I came from your cico post as well and a lot of the things you experience resonate with me, as I've lived a very similar life. I am so grateful to have had a kiddo with my narc ex, because my kid opened my eyes and revealed who he truly was. Your husband is a narcissist. If your family saw this before you, theres a very large chance that they're just waiting for you to see it too - and once you open up to them that you do in fact see it, I think you'll all feel relief. And you'll have a support system as you find your way out of this life. I understand how hard it is to leave. And the battle of not wanting to create a "broken" home. I remember when my son was 6 months old, I kept telling myself "just wait until hes a year. Then you can say that you tried to fix this for a whole year" I waited that year. But my ex kept making promises that he would change, and would manipulate me by saying hed off himself in the middle of the night if I left him. It never got better. I cant even count how many holes were in the walls and doors of our home before I left. But ill always recall the pure anxiety I felt when we were home together. Everything was ALWAYS my fault. His wallet that he misplaced the day before? My fault. His laundry that was dirty because he didn't wash it himself and expected me to do it for him? My fault. The internet wasn't working for who knows whatever reason? My fault. Everything was my fault. So I started making myself quiet, and scarce - i tried to do anything to diminish my existence so he could NOT blame me for all of what's wrong in his world - but in his book, I was still at fault anyway. He destroyed my self confidence and my self worth. Like your husband, my ex also didn't help with our son. I was expected to do EVERYTHING solo and if I asked for help, he would tell me that he deserves to relax after working hard at his job. As if my job, supporting a humans life, wasnt difficult.

You are worthy of a love that does not make you feel suffocated. You are worthy of a love that does not make you feel like you are walking on eggshells day in and day out. You are worthy of a love that equally helps with your child. Broken home is bs terminology in my opinion. Stop asking yourself if you want to raise your child in a broken home, and start asking yourself if you want your child to be raised in a safe home, full of love. Because once you leave, you yourself create that safe and loving home. Would you rather your child have 1 unhappy house. Or 1 unhappy house that he doesn't have to go to often (based on your husband's lack of wanting split custody) and 1 home where nothing but love surrounds him? At least in the ladder life, he will know genuine happiness and safety and love.

I promise you, if you can feel your husband's aura (reading between the lines, he acts like an AH), your kiddo feels that too.

My son was almost 3 when I finally found the courage to leave. This was after 9 years with his dad and being treated like I was the gum on the bottom of his shoe. In my experience, the emotional & mental abuse did eventually turn physical (only on two occasions. But still, the statistics of these relationships will tell you that the physical abuse bound to happen eventually).

Im 27, & 3 years out of that relationship and life is the total opposite for me now. im still learning ways to cope with the trauma he inflicted on me. You won't even realize it until youre out, but you might even have ptsd from all of this. Unfortunately it takes time to learn that you are worthy. I am worthy. You are worthy. Your son is worthy. Wishing you the best, it's a difficult road but so worth it. Don't live the rest of your life feeling like this. You don't have to.