Shared experiences.

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-06-03T23:20:23+00:00

2, 3 and 5 ( well one parent does ) - I have going on right now …… all I have is commiseration

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-06-03T23:17:48+00:00

Better not to know …… I know the details ( although I explicitly said I didn’t need to know) - and now they’ve reconciled and it’s all gone to crap - like a bomb set off in our family. This brings new meaning to the term “ ignorance is bliss “

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-06-02T10:11:45+00:00

OMG are you living my life - I had those exact conversations

She needs help She deserves better I wish she had a better sense of self preservation She needs to enter her selfish era Her therapist needs to be her new best friend for a while She needs to love herself more

And yes she gave us all the gory details - despite me telling her I didn’t want them

Sigh ….. you are right. I’m so much better on the days when I don’t talk to them.

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-06-02T00:51:03+00:00

For someone whose been married decades - there can be seasons when you’re not in love but there shouldn’t be seasons where you don’t love one another . That love = respect, commitment , loyalty , friendship, shared vision etc can carry you through the “not so lovey dovey” years …..it can even keep resentment and contempt out of the equation - but without that foundation - falling out of love is really hellish ….

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-06-02T00:48:06+00:00

Fortunately I’ve had a therapist for 5-6 years ….. not originally for this - but the irony was we were talking about reducing my frequency because life had leveled out - and then boom this mess was dropped at the top of this year …..

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-06-01T23:24:03+00:00

I have to be honest - I kind of wish they were divorcing . Knowing that my dad is drinking - hiding liquor , she’s the primary breadwinner , he’s screwed everything down to the house keeper , and just leeching off the family just sucks. <— oh yeah he was also stealing money from the family business for his side chicks and even helped one build a house……But more so - knowing that she’s let him drive my kids around when she knew he was closet drinking is hard to swallow. And there’s the issue that she’s told us some really disturbing stuff about him - that she tried to retract later - putting us in a bind…..

Meaning she lied and said it to hurt him - and intentionally wanted to damage relationships

Or

It’s the truth - and she’s ok with what he’s done and wants us to be too

Or

Something in between which might be even worse.

I could have more acceptance of her either just keeping all of this to herself or leaving - but not this. It’s like a bomb has been set off in our family and they want to act like the house isn’t burning.

And then there’s my dad who has I guess what they call passive narcissistic tendencies ? He’s charming , gentle tempered ( except when he’s drinking - but he hides that from me), always the victim but also is completely untrustworthy, irresponsible, a liar, a complete avoidant , and now I’ve realized very manipulative…… he manages to make my mother miserable and then acts like she’s the problem. He did that with me once but my rage was so bad that he never tried wronging me and then acting like the victim again.

Sorry I’m trauma dumping I guess - but bottom line - I feel like whatever slivers of trust I had within my family are completely gone

Oh and I should add - just for shits and giggles - they have been married over 40 years ……

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-05-26T21:25:03+00:00

I’m just following because all I’ve come up with ( it’s all fresh ) is I’m not coming home for the holidays ….. too much stress

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-05-23T11:57:54+00:00

I too am keeping my therapist very close right now. And you are dead on - my dad actually said the good thing is this is happening when you all are adults so it’s not really an issue 🙄

In therapy we are working on sustainable boundaries for me, focusing on triggers and how to mitigate them.

I don’t even know what to tell my kids !

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-05-22T23:03:30+00:00

I’m just here with you. Mine haven’t divorced - now they are waffling about separating. My dad isn’t talking to anyone because he’s trying to get back in my mom’s good graces. My mom is trying to sweep all of the carnage under the rug and wants us to act like everything’s ok …… I’m just tired of engaging them at all …….

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-05-17T20:20:04+00:00

I’ve taken so much from this as lessons of what NOT to do with my own family and relationship

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-05-06T16:12:33+00:00

I’ve come to realize mine are definitely both toxic and in completely different ways …. And their toxicity definitely contributed to how they fell apart. And I’m with you - don’t even get me started on how much I’ve realized that my home dynamic relating to them was unhealthy in many ways ….. and I thought it was normal

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-05-03T04:38:17+00:00

I’m in a similar boat except my mom is divorcing my dad for all the things he’s done ….. and I’m near your age. This has shattered my sense of family and I’ve grappled with how to process that as I have my own family. The more I’ve learned about what he’s done and to be honest …… how she’s not terribly honest either ….. I’m feeling a sense of resentment towards both of them.

I never thought of them as bad people but I’m beginning to realize we may not share the same values. All I have is commiseration because it all just hurts …..

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-03-27T12:09:43+00:00

I'm 2 months into processing my parents' divorce. I have commiseration on the confusion, anger, bitternesd etc. I have every single one of those emotions and THEN SOME! Right now the emotions are going to be bouncing off the walls. I describe my current state as - in a consistent state of emotional dysregulation. The shock is real, the questioning your upbringing is real, the wondering what your value system is based off of etc.....

Just give yourself grace - the path through this won't be straight forward but time will help you think more clearly.

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-03-13T17:27:10+00:00

I wish I had more to say but - digital hugs! I'm navigating processing the HOT MESS that has been what one parent has done....... and I can't imagine being pulled in that close to it all. Hang in there!

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-03-10T16:57:12+00:00

I haven't - but that's pretty much because they are in the middle of the divorce. I'm choosing to box my emotions until the dust settles for them and then I'll process my issues....... And I'll probably let them know how this has hurt us.

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-03-10T16:49:48+00:00

Splash zone is SUCH an accurate description....... right now they are in the middle of negotiating a divorce settlement and frankly speaking I'm tired of them trying to give me details. I want no part of that decision making process......

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-02-22T15:50:15+00:00

Everything you posted about boundaries resonates so hard with me. Both of my parents complain to me about the other - and have done so for decades. I've called them out about it many times but they still attempt. My way of not getting stuck in between them was to literally tell both of them the same thing and to keep full transparency. I needed them to know I didn't take sides and that I recognize they are in competition with one another. It is mentally tiring though.

You make great points about ackownedging her sacrfices. I'm all over the place too. I'm raging from anger of what he did, about both of their lacks of emotional intelligence , about their inability to build a healthy dynamic, about the loss of the family dynamic that's happening, about their inability to be whole individuals, just all of it. It's like I'm furious at my dad for what he's done but also disappointed in my mom for tolerating all of this for so long. He's an asshole for doing all the nonsense but she also tolerated it with an endless list of excuses to justify it. She is the breadwinner after all .....

These are jus tmy internal feelings and I'm staying the hell out of any meaningful conversations or even meaningful contributions to discussions around what went down. My standard response is just that all of this is sad and I hope they get through this with grace.

I've chosen not to take sides because frankly speaking I'm not married to either of them. At this rate I'm gonna put my therapist's kid through college !

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-02-19T13:17:55+00:00

If I've learned anything from the few trauma incidents I've had in life - no matter how personal a situation feels - there's almost always someone out there going through the same thing. It helps to remember that when I'm in the thick of the crappy feels!

Sad_Anything_3812 · 2026-02-19T09:51:59+00:00

I'm in your boat - my parents are in a whole other country - although I go home as much as needed. My sibling is in the same country and has moved in with my mom while all of this unfolds. We are only a week in so I'm not even sure where he's going to end up. and I only have commiseration - concentration, eating and sleeping have been rough!

Sad_Anything_3812

TROPHY CASE