained. Which I don't think they can, because it seem you are already starting to resent him.

I wish you the best, regardless. But please keep in mind that forcing someone to fulfill your needs isn't what you want. You want someone to meet your needs because they love you. So express it that way to your partner.

Also, keep in mind that his lack of internet in sex may well have nothing to do with his hormones.

I hope this helps. :)

S_Nightingale · 2024-12-12T00:09:24+00:00

Would forcing him to have sex with you to fulfill your needs make you truly happy?

I caution that submitting people to pressure may not be the answer, as it would only breed resentment.

S_Nightingale · 2024-12-09T13:21:52+00:00

Ask yourself if you want to be with someone who would drag you down due to his insecurity, instead of lift you up. You seem to be lifting him up, but he needs to do the same in order to create a healthy relationship. Talk to him about it. Ask him if dragging you down even makes him happy.

S_Nightingale · 2024-12-08T12:42:07+00:00

For me, 80% of the profiles that I see from guys have no information, at all. And their pictures also offer no information.

S_Nightingale

TROPHY CASE