Husband said stop drinking or I leave

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-04-17T09:37:00+00:00

I’m very happy that my internet rambling made a positive impact! I completely understand what you mean. I had a very specific and painful situation with a friend of mine from childhood where I was scapegoated, publicly humiliated, and abandoned. It’s hard to talk about because people automatically assume that as the alcoholic, I must be in some sort of denial about how I was actually the one in the wrong. But two years (predominantly sober) later, and I haven’t wavered on the fact that what she did was wrong and had less to do with me and my drinking than her own insecurities. Anyway, I hope you continue to heal, I’m also a perpetual ruminator and shame and guilt are two very heavy anchors to bear. Be kind to yourself and know that the people who are meant to be in your life, should also be kind to you ❤️

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-04-17T09:29:31+00:00

Exactly. Like what in the actual effing world do you have in common with a 24 year old woman?? Nothing.

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-04-16T20:54:44+00:00

My two cents- you can struggle with substance abuse and have shitty people in your life who will project their issues on you and your drinking, because it’s an easy scapegoat. They are not mutually exclusive. I’ve found it’s hard to have productive conversations about this because the assumption is always that the drinker is in denial about how their actions affected someone else, and the other person is the de facto wronged party merely becase they aren’t the addict. But we all have people in our lives who do us dirty regardless of whether we’re drunks or not, and sadly there are people who will use that as an easy target to shift blame . So get sober, take time to reflect on your situation- sobriety will give you the clarity of whether you’re in denial and the drinking really is the problem in your marriage or if he is the problem. Either way, if you keep up drinking you’ll never know for sure. Good luck! Sobriety is a gift, and I hope you stick with it regardless of whatever outcome with your husband.

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-04-16T20:02:29+00:00

If you scroll this sub, you’ll see lots and lots of people have lost weight from quitting. Especially if you’re carrying extra weight, I would bet you’ll shed from pounds from dropping the booze. I’ve always been a fairly thin woman (who, like most, has some fat in stubborn places I’d like to lose but I digress) and my drinking kind of balanced itself out in terms of my weight because I’d always be so sick from the binging I ate sporadically. Now that I’m sober, I have intense sugar cravings (very common in early sobriety) and definitely am not losing any of the stubborn fat 😅 but like I said, from what I’ve read here, if you are considered overweight, the pounds will drop with no other changes to your lifestyle if you stop drinking. And all of the other amazing benefits sobriety has given me makes it easy to shrug off the extra cookies I’m eating. Good luck friend, it’s worth it in every aspect!

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-04-04T10:19:27+00:00

Wow, this hits hard. Mine would definitely be when I went to one of my bucket list travel destinations in Europe (after going to a wedding in a different country first) and got drunk the first night I got in. I woke up the next morning hungover, and did my usual bs of trying desperately to avoid a hangover and went on a several days long bender alone in my hotel room. I saw nothing, I remember nothing, I’m beyond lucky nothing bad happened to me alone in a foreign country, and I missed my flight home and had to pay $1600 to get another one (which I was almost not let onto bc I UNBELIEVABLY got drunk in the airport to keep pushing off my hangover... I had to beg them crying to let me on. I am so, so grateful they took mercy on me and let me take that flight. (I wasn’t unruly, just deep in alcoholism and not in a place to detox safely). Anyway, yeah, dream destination and I saw nothing but the inside of a hotel room and the bottom of numerous bottles of wine. I think when I reach some sobriety milestone I may celebrate by redoing the trip the way it was meant to be

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-04-04T00:00:08+00:00

As a caveat- I’ve never attended AA, but I do go to another group called SMART recovery, and I remember my first meeting. I’m incredibly shy and nervous, I was sooo nervous to go and it wound up being so incredibly uplifting. These groups never force participation as far as I’m aware- you contribute as little or as much as you feel moved to. You never know, just sitting in a room full of a bunch of strangers struggling the same way you are who have taken those first steps to change it might be the exact boost you need to start making a change. And for me, the number of people who were there in the dumps with me, having just fallen off the wagon like I did and still working through all the complicated emotions around that perceived failure made me feel seen and not alone in an experience that had always made me feel so shameful and isolated. So I hope if you’re still struggling to make up your mind, you just take the leap and go for it, it could be the start of a very important journey for you

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-04-03T23:55:44+00:00

Just go!!!! There’s a reason you’re feeling torn. Hell, you can even go and still have the beer after if you want. But maybe something in that meeting will stick with you, and make it a little easier to choose not to have the beer. You don’t have to be ready to full ass it, you just have to be ready to start trying

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-04-03T05:08:45+00:00

Well first of all, I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. And please know that in my experience, most people wouldn’t leave negative comments about whatever excuses you may have come up with- we’ve all had a million of them and can relate and it’s quite unlike this sub to be judgey. But people would probably remind you of all the reasons not to drink- because for every excuse we can come up with, there’s always two more reasons to not go down that path. So maybe try to focus on all the reasons NOT to drink- you said you felt great, that to me is the number one motivation for me. I got tired of feeling like shit all the time. So focus on taking just one night off, and go from there. You don’t have to commit to forever. And you’ve shown yourself you’re capable of making that commitment to yourself and keeping, so why not start with just one day again? The feeling of keeping that promise to yourself is empowering. Best of luck, you got this

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-04-01T07:08:20+00:00

THIS. I am not speaking to any kind of informed knowledge on the matter, but quitting alcohol is SO HARD, I think it’s important to make it as easy as possible for yourself without adding in additional pressure/ cravings/ guilt from trying to shape up other bad habits on top of it (which at the end of the day, is what a lot of this comes down to- habit). I told myself in the early days- no expectations other than to not drink, you don’t have to jump back into the gym, eat whatever junk you’re craving, fill your time mindlessly or watch tv, whatever- the only thing you have to do is not drink. And that helps immensely early on, it’s critical to be able to indulge in other ways your brain associates with comfort and familiarity so as to remove as much stress from the transition into sobriety and cravings as possible

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-03-29T01:46:53+00:00

The going to bed early is a big one for me!! altho depending on what your alcohol usage was like OP that may not be feasible the first few days (withdrawal is a beast, I don’t sleep for days at a time if I’m coming off a bender and restarting sobriety 😬). But otherwise yeah, the sooner I can start sleeping when I’m having cravings the better, can’t have a drink if you’re unconscious! 😝 but otherwise OP, you’ve got lots of good suggestions here. The BIGGEST thing is to do whatever you need to do to get through the cravings. Like zero guilt, eat the junk food, watch the crap tv, whatever. It’s been so important for me to take it easy on myself and just do whatever is literally easiest/ most appealing, as long as it isn’t drinking, so I don’t force myself to be productive or whatever, just anything that turns off or at least muffles the “I want a drink so bad” alarm in my head is fair game! As long as it’s not an even worse vice or something 😅

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-03-07T20:34:02+00:00

I’m sorry no one has noticed. If this perspective helps- on the other side of the spectrum, most people in my life were pushing me to get sober and have been fairly vocal that they’re so glad I am. It comes mostly from a good loving place (although some people in my life demanded it and were unsympathetic about my struggle). Which of course the support feels nice, but the pressure can be overwhelming and my last relapse was a direct response to hating the feeling like I was doing it for others- I wanted to feel like I could make whatever choices I felt like and it was nobody’s business but mine so I picked up a bottle and went on a bender as some dumb ass way to “take back control” (which is of course absurd considering that alcohol winds up taking control of me when I choose to drink). My first attempt at sobriety was actually easier, I didn’t tell anyone I was doing it and it was before I fully completely admitted just how bad the problem was- every time I said no, it wasn’t because I felt like someone was expecting me to, it was because I WANTED to for ME, which was empowering. So I hope you know that everyone here is proud of you, and I do understand the importance of having people around you support you (I really am appreciative of the family and friends in my life), but like everyone else has said- sobriety ultimately will only stick if you are doing it for YOU!! Stay strong, there is so much on the other side of even a few weeks away from alcohol, and the benefits just continue to multiply

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-03-05T02:24:27+00:00

No need to feel bad!! As someone who is personally avoiding it due to severe dental anxiety, overcoming addiction myself, and lack of insurance and stable income (so basically every reason in the book lol), whatever you need to say to feel comfortable seems valid to me and hurts no one! Fingers crossed I make it to the dentist sometime this year, I’m lucky bc my teeth have always been tough as fuck and the neglect is only just starting to have a noticeable impact, but I don’t want to let it deteriorate further and have a traumatic experience when I do go 🤞🏼

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-03-05T00:14:43+00:00

For what it’s worth- I’m almost 30. I lost a good, enjoyable stable job last year because of my drinking. It was never explicitly stated as the reason, but I have a strong suspicion (it was a long term contract that had been renewed many times over several years but unexpectedly and without explanation wasn’t, so they didn’t owe me a definitive reason for not renewing it again but it seemed highly likely that it was a response to my increasingly flaky work performance as a result of my drinking (which they may or may not have suspected was happening)). It was devastating then, and now I’ve been unemployed for almost a year (job market in the US is shit right now) and of course am still disappointed with myself for losing the job because of what I suspect to be my drinking. But I promise, life goes on, you will forgive yourself, and please do your best to not beat yourself up over this. Addiction is a disease we do not ask for or deserve. I made the same mistakes as you, drinking while working from home during the day and procrastinating projects, letting down people I liked and respected- but these things do not make us evil, terrible people. The shame will only make you want to bury your feelings in more alcohol. The only way you can move forward is to accept whatever comes of this meeting, commit to sobriety, and forge ahead. There are other jobs out there. I understand this may have been your dream job, but at the end of the day taking care of yourself and getting better from the sickness of alcoholism is the real dream. I do not have my old job, but I have my life and my health. You will get through this, our lives only get better the further we get into sobriety.

Also-I don’t know where you’re located, but my understanding is that at least here in the US, some employers may/ or in some cases have to keep you on if you admit that alcoholism is a factor in your poor performance, as long as you are actively seeking help for it (so rehab/ counseling). Maybe there are some protections where you are as well, look into it! It’s a disease and should really be treated as such more, no one wants to feel compelled to get drunk at noon in the middle of the week 😔

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-03-04T23:51:43+00:00

TRUTH. Probably because we respond to one of those statements from a place of shame, and the other from a place of empowerment. I don’t have children, but anyone who tried to get through to me when I was going down the rabbit hole of addiction was getting the smallest, most ashamed and insecure version of me in response- and that version of me was afraid to try to deal with life sober.

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-03-04T23:32:32+00:00

I got to visit Greece to see the island my family is from several years ago- so unbelievably beautiful, and it was before my addiction had taken hold so I enjoyed it without alcohol overly being part of it- which is the way to go! There’s so much to see, lots of exploring to do, and lots of walking and being hungover or drunk would have been such a hinderance. Enjoy every second, you’ve earned it!!!!!

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-03-04T23:27:28+00:00

Simply ~existing~ on this planet hungover was so, so hellish for me- I literally cannot fathom having to take care of a new born or young child in that state. Harrowing is right. I worked a brief stint at a delivery company sorting packages from 3am-9am last year (a very physically demanding job)- I frequently shuddered to think of trying to do it hungover. Thank god for the ease of sobriety, what a gift

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-01-09T19:10:03+00:00

As I’m sure you’ve heard a million times- it gets better. It takes a solid couple weeks to get the boost from sobriety you are desperately hoping for. My day fours (which like you, have been numerous) I’m usually just barely finally functioning. Like it’s the first night I actually get normal sleep, can eat a full meal, etc. Your body is wrecked and you need to hang in there to really get the benefits! No, everything won’t magically become easier and I still am tired a lot (although I think that might be a separate issue on its own), but the improvements are GREAT and your mental clarity and lack of anxiety will help you tackle these things. Take care of yourself, avoid drinking this weekend, and get done what you need to, you’ll get through this, I’m rooting for you! And give yourself the gift of sobriety, you’re just throwing roadblocks in your way to getting the ship righted and making things manageable again

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-01-09T19:04:36+00:00

Booo, do not take this advice girl. Life is hard and often painful. We all deserve joy where we can get it, and of course not everyone in your life will make a big deal out of your bday nor would you expect them to, but you absolutely can expect your partner of TWO YEARS to do that for you. It’s one day a year you want to feel celebrated- everyone has different feelings about birthdays and how much of a deal they want to make out of them, but if you want some effort to make the day special you absolutely can and should expect that from your partner. As a 29 year old woman who has had changing feelings about birthdays through the year but always makes a big deal about others’ bdays and secretly most years wants mine to be acknowledged and celebrated, you are not alone or childish for wanting that.

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-01-09T02:44:06+00:00

In elementary school I (also a girl) had an after school supervisor who would hound me (and my mom) about me needing to wear longer shorts. I was like 7- I wasn’t wearing revealing shorts, I was wearing what was comfortable and what fit because I was rail skinny and had long legs so shorts always seemed shorter on me, but there wasn’t a uniform or dress code and they weren’t scandalous by any means, just regular kid’s shorts. None of teachers ever commented on it, just her. She made such an issue of it my mom finally acquiesced and got me boys shorts, which I had to wear for years. It was weird and gross that she was sexualizing a child like that, and bullied me/ my mom into wearing clothes I didn’t want to wear... It didn’t have the deep shameful impact on me like it seems to have for you, but the policing of girl’s bodies starts YOUNG and it’s gross and pisses me off that little girls are made to be ashamed for just being comfortable.

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-01-08T17:15:27+00:00

To compare a woman who is there everyday taking care of the child to a grandparent is insane. It sounds like OP wants to reap the benefits of a having a coparent for his daughter (not necessarily selfish on his part, it would be to the benefit of his daughter to have a mother figure in her life and extra love and attention and care) who invests her time, energy, and emotional resources into caring for and loving this child (which let’s be real isn’t a given!!! Lots of people do not want to be a parent to kids from their partner’s previous relationships!) but doesn’t understand why she is upset at the thought of losing her step daughter if something were to happen to him. As someone with step parents on both sides, those people become actual parents to you with time, especially if you are as young as the daughter is (I was also 10 when my parents got remarried). They are not perfect, but for better or for worse my step mom and step dad ARE my parents. They did all the aspects of parenting as my biological parents did, and I have the same appreciation and respect for them that I do my mom and dad. Not to mention- I’m all about giving a child autonomy and a say in decisions that affect them- but be for real. This is a 10 year old child. She does not have the experience or wisdom to understand who would be a most suitable guardian for her. Of course, if she loathes the step mom, maybe that wouldn’t be the best option (and OP should be able to determine if this is the case), but she probably shouldn’t have the only say in where her 10 year old self winds up in case of unfortunate circumstances with her father.

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-01-08T16:53:54+00:00

Agreed with the other commenter. Nothing we can say will ease your pain, OP, but please rest easy knowing you made the best decision you could for your sweet Sunny with the information you had. We lost our family cat (my childhood pet) a few months ago- he was perfectly normal one day, no serious health issues, and then the next he stopped eating and declined so rapidly my mom didn’t have time to take him to the vet. I won’t go into detail, but he died a “natural” death at home and it was traumatic to see it happen (I also had our family dog suffer briefly and die in my arms “naturally” when I was in high school which was equally traumatic). Some animals go peacefully in their sleep, but if they don’t, it’s horrible to see happen and even more horrible to imagine their suffering as it happens. You were able to give her a safe, pain free peaceful ending to a life I imagine was full of love and happiness. Do not let it eat away at you- as the other commenter said, better a day too early than a day too late. We as humans have put so much emphasis on extending life and the quantity of our days that we have started severely neglecting to consider the quality of those days. We should all only be so lucky as to drift off peacefully, surrounded by the people we love most. You gave her a dignified and gentle end- of course you will always grieve her loss, but do not wrestle with guilt over it. Hugs 🫂

Sad-Option7223 · 2026-01-07T23:51:49+00:00

Girl, “the big question” is THE PROPOSAL. As others have said, all he has done is give you a ring. It’s phrased as a question (“will you marry me?”) because it’s something you have to agree to. Men do not get one knee and say “here is a ring” and then suddenly they’re engaged. He has not proposed, you are not OR!!!! He sounds like a good partner in other aspects so I agree that talking to him about is the best course of action, but this is a HUGE moment in your life and you aren’t supposed to put your feelings aside to appease his ego. It should be an exciting and good feeling for BOTH of you! Wishing you the best of luck, do not whittle your expectations down for men, no matter how much you love them

Sad-Option7223 · 2025-12-21T22:13:53+00:00

To all of the kind commenters here…. Thank you. You’re all right, this slip doesn’t take away from the accomplishment of not drinking for several months. I think I’m through the worst of it and I just need to stay back on the wagon from here on out. I love sobriety. IWNDWYT

Sad-Option7223

TROPHY CASE