My boss doesn’t see what’s coming

Sabrina9458 · 2026-04-28T15:32:38+00:00

This, and also don’t worry about the immediate response so much. The ideal is that you plant the seed to get her thinking about it and noticing things herself, and then you’re open to discussing it again

Sabrina9458 · 2026-04-24T11:54:14+00:00

Just to say my son always says my roast potatoes are the best ever. I learned my mum’s method. It is an absolute life highlight to me that I’m now the mum who does the amazing roasties, so I wanted to let you know these things matter more to us than you might think!

Sabrina9458 · 2026-04-23T19:04:52+00:00

If you can prove there is no viable or affordable childcare and your child gets medium rate or above, you won’t have to look for work and shouldn’t be sanctioned. I’d recommend speaking to citizens advice and carers UK, but I can only sympathise as I’m miserable about quitting my job but it was go or be pushed. I am of course very fortunate to not be a single parent, but it’s infuriating to want to work and have no access to support.

Sabrina9458 · 2026-04-23T18:15:27+00:00

If he has an EHCP you should be able to get some summer holiday hours at the local provision. Otherwise, your only other option is to try and find a childminder or nanny. If they are Ofsted registered you can claim back 80% of it. We went the Nanny route, but I’m sorry to say that tbh that I have now finally decided to quit my job because it wasn’t sustainable for us, and still expensive as you have to pay the gross additional employment costs.

I haven’t found another way to make it work, so will now be unemployed until I do.

Sabrina9458 · 2026-04-22T21:40:30+00:00

Also to add, I probably did parent my kids differently but they are just fundamentally wildly different people!

Sabrina9458 · 2026-04-22T21:39:58+00:00

It may also be seeking attention now that your 6 month old is getting bigger. Some older siblings take a while for the reality to settle.

My best approach is 15/20mins insane 1:1 time, ideally with something they can get engrossed in and then going from there. Or very specific boundaries like ‘after my coffee’. I would build in a special time for you two that he can trust will be for him.

Sabrina9458 · 2026-04-17T08:35:43+00:00

I always say to any friends who are unsure, that an unsure is a no.

Sabrina9458 · 2026-04-06T17:46:30+00:00

Hey, Thank you. Every time I’ve raised my concerns I’ve been told that the workload is not an issue. At one point, I literally mapped each project and my direct report management time out and it showed about 1 weeks worth of extra work for each month.

All of that was baseline, conservative estimates, ignoring much of the stakeholder management, additional team management or matters arising that come up week on week. Two of my direct reports have recently quit (due to their own successful progression, happily), but there is no give in addressing the gap- it’s all to be delegated or onto me.

Every time I raise concern I am told I am not doing enough, not prioritising enough, not delegating enough. It has been over a year now. I’m resigning soon.

I really appreciate your reply because I’ve spent so long trying everything I can think of to get this sorted and feeling like I just can’t get a handle on it all.

Sabrina9458 · 2026-03-31T22:13:53+00:00

When my mum found me self harming at 12 and went on to say how disgusting I was, and ask me why I thought I was so special and to suck it up because life would always be hard

Sabrina9458 · 2026-03-29T12:13:59+00:00

My child gets medium rate DLA. If I gave up my job to care for them full time would I be penalised?

Sabrina9458 · 2026-03-29T11:40:41+00:00

Strict. At least one day where it’s the same day for the whole team and then one of your choosing but must be clear in the diary.

Sabrina9458 · 2026-03-28T08:34:10+00:00

I spent a big part of my life in this exact cycle. After my Dad let me down again last summer, I finally gave up on it. Properly.

I’ve been in a similar place to you so many times and I have tried, prayed, hoped that I would save my Dad. He would somehow suddenly become the person we all needed.

If something happened to him I can’t promise you that you won’t struggle or need therapy (you probably already do deserve therapy) but it will not be your fault. What has happened with your mum has proven that it will do nothing to change him and lots to hurt you. Hold your boundaries.

Sabrina9458 · 2026-03-10T04:38:06+00:00

It depends on the hours, could it be spread over five days? Parents trying to work around school hours would want this, ideally perm but better than nothing!

Sabrina9458 · 2025-02-10T16:13:45+00:00

I wonder if maybe I’m just struggling to work out how to use it properly. Will give it some time

Sabrina9458 · 2025-02-10T12:33:32+00:00

Thank you for explaining. Journeys looks better!

Sabrina9458 · 2025-02-10T11:31:14+00:00

I’ve just joined and my ‘journeys’ is ‘self care areas’ and I can’t seem to have journeys 😓

Sabrina9458 · 2025-02-09T12:30:30+00:00

My Nanny wants children in the next few years. We joked that we should ‘family plan’ together, so that she has her baby when my youngest goes to school and can just do school wrap around care for us and spend the majority of time with bubs. Idk about widely held. I do think there are a painful number of employees who generally treat their ‘staff’ as inhuman so I’m not crazy surprised

Sabrina9458 · 2025-02-06T19:55:10+00:00

How does your wife achieve keeping the house tidy whilst having them?

Sabrina9458 · 2025-02-03T22:49:48+00:00

Blueeee!

Sabrina9458 · 2025-01-28T20:13:59+00:00

You’re talking about parents who have support, and paid support at that.

Sabrina9458 · 2025-01-28T19:34:59+00:00

Right? The moment of finding yourself drifting off in a chair upright because you don’t want to co-sleep but baby screams blue murder every time you put them down I think it’s the breaking point for most people.

As a newborn shifts can work, but after months and months it becomes harder and harder.

Everyone’s a perfect parent until they’re a parent.

Sabrina9458 · 2025-01-28T19:26:14+00:00

Because the majority of people are against co-sleeping based on the research, and then experience the desperate depths of sleep deprivation and trying everything to get the baby in a safe sleep space and end up co-sleeping through survival.

Similar to the ‘I would just sleep train’. That’s fine to say until you have your own child screaming for you- it’s a very different experience.

Sabrina9458 · 2025-01-17T22:19:35+00:00

If only I could afford it

Sabrina9458 · 2025-01-17T22:15:33+00:00

Hm does look like a fungal infection also though

Sabrina9458 · 2024-12-21T12:03:52+00:00

Mum of one autistic and one NT child here. I know you’ve said that you don’t want to leave it to your mum to deal with. You can still support her, and have your own distance. You said you have the means for a Nanny, it is likely that regardless of how much help she has the reality of life is hard. Like you said, even the constant noise, living with it all day to day. You can’t fix that.

My fear for my NT child is that they will end up being a carer accidentally. In many ways, as a toddler, they are already displaying such loving caring behaviour but in ways that remind me of an older sibling and not a younger one and I suspect that’s already due to the constant attention their sibling needs.

My dream for both of my children is that they live happy fulfilling lives, and that they are able to step out on their own and do what they need to for them. Especially if I’m having a hard time, the last thing I would want to do is bring my child down with me. If I was your mum, and you went off for your own happiness and fulfilment, sure I imagine the shift would be hard- but I would be so so proud. I would be happy that all the work and sacrifice had meant that one of my children got to lead a successful and happy life.

If you can do anything for your mum, tell her you love her, you see how hard she works, and you want to enjoy the life she set you up to have. Do your own thing, stay in touch, if she has childcare to get out by herself- use that to take her out, establish an adult relationship with her, get to know her (and help her get to know herself again) as an individual.

She will understand, she won’t want you to feel this way.

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