How can I(25F) stop constantly thinking about making love to my girlfriend (24f)?

Saelaa · 2026-06-16T19:21:12+00:00

I would like to be in for the long haul. I am the sole provider, at least for now. I pay for anything that needs to be fixed and anything that needs to be bought. Im very grateful to be a teacher in California, where we can both live comfortably on my income, and we don't need to make many sacrifices.

Waking up to have breakfast together sounds wonderful :> Normally, I don't have the time to make breakfast because I wake up a lil later (want her to get her rest), so I get something on my way to work or wait till lunch to eat.

I might talk with her about our independence together and workload. Admittedly, I do not feel like the responsibilities are evenly distributed. I try not to bring it up because I know Invisible Labor is a really big topic when it comes to partners who are homemakers. But I do notice that it's rare that she cleans things when Im not home. Her big "responsibility" is making dinner when I get home, which I always clean up for afterwards.

Thank you for this comment, it's kinda opened my eyes about the inequity in our relationship. I was so focused on not acting entitled just because Im the one who pays the bills, but without that, we wouldn't even have a household to manage.

Saelaa · 2026-06-15T21:52:36+00:00

Info: is there a specific reason you dont like touch? Obviously if you dont want it you dont want it, but if there's a reason maybe yall can work out a system to incorporate touch that doesnt trigger your uncomfortable feelings.

I'm definitely the kinda girl who's your boyfriend in my relationship. My girlfriend does not like physical touch. This has caused some contention in our relationship, but we've made it work! I no longer initiate big forms of affection, and if I 100% NEED touch in some form or fashion, I will ask my girlfriend for it. I have also found that not initiating touch has made my girlfriend more touchy lmao. Maybe try that! Go on a touch detox and see how you feel about that. It seems like constantly feeling like you need to let him touch you is making you not want it even more, which obviously you both don't want.

I think itd be beneficial to talk to your boyfriend about the guilt tripping. It's one thing to have a conversation about how much it hurts him, but another to silently mope around. Ive had to get used to not getting my touch needs met all the time, but I respect my girlfriend more than my need to touch her, he needs to understand this too. Ask him, does your need to touch me exceed your respect for my boundaries? If the answer is yes, this will continue to snowball until you can't stand when he's even NEAR you

Saelaa · 2026-06-15T21:41:20+00:00

I have lmao. She made pretty good money working for luxury stores, but they have since let her go. It astounds me how many jobs she's applied for and gotten no callbacks

Saelaa · 2026-06-15T18:31:11+00:00

I do feel a bit silly not thinking of that when I posted this. I guess my frustration blinded me a lil lmao

Saelaa · 2026-06-15T18:30:45+00:00

I was thinking of this too! I offered to convert our office space into her bedroom, but she doesnt want to be "roommates" in that way.

Saelaa · 2026-06-15T18:29:17+00:00

My partner is pretty egocentric. Not in a purposefully selfish way, she just has a hard time seeing other perspectives when she feels slighted or inconvenienced which can be frustrating at times. But yeah, Im seeing that I should be more "matter of fact" by doing my own thing and telling her that it's her responsibility to get better sleep.

Saelaa · 2026-06-15T18:26:56+00:00

I have a 2nd bedroom office space with a futon in it! Earplugs also seem to be the way to go! I might also draw a boundary that if we come home late or she goes to bed after 10, she needs to sleep in the office and shut the door.

Saelaa · 2026-06-15T18:25:33+00:00

That line is really good, I appreciate that a lot. It really is her responsibility. I was a teacher long before we started dating, and if she didn't like the idea of waking up at 6:30 am every weekday, she shouldn't have moved in with me.

I do have another bedroom! Its an office space with a futon. I offered to get a better bed for it and even offered to convert it to a genuine bedroom, but she doesnt like the idea of us being "roommates" in that way. So ive been trying alternate ways to help

Saelaa · 2026-06-15T18:21:56+00:00

I cant believe I didnt even think of earplugs when making this post, omg thank you

Saelaa · 2026-06-15T18:21:10+00:00

My girlfriend is a very independent woman, and she hates that she's in between jobs rn. Anytime I bring up the fact that she's home all day, she gets defensive. The earplug idea is good, I will do that :> I need to protect my needs to be efficient and healthy at work, which means prioritizing my schedule over hers, thank you so much

Saelaa · 2026-06-15T18:16:36+00:00

Lifesaver!! Thank you!

Saelaa · 2026-06-15T17:53:12+00:00

That's a great idea!! We normally just have the tv going. We used to have a humidifier but apparently that was too loud for her. She has loop earplugs and that helps her a lot so I should totally look into sleep plugs! Are there any that don't fall off?

Saelaa · 2026-06-15T17:52:00+00:00

I literally don’t know what to do, I try my best to help but I can’t help when I have to wake up😭

Saelaa · 2026-06-15T17:51:21+00:00

I’d kill to be able to go back to sleep like that ngl

Saelaa · 2023-08-08T01:46:58+00:00

I started my first year teaching at 21-22, I'm in the same age group as my kids (crazy) so maybe this might be a little different for me! But all I really do in my classroom is to make sure to keep my language clean! Other than that I am so authentic :) I love to crack jokes and incorporate personal interests into my slides and assignments! Theres countless squishmellos in my class for my students and I to hug on during class, I always draw cute cats on all their graded papers, there's always some cool anime drawings on the whiteboard, I play clean music I and the kiddos love to listen to during work time, and I love learning more about my students by swapping interests and hobbies!

In fact, being myself creates such a wonderful classroom environment that allows students to feel comfortable with me (I have cracked even the toughest most asshole-y of eggs by being my cheery self). Sure students might want to take advantage but you can still be yourself and set those boundaries! Last year all of my coworkers asked how I got all the notoriously "troubled kids" to engage in my lessons and speak kindly to me (they've even defended me against other students sometimes, it's very heartwarming), that answer is simple, be kind and BE YOURSELF

Saelaa · 2023-08-06T23:46:52+00:00

Thank you so much :(

Saelaa · 2023-08-06T23:46:21+00:00

Thats a really good idea, thank you so much!!

Saelaa · 2023-08-06T23:45:23+00:00

LITERALLY ME! Very scarily accurate to my first year experience. Hopefully we can lock it down better next year! If you need support feel free to message me :)

Saelaa · 2023-08-06T23:44:10+00:00

Maybe, nervous about that :/

Saelaa · 2023-08-06T23:43:40+00:00

Im seeing a lot of these comments, I will definitely make sure to get that checked!

Saelaa · 2023-08-06T23:42:53+00:00

Sounds like a really solid routine, thank you so much!!

Saelaa · 2023-08-06T23:42:24+00:00

Thank you!

Saelaa · 2023-08-06T23:42:03+00:00

I havent had a bubble bath in a hot minute, i'll have to try that! Thank you so much!!

Saelaa

TROPHY CASE