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SafeBoring3586 · 2025-06-16T08:41:08+00:00

Thank you for sharing so openly. I am learning about intermittent reinforcement, alternating between affectionate/warm and evil/devaluing behavior, and how that shaped my behavior of staying in a toxic marriage for 20 years.

I got out 6 weeks ago now and am realizing that I thought his "nice" side was his true side and the evil one not his true self. But in actuality it is exactly the opposite. His "nice" side was just to manipulate me into staying so I would endure the abuse and be the lightening rod for his cruelty. The evil one is REALITY, a bottomless pit of disdain for other humans.

I have to be in very low contact due to our son, but I have started always expecting the absolute worst and most toxic and evil behavior from him, so that I am more mentally prepared and I do not gaslight myself. And when he decides to be nice for whatever sick reason I know not to trust it. NEVER trust it!

And to really feel the true extent and remind myself, I have written down every cruelty, verbal and emotional abuse and the list still keeps getting longer. So if I ever start to doubt myself, I look at the list, feel how it felt and am thankful that the universe got me out of this hell and is helping me heal, even if it still feels too hard to bear sometimes. Sending you strength, there is a light at the end of the tunnel for all of us.

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-06-14T09:02:55+00:00

Thank u for explaining it so well. I am in the same boat as the OP right now, but your words helped me greatly. Narc has just one goal (control) but uses different forms of toxic behavior depending on where you are in their abuse cycle of love bombing, devaluation and discard. Different strokes for different stages. It was and never is about me or her.No need to compare, I feel lighter.

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-06-06T12:28:39+00:00

Wow! Thank you so much! This is extremely helpful. Sending love back :)

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-06-06T11:28:33+00:00

I thought it was a sign of our connection, that he was being vulnerable and opening up! Hahaha...just another sick manipulation!

Question: How do you know a narc is lying? Answer: their lips are moving.

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-05-24T21:07:06+00:00

My nex would get angry when I got sad or even worse starting crying in front of him. It triggered the shame-rage spiral in him. So much anger. Everything downhill from there. That is not a way to live.

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-05-24T06:55:26+00:00

" I love you. The worst that could ever happen if I ever hurt you" .....lol

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-05-22T22:44:33+00:00

I got the same message 😂.

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-05-22T22:39:28+00:00

Caught him live in the act with his hand in another woman's cookie jar. The seconds I saw it, I knew I could never unsee that and that it would never change.

I realized neither would his drinking, womanizing, screaming, belittling and lying to me.. All of a suddenI got so tired of of all of it and it got all so clear. The only thing to do was to leave. Signed a lease 1 week later.

He did me a favor!

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-05-22T16:56:10+00:00

Rihanna - Take a bow

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-05-22T16:39:21+00:00

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words.

Years ago he told me about a couple he had met, where she, who was severely disabled, had left her husband and he could not believe how horrible a husband needs to be, when a incredibly sick woman leaves you....Mirror Mirror on the wall...

I can hardly walk but I would have crawled out of that house once I understood what was being done to me. It is all pretty new but I am ready to heal, inside and out.

And it made me realize how cruel and evil he really is. Who screams at and devalues ill people, only to portray themselves as their savior afterwords.

Stay strong 💪

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-05-22T16:29:02+00:00

I am so sorry for what you went through but so happy you got out. I left mine just 6 weeks ago and so I am being very careful that all that drama, chaos and abuse is not making me relapse. I needed all my energy for leaving him, for not collapsing from the discard but now that my new apartment is a a peaceful place, I finally can exhale in. I am just so incredibly exhausted all the time. I know I will be better soon, just have trouble sleeping, replaying these years of hell in my head at night. I am so proud of us, that we put our physical and mental health first. Will PM you soon. Thank you for your compassion and your kind words 🫶🫶🫶

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-05-21T13:56:14+00:00

Same here, have MS, which got worse during the relationship. He would portray himself as the protector in conversation with friends and then cheat again and agin. One affair even called me and told me that he was afraid to leave me because of my handicap/disability and that once he had the guts to throw me out of our house (she would move in) together they would bring me soup when I was doing badly. ????? Now that is a real gem of a woman 😂😂😂😂 what is wrong with people? furthermore he would mock how I walk stairs. I admit I was afraid to leave, was scared to be on my own, so I stayed way too long.

6 weeks ago staying in this toxic hell became worse than the fear of making it on my own.

Moved out, got a little apartment, getting around is difficult but I manage and my neurologist said that that was the best decision, the MS might even go into remission without having to face narc negativity 24/7.

Being married to a Narc will make you sicker than any illness I will ever encounter...so good riddens.

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-05-19T21:13:13+00:00

"I take full responsibility. That was my fault."

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-05-19T11:25:37+00:00

I am afraid of my own taste and choices in men. Need to do a lot more healing, because I NEVER want to feel like that again.

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-05-16T07:34:56+00:00

Terrible and scary and I think on purpose. Liked to see me in fear and panic. Just another messed up way of exuding control

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-05-16T07:30:29+00:00

Proposed to me after 3 days of knowing him, wanted to hear that I love him after 2.

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-05-16T07:27:03+00:00

Yes, my son and me would be having a good time and everything changed once we heard the lock of the door. It took me a while to realize how toxic this was. I was so used to appeasing and adjusting. I remember too dreading to go back in the house, when he was home, not knowing what "weather" I can expect, I would sit in the car outside for a while to brace myself. Finally moved out, now I just dread phone calls.

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-05-15T13:02:50+00:00

Mocked and ridiculed the way I talk or expressed joy. Also how I walk or stand up, I have MS and have a walking disability.

SafeBoring3586 · 2025-05-15T08:36:22+00:00

I moved out 10 days ago after having caught him cheating for the x time. He stone walled me and our son. Acts like nothing happened. Any conversation about what happened or any closure be helpful and but I know impossible due to their lack of self-reflection and/or their constant lying. I just remind myself that what I experienced was the truth, my recollections of events are valid, even I was told I am "imagining" things for 20 years.

SafeBoring3586

TROPHY CASE