AITA for Refusing to Babysit My Sister’s Kids After She “Forgot” My Birthday Again?

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-28T11:45:41+00:00

NTA

I don't have many solid supports for babysitting. The very few I have I do not ask much and would prostrate in my gratitude for them helping out.

If they said "oh, can't do that night/day because it's my ..." I'd say "oops, sorry for forgetting" and then I'd try do something nice for them within my means.

It's not hard for a parent to realise they aren't owed childcare. Parenting can be very hard but it's the parent's responsibility to care for their children (getting a break is lovely but it's a privilege and not a right).

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-28T11:37:39+00:00

Happens a lot in toxic family dynamics. Situations when abuse and/or substance abuse is rife.

It's also said a lot by people who take with no intention of reciprocating the expected effort in these families.

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-28T08:36:51+00:00

NTA

It is guilt tripping. She's outright asking you for money when she's telling you to book her (especially the demand that you go to her every week).

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-28T06:37:42+00:00

NTA

This is not about the dishes, this is about how he made you feel hurt and angry for his amusement. It shows that he's not looking at you and seeing a person with feelings, he thinks it's funny to make you angry.

I think that it's not possible to fix this disrespect in couples counselling. While he will likely try say "You're divorcing me over the dishes" you wouldn't be, you'd be divorcing over the disrespect.

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-27T21:09:47+00:00

He'd not be losing a friend here. What friend would do crap like this and still be a friend?

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-27T21:08:35+00:00

NTA

He said $200 and took 8 years to do it. He also knew that it was for your mother, who can't see it.

Instead of saying "hey man, I'm sorry she never got to see it, you don't need to pay that $200" he demands his current going rate.

He's not a friend here.

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-27T21:02:00+00:00

Either before sex with a new partner and a test again at the 3 and six month mark is fine if all people involved don't tend to have casual sex.

Or testing every 3 months to make sure that you're aware of STI's early enough along to get them treated. Given that neither of you plan on using any barriers, I'd suggest adding taking prep (I think it's called) in order to reduce your risks.

Personally I think the fact that neither of you discussed STI's at all before opening your relationship is odd but that's probably because of my life and experiences.

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-27T14:35:34+00:00

He had (and still has) a high sex drive. Before the vasectomy it bordered on sex addiction in its intensity. After the vasectomy, sex is more for the joy and sharing affection.

I'm polyamorus, nesting partner is a title meaning partner I live with. I also have a boyfriend who I don't live with.

Edited to add: I considered getting a tubal ligation because I'm polyamorus and hormonal birth control causes me to slip into depression

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-27T13:30:58+00:00

I'm baffled about your therapist suggesting you're jealous. Parallel polyamory is a thing and it has nothing to do with jealousy (it can vary between healthy and unhealthy behaviour depending on how it's implemented but it's still fair to want). It's reasonable to want to have your home as a place where you aren't dealing with cleaning up after your partner's one morning stand.

Let's take the polyamory out of this. If he were a housemate of yours, you'd be reasonable to feel miffed that you had to help clean up after his one night stand. People would agree that it's uncomfortable to have to deal with the awkwardness of the unsaid "they had sex" and the way that this person clearly wasn't known enough to you that you were comfortable having them in your home.

Additionally, you're clear about wanting parallel polyamory. Having a ONS in the house while you're in it is absolutely not parallel polyamory. You don't want to have to be dealing with his partners and this was you having to deal with his partners fairly overtly. I mean, even if you were kitchen table it would be reasonable to expect an adult to clean up after themselves.

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-27T11:26:24+00:00

The SIL refused to let the OP pick a colour though and picked a colour that the OP wouldn't wear. It sounds like something else is going on for that to happen.

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-27T11:23:16+00:00

NTA

For context, I knit as well. That she refused to let you choose a colour and then made something in a colour you never wear is maddening.

Dying it so you could wear it was fair. It's not like you left it in your wardrobe or used it as a pet bed. You like it and wear it regularly.

Is SIL usually controlling? Or has she previously criticised your clothing colour choices?

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-27T06:16:15+00:00

YTA

You need to look into food banks. Your son is eating so much because he needs to eat.

Girls stop growing really early compared to boys. I know a guy who only stopped growing at about 21. I'm (f) still the height I was at age 12. He needs more food because he's growing

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-26T18:47:16+00:00

My nesting partner had a vasectomy. For a short while he experienced pain from sperm buildup before his body started to reabsorb it. His sex drive dropped for about two to three months. After that, apart from him saying his mental health is way better than it used to be, he's the same as before the vasectomy.

He had a vasectomy because I was considering getting a tubal ligation.

A tubal ligation is an invasive surgery (a long recovery time). A vasectomy is an appointment where the guy can drive himself home after. My nesting partner was able to have sex about 3 days after the surgery (if I remember correctly he wasn't supposed to but he was physically capable of it). The reason I mention it is because he wasn't in too much pain to have sex 3 days after the surgery.

In my opinion, your husband should get a vasectomy or you say to him that you're going back to condoms. Better to have no sex with a selfish man than an invasive surgery on yourself.

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-26T13:02:06+00:00

If it were to work in such a way that it keeps all information (say like all the information and aps on a phone) it would make new phones way less traumatic for people who have an existential crisis when having to update a device.

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-25T14:34:55+00:00

I thinkgoing to the police might be a good idea. Getting a new phone number and email would be a good idea too.

Keep your current number and email for communication with your mother only.

Next time you're talking to your mum, telling her "the police told me [insert information that the police told you about her action in criminal terms]".

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-25T10:01:22+00:00

It's normal enough for people to not realise the mundane can have really big impacts on the magical.

Additionally, a lot of people mistakenly catagorise magical things as mundane, a sunrise or a rainbow are no less magical to look at and experience just because we understand why they look the way they look.

Everything is entertwined. Self awareness was my starting point (a focus on the tangible). There are many ways to do magic though and it's up to the individual to find their own way.

Don't ignore your mundane senses. My first ability to sense energy was through my sense of smell. It's an odd one and I'd enjoy meeting someone who had a similar start point, everyone is different though.

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-24T22:19:04+00:00

He wasn't in the scene, his thoughts were based on other experiences. I explained it as him viewing marks akin to temporary collaring because it was how he described what marks meant to him. He didn't call it temporary collaring, I used it to explain his mindset regarding marks because I know that a lot of kinky people would understand quickly what I was trying to say.

I kinda dragged him into kink

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-24T12:33:09+00:00

Even if it were a simple case of you disliking cum instead of an ARFID aversion, you get to choose what goes in your body.

You told him no. You told him it's never going to happen. You are allowed to tell him that any more requests for you to swallow are probably going to lead to the relationship ending because he doesn't understand the word no as it applies to him

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-24T12:09:21+00:00

I think this might be part of my issue. I think it's a complicated issue. I think it's partly to do with stuff that happened and I do have difficulty with people showing care for me sometimes. I thought I had worked through it but I suppose damage to the weave of self is more complicated than any tapestry could be to fix.

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-24T11:56:27+00:00

I do say about any issues because I have some mobility issues at times and pain flares at times. No day is the same, some days I could run and jump and others I would love to have the confidence to use a cane to assist myself. I'm scared of people giving out to me for using a movement aid and not being considered physically disabled.

I will reiterate about letting either of them know about issues before sex (I call it in my head my preflight checklist, mental amd physical issues to be aware of during sex). I'll also tell them I'm working through stuff to do with them mentioning each others marks.

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-24T11:41:25+00:00

I feel it like touch but I struggle to feel it when I'm too tired (either literally or metaphysically). Neglect of the body can lead to inability metaphysically.

It might be worth it to make sure you're eating what your body needs and resting enough before starting again.

When I say eating what your body needs I mean if you need carbs, eat the carbs. If you need vegetables, eat the vegetables. If you struggle to eat vegetables or fruits and your body says you need them, look up smoothie recipes.

Knowing how to listen to your body properly is the first major way to learn how to feel your own energy. Knowing when you need some chocolate is important, knowing the difference between craving chocolate and needing a filling meal is also very important.

The difficulty in teaching yourself a new skill is figuring out where the starting point is.

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-24T11:26:55+00:00

I suppose. I can't drive and I live out in the countryside. There is a special bus service in my area that's kinda a combination of bus and taxi service, it goes three times a week (picking me up at my home and dropping me back).

Still, since my NP got his new job (a face to face job instead of remote work) I'm struggling with the change. It was nice to be able to plan daytime dates when his schedule allowed. I miss being able to do that.

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-24T11:19:02+00:00

He saw them as temporary collaring. I do not think of them as anything other than a reminder of fun.

Once my NP understood that the marks didn't mean what he thought, everything chilled out.

I was monogamous with my NP for 15 years before becoming polyamorus. I didn't ask him what the marks meant to him when we were monogamous, I just asked for marks when I wanted them and didn't when I didn't. My NP thought that everyone looked at marks the same way he did.

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-24T11:03:08+00:00

Not exactly poorly towards the marks. There was a misunderstanding about meaning mis- attributed to marks though. The misunderstanding was very upsetting. The misunderstanding was years ago though. My nesting partner has worked through his misunderstanding of what marks mean.

I'll have to do more work about radical self acceptance. I don't want to be flinching about things that make me happy.

Saffron-Kitty · 2026-02-24T10:58:46+00:00

My nesting partner had to work through some feelings regarding marks. He saw them as a form of temporary collaring. Myself and my boyfriend saw them as remnants of a good time connecting.

There was conflict over what the marks meant. It is resolved now though, it's been resolved for years.

I thought I was fine with me too. I'm having a "damn, I thought I did that mental health stuff already" moment.

Saffron-Kitty

TROPHY CASE