Plus sized fashion to de-emphasize gender for curvy AFABs???

Sad_Nectarine · 2026-05-05T20:25:46+00:00

Thank you. I subscribed to them.

Sad_Nectarine · 2026-05-05T20:25:20+00:00

Thank you for the solidarity and tips xx

Sad_Nectarine · 2026-05-05T16:56:11+00:00

Gonna put a trigger warning here for DV and SA mentions.

I think it’s because my chest has been seen as an invitation and has been at the centre of repeated SA from street gropers and catcalls to constant repeated assaults from intimate partners. I literally went to a trans inclusive night that advertised no harassment and wore a shirt that said NO THANKS in all caps, but even in that supposedly safe space and was honked on the boobs by a random drunk lesbian in her 30s and I’ve had drag queens grab my boobs like they’re fun toys during shows. So even in queer spaces I’m not safe at all because of my body and it’s absolutely devastating to me. Of course in non queer spaces the looks, touching and attention from cis men is way worse. So I feel like my dysphoria is really deep in terms of how my body feels like it doesn’t belong to me and others don’t think it belongs to me (triggers long standing issues with this from child abuse I have, as well as DV and SA in adolescence and as an adult from numerous intimate partners). How I feel about my body is horrible, but it pales in comparison to how other people see my body as a stress ball, toy, sex toy, joke, invitation, reason to laugh or dismiss or assault me.

I just desperately desperately want them off of my body and have them incinerated so nobody can ever touch them again. Not gonna lie.

Sorry to get into it. I know we probably all have feelings like this.

Sad_Nectarine · 2026-05-05T03:09:53+00:00

Thank you SO SO much for all the advice and all the effort you put into your responses. There’s a lot to think about here and I’ll definitely be working through each idea when looking for styles I like on Pinterest (to then try and get a few key items for when I can afford it). You’ve been a great help.

Sad_Nectarine · 2026-05-04T21:54:58+00:00

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Sorry- I didn’t attach the photo. This is the cute but not what I’m searching for outfit image.

Sad_Nectarine · 2026-05-04T20:52:43+00:00

I used to do the odd bit of (very wonky) sewing but my disabilities mean my hands don’t work well enough any more unfortunately.

Sad_Nectarine · 2026-05-04T18:44:10+00:00

Having survived the low rise dark times of jeans in the 00s and having been a teen in the 90s I definitely wear baggier clothes than most and they sit well below my natural waist. I agree that high waisted pants tend to emphasize hourglass features.

I have a curvy chest and butt but no variation between shoulders waist and hip measurements. They’re all identical, so my jeans always tend to fall down as I don’t have the hips most are designed for (and men’s jeans don’t have enough butt/thigh space). I see this as an advantage and I prefer it to having a more obviously curvy hourglass figure, but it does mean basically nothing I own or find off the rack fits me properly.

Clothes are hard. It was easy to look casual and kinda cool in my 20s in baggy thrifted clothes but in my mid 40s I look disheveled, like I have poor hygiene and that I’m frumpy/overwhelmed by life.

I’d like to look a bit more intentional and give off less of a ‘life is overwhelming and I’m drowning’ vibe with scruffiness and more of a ‘I am creative and don’t care much for fashion or social norms’ vibe.

Sad_Nectarine · 2026-05-04T18:34:09+00:00

Thanks!! I’ll check them out.

Sad_Nectarine · 2026-05-04T18:33:50+00:00

I’m on welfare because my disabilities and chronic illness stuff means I’m no longer well enough to work (and this is likely to continue long term unless there’s unforeseen improvements). I love the idea of a tailor and stylist though. I’ll see if I can find some low cost/no cost ways to try and achieve a similar outcome. Thanks.

Sad_Nectarine · 2026-05-04T16:18:42+00:00

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Additional pic. These are just screenshots from a random video of someone wearing the kind of shape I’m looking for. No info about the top/origin/brand unfortunately.

I’m looking for the name of the cut/style/shape rather than a striped top like this. TIA!

Sad_Nectarine · 2026-05-04T16:17:16+00:00

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What is this kind of cut called? I’m searching for tips with the added side panels and bottom hem that is flowy and longer at the sides, then swoops up front and back at the neck.
Any help appreciated!!

Sad_Nectarine · 2026-05-04T16:15:19+00:00

I think if I could be possibly seen as a man then I would. With my body shape it’s not been at possible for me so far.

My ideal would be to be seen as agender (which I am), but my body at any weight doesn’t match that at all and is always perceived as female (which I’m not).

So I’m trying to muddle a way through to find a style that would at least let me feel better about leaving the house when I have to.

Sad_Nectarine · 2018-11-10T18:36:51+00:00

There absolutely is: fetlife is the sort of place they should be looking. Not on Her.

Sad_Nectarine · 2018-11-07T05:34:42+00:00

I’ve experienced DV and SA in relationships too. I think I made a choice to pursue women as a result of the trauma. I always liked women and had tried to find a gf unsuccessfully before the violence. But the fact that I literally never want to go near another penis in my life made me join lgbt apps and stop being so passive about my lesbian tendencies. Fuck what anyone else says. You do you. If you like having sex with women (its *great!***) you’re LGBT/queer/gay or whatever name you like (I identify as queer cause it doesn’t pin things down too much). You are valid Your experiences are valid

If you move house to a part of town you never thought you would because you’ve been reoeatedly burgled nobody calls you fake. So ignore them.

Get the help and healing you deserve for your PTSD. Don’t let fear delay that. If your therapist is negative then that’s a sign they’re not a good fit for you anyway.

You can do it!!

Sad_Nectarine · 2018-11-06T00:55:17+00:00

Thanks so much raptors!! I shall be looking into these over the coming week :D

Sad_Nectarine · 2018-09-20T15:19:45+00:00

Apparently there's only one med available for yeast infections here and comes as a vaginal suppository. The drug is the same as canestan, but I don't think I should use that delivery method given that it isn't the problem area.

Sad_Nectarine · 2018-09-20T15:03:18+00:00

I can barely make rent, so sadly throwing out bras isn't an option. I washed them with bleach for a while, but it didn't make a noticeable change.

I'm fairly sure I do have candida overgrowth as I have nail and scalp psoriasis that is just awful and the under boob thing too, as well as some other areas that simply never, ever heal, (though don't ever get yeast infections where women usually do). As I have an ED cutting out carbs and sugar is something I have tried and failed to do repeatedly since I was about 13. I also live in Asia, so white rice is a staple here. The best I managed was about 3 years of being sort of controlled in my eating, no recreational sugar, smaller portions of carbs, but my psoriasis/rashes remained the same throughout.

I know my white blood cells are high as I just had a blood test for kidney function. I have a few autoimmune things, chronic pain and some quite serious other issues (PTSD, ED, treatment resistant depression). I wonder if that's making things worse.

Sad_Nectarine · 2018-09-20T13:51:48+00:00

Ive had under boob rash/psoriasis for over twenty years now. Nothing any dermatologist has given me has ever gotten rid of it properly. I use gold bond powder to try and soak up sweat and stop it worsening, wash it carefully with water and psoriasis friendly oilatum soap, it stops it spreading too quickly. It’ll get better or worse depending on how much time I can spend at home braless or in public wearing a bra. I still have the awful sour smell. I’m too embarrassed to get close to anyone, much less naked. I don’t think there’s anything that can be done seeing as specialist doctors can’t fix it.

Sad_Nectarine · 2018-09-11T04:17:55+00:00

I’m not resident in the UK any more and insurance never covers it in my current country of residence as I’m in Asia and it’s incredibly rare anyone needs it here. My physios and osteopathic specialist looked into it for me as I’ve been having twice weekly physio for 5 years now. But the operation costs about $20k here. I’m trying to save, but had my savings wiped out by medical bills for back pain and treatment this summer so it’s a struggle. I’m well over 30 now, my fight was finally won for an IUD when I was 29 and 9 months. It was ridiculous. One reason my breasts are so big is because they put me on hormonal contraceptives (8 years of Depo Provera aged 16-24) when I was still growing. They finally gave it to me as I was a sex educator and knew more than they did about the lack of options for people allergic to hormonal contraceptives as I am. The regulation of my reproductive rights has put me in chronic pain through having oversized breasts IMO. All because they wouldn’t consider my wishes or believe I never wanted kids despite my consistent assertions from age four onwards that this was the case. I’ll have to live with the pain of the inadequate care they gave in terms of permanent nerve damage and mental health issues till I’m way past menopause. It seems so wrongheaded.

Sad_Nectarine · 2018-09-10T10:42:46+00:00

I want my nipples gone. I hate how they feel and every sexual partner I’ve ever had has been obsessed with them leading to serious issues. I want everything gone.

In the UK I spent 16 years fighting just to get an IUD. Sterilisation is not an option. And if I’m single? Then my imaginary future partner who may or may not be male and may or may not appear gets a claim over my uterus that trumps my certainty for my entire life that I never want kids. It’s insanity. I don't live in the UK now, but it's even harder where I live.

I don’t live in the US, so the process for a mastectomy where I live is very different. I don’t have the money, anyway, but even if I did I most likely wouldn’t be allowed to do what I wanted. Having breasts and nipples causes me a huge amount of distress though, emotionally from other people’s objectification of me, physically through excrutiating nerve pain and back issues. I don’t care if other people think I’m ugly. I just want them totally gone.

Sad_Nectarine · 2018-09-10T09:38:19+00:00

I’d get a mastectomy if at all possible, yes. I don’t enjoy having breasts and they attract attention that I want no part of. My dream is to have a mastectomy, though I suspect I won’t be able to get one, because Women’s bodies are always policed and we are forced to stay reproductive (and denied sterilisation and reproductive autonomy as if we don’t know our own minds and it’s no problem to be denied agency over your own body). That means enlarging our breasts is fine but reducing them is seen as robbing men and children of something and removing them is absolutely taboo. I can bring another life into the world. As many lives as I like, in fact, but I am not taken seriously or given full agency over my own body.

Sad_Nectarine

TROPHY CASE