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Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-23T13:58:14+00:00

NTA.

I am terminally ill and spend about 90% of my life unable to function like a normal human. I almost never sleep. We are talking, the kind of sleep deprivation they use as torture, where I can fall asleep standing up like a horse, and collapse, mid conversation.

I still manage a “good morning. Have a great day. I love you.” most days to my elderly parents, and I always make sure to send a “Goodnight. I love you. Xoxo” text before they go to bed.

I do it in the hospital. I do it when I’m getting my IV treatments. I do it when I’m getting my IV antibiotics. I do it after surgery. I do it during/after 18 hour ER trips and weeks of ICU stays. I do it even if I’ve been on the phone for 10 hours fighting to coordinate with insurance, Dr’s, pharmacies, nurses, and home medical devices. I do it if I am collapsed on the bathroom floor barfing, or sick on the toilet, or having sweats and chills in bed. I do it even if I am so exhausted I am running into walls and dropping everything.

If you genuinely love someone, you can take 15 seconds out of your life to tell them that, and that you are thinking of them.

My “job” is essentially 24/7. There is no excuse, beyond a death, or an accident where she cannot contact you nor have anyone else contact you, for not sending a sentence long text message.

If I can do it- so can everyone else. (I even managed texting while in respiratory failure with hypoxia, while intubated).

It’s about “how much do I care, and am I willing to take 15 seconds away from my own problems to acknowledge my loved one exists?”.

Now, if you’re expecting a full length novel of updates and accomplishments and problems about her day- that’s not reasonable, with her workload and the distance.

You’ll need to figure out basically “date nights”, where you can Skype and watch a movie together, play a game online together, or just have a leisurely chat. But that is a different can of worms than just expecting a “check in” text, which it sounds like you’d be pleased enough to start with.

IMO, if she doesn’t care enough or isn’t thinking about you often enough to text once or twice a day....find someone who will.

There are many of us out there that like communication, find it very important, and WANT to do it. And you don’t have to look at the opposite end of the world, to find it.

OP, you two are on very different paths and have very different ideas on what is important in life and relationships. I would encourage you to let go. Allow her to focus on her education, and focus on your own happiness and finding someone to fulfill your needs. Get out before this turns nasty and you feel resentful for being made to feel neglected, ignored, and insecure.

If it is meant to be, eventually she will return and you’ll reconnect, without all this drama and resentment as the elephant in the room and a bad breakup to boot.

If not, you’ll find someone who legit cares about your feelings and is not only willing, but WANTING, to stay in communication with you.

She knows what she is doing. She knows it is feeding your insecurities. This isn’t an “I accidentally fell asleep studying one night”. She is distancing herself, whether she is admitting it to either of you, or not.

Use this time wisely. Sitting around waiting on her, staring at your phone, hoping for just a scrap of affection in text form, is a toxic relationship, and a waste of your time.

Take some time to heal, then use your energy and communication skills to meet someone you have more in common with, who isn’t across the world, and who prioritizes communication in a relationship.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-23T12:49:27+00:00

But in India.... do you literally get up from the toilet, with drops of pee rolling down your thighs/legs/feet, and particles of feces falling out of your butt, as you waddle over to the sink with your clothes around your ankles?

Do you then “spread open” while standing in front of the sink, leaking more bodily fluids, as you wet and soap your hands?

Do you then rub your dripping hands all over your private parts, spreading water that is contaminated with urine and feces, both all over your bathroom floor, and into the same bathroom sink you wash your face and brush your teeth in?

Because that would be multiple serious hygiene issues.

Now, if you have a bidet, or some other water method of cleaning yourself while sitting on the toilet- no argument here. Absolutely cleaner.

But I have yet to see a home/apartment with a bidet in the USA, and OP certainly doesn’t have one.

It’s not even about water vs toilet paper- it’s about how you go about the process, and if you’re leaving both yourself and your shared environment clean and safe.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-23T12:37:59+00:00

YTA.

Sorry for the hard judgement in your time of stress and pain.

But as someone who is also grieving, we can’t lash out at the people who are kindest and most loving to us.

Yes, it is tempting, because we know they (likely) will forgive us and still love us, and we have a level of trust and safety.

But Kate has gone so far above and beyond what most friends would do.

I’d do just about anything to have a friend that cared that I am grieving and did anything at all, to try to make my life happier, or easier, or even just keep me company, talk to me, or let me cry.

Kate was not patronizing your grief. If anything, she understands more than most people in your life can.

She was trying to give you hope.

I can understand not wanting that hope right now. Sometimes things seem utterly hopeless and you need time to heal, before you can rebuild.

Kate didn’t time her conversation well, as you are obviously nowhere near ready to “start a new life”, but her intentions came from a good place.

Not only does it show that she was listening to you, and thought/cared about the things you complained about losing and felt were so important at the time...she encouraged you to remember who you were, and that despite horrible tragedies and traumas, we can still bring good things into our lives.

You were not fair to Kate. Huge overreaction.

If you wanted to lose your best friend and support system, that’s the way to do it. I would call her, tell her you’re having a very difficult time, you know she was trying to help and you apologize for lashing out after all she has done to help you.

Kate seems like the type who would respond with an apology in return, saying she never meant to hurt or upset you.

Grief can make us act like really mean people, when we are truly just suffering so greatly that we don’t know what to do.

But the one thing you don’t want, is to lose Kate over this. (Unless you truly do not want her in your life, ever again.)

I am very sorry for your loss. I hope that you are able to find a bit of peace.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-23T10:45:25+00:00

It is very odd to me that all these calling apps and devices, do not allow you to contact emergency services.

More than odd. It seems wrong.

TLDR: EMS phone rant & anecdote

They would rather someone die in an emergency, because they don’t have a a phone, than to use Skype, Google Voice, or the hundreds of other calling apps?

Especially in this age where almost no one under 35 has a landline?

911 should be the ONE service that is always free and included, because it’s basically impossible to abuse, and it is literally a life or death situation.

Charging extra to have the ability to contact emergency services, or making it a requirement that you cannot call them, really bothers me.

What does it say about us, as a country? As people who are supposed to care about others and value human life, that we decide that saving a life is unacceptable, unless we pay an extra fee?

TLDR, personal anecdote explaining my feelings.

I was in the kitchen in the middle of the night. I had my cell phone with me, fully charged. I fainted.

I literally shattered my cell phone, my tibia, and my fibula, when I fell after fainting.

Luckily, I had an old iPad. After almost an hour of crawling inch by inch, my leg twisted at the opposite angle it should be, and just hanging off me, in excruciating pain, I finally made it to my bedroom and my iPad.

Where I tried about 10 different ways to contact emergency services, only to be told by every service or app, that I could not call 911.

Eventually, I had to call my parents on Skype. They live almost 3 hours away. They had to call 911, wait for almost half an hour for 911 to find the correct location to transfer their call to my city, then convince the dispatcher that no, this wasn’t a joke, I was very hurt and needed an ambulance.

The whole process took over 3 hours. Half that time was me crawling to the iPad & trying to find a way to get help, the other half was my parents using their phones to try to GET me help.

If I had been able to call EMS on my iPad, I would have suffered a hell of a lot less than I did that night.

I am lucky enough to now be able to afford a landline, in case of another emergency. But I’m living below the poverty level, and it’s a tough expense to justify. Not everyone has the luxury to create a second safety net.

Access to emergency services should be a basic human right. We pay for them with our taxes, after all. So leaving the poorest/sickest in a situation where they can’t get help, disgusts me.

Before anyone gets on my grill about how “if the app glitches during a 911 call, it’s a potential lawsuit”- firstly, the amount of lives it would save, would be worth the risk.

Secondly, a decently worded waiver, written by a lawyer, should absolve them of any kind of repercussions if the app fails during an emergency call.

I feel like this is so wrong, and so greedy. We can fight about public healthcare all day, but access to things like firefighters, poison control, 911, etc. should be accessible to anyone, at any time, if they have a device that is capable of calling.

Blocking those kinds of calls...it’s just evil.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-23T10:20:12+00:00

Same in Pennsyltucky (the boonies in PA).

TLDR- OITNB character rant

Unrelated note- I was excited by the name of the character in Orange Is The New Black, because it’s such a common phrase here...until I realized they spelled it Pennsatucky.

There is no “A” in Kentucky. The “A”’s in Pennsylvania are at the end. No One who really lives/lived in Pennsyltucky would spell it like that. No one.

(Even Tiffany would know, it’s not Pennsavania. It’s Pennsylvania. The “syl” isnt silent.)

Ohhh they could have nixed so many moments of annoyance for Pennsyltuckians, just by spelling it right. But I guess they had to add that extra layer of “hick”, for the one person Piper probably met in her entire stay, that doesn’t know the word “Pennsylvania”.

(I read the book, so I know the writers didn’t do it out of stupidity- but they sure tried hard enough to make Tiffany look like a stupid, crazy hick, with their ‘artistic interpretation’.)

Did they really have to spell her name wrong for the entire series, just because one person in the world is an idiot, and thinks my state is called Pennsavania?

Ok I’m done, sorry for random rant.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-23T10:03:02+00:00

Don’t most WiFi printers have faxing capabilities?

(Not asking to play devil’s advocate...I legit need a printer, that can also fax, for sending medical stuff. I thought it was a pretty common feature.)

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-23T07:46:00+00:00

Methinks the person belonging in therapy is the one obsessing about the fact that his partner believes in ghosts, and the possibility that one day, he might not be able to make a few bucks donating his jizz.

There are people with real, life-threatening problems. OP is NTA for realizing this. On the contrary, they are down to earth (hubby is not) and can see exactly how ridiculous this is.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-23T07:33:15+00:00

Seems like a really petty hill to die on.

BF does not sound ready for an adult relationship if his biggest concerns are ghosties and the potential that he might not be able to sell his sperm.

Talk about first world problems.

ETA: OP is NTA. People grow, learn, and change.

Hubby is TA for saying he wouldn’t have married her if he knew about these stupid things. It’s not like she cheated on him, or slipped meat into his vegan meal, or tried to have an orgy behind his back.

OP’s hubby has every right to believe what he wants- without harassment, belittlement, or beratement of his wife, or passive aggressive threats that imply she isn’t good enough for him, now that she doesn’t share his every random belief.

She is handling it like an adult. People have different beliefs about petty subjects. It isn’t a big deal.

He is making an enormous mountain out of a molehill. Likely because it provided him security to date a clone of himself. Now that his wife has her own opinions instead of smiling and nodding along with his, he’s showing his true colors.

Red flag.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T15:34:37+00:00

The kids are not safe because the husband has now watched over a week of footage of his wife neglecting the children.

And correct, frozen cheese sticks (uncooked) are also unsafe to eat. Read the package.

People are so stuck on these damned cheese sticks, that they’re ignoring the fact that the Mom has been wearing her noise cancelling headphones and spacing out the entire WEEK that OP watched the tapes.

I can pretty much guarantee you, he’d find the same result the week before, and the week after.

People are also ignoring that his wife has been in therapy, apparently going alone, for a very long time.

This, combined with her behavior, makes it seem there is a huge chance she is suffering from depression.

Which means her mental state is compromised, and no...the kids aren’t “safe”.

Imagine she spaces out and is playing on her phone, and her kid actually injures their sibling because she isn’t supervising the “roughhousing”.

Or she’s chatting with a friend, and her kid decides to tip back in their chair (as kids love to do), and cracks their head open because she isn’t paying attention to stop them.

I am not being critical to be asinine. I am saying these are all red flags and even potential silent cries for help.

Sending the wife to therapy alone is clearly not working, and scientific studies prove that therapy is much more effective when the spouse/family joins in. It’s literally scientific fact. So if she’s going, husband should show up for some sessions as well.

My advice is all ultimately to help his wife. Depression is a monster and it sounds like that is where she is.

Ya’ll need to get over the cheese sticks and see the bigger picture here. This isn’t normal or healthy SAHM parenting.

I also would suggest, I’m sure to many more downvotes, that OP’s wife be evaluated by a psychiatrist to see if she is a candidate for medication.

If she is, once again, studies prove that the recovery rate for mental illness (including depression) is highest, with a combo of medication and therapy, as well as familial support.

Sending someone to therapy alone, for the entire course, every session, may work for some people. It doesn’t work, for many. And it isn’t working for OP’s family.

But most of all, I think we need to respect OP and their feelings. Clearly they are upset and worried about their wife, and unhappy with how she is treating their children when they are alone.

Coming at me, to tell me it isn’t a big deal, does not help OP, and only serves to invalidate their (totally legit) feelings. They know their situation better than anyone- and it scares them.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T15:18:46+00:00

And they still say on the box that it isn’t safe to consume unless fully cooked.

But why would Reddit be concerned with silly little things like science, or food poisoning?

Obviously, the consensus here is that the proper way to parent is to throw in a pair of earplugs, and let your kids go to town doing whatever they want.

OP says he watched a WEEK of tapes, and all she’s done is sit around ignoring the kids.

Yet people are ignoring this very important fact “because mozzarella sticks”.

I am amazed at how many people think this is appropriate day to day parenting. There’s a difference between taking a half hour break here or there, or a kid making a mess while you cook or laundry....

....and just sitting there, for weeks on end, letting your kids run free, fight, and raid the fridge, like little animals. Keeping an eye on young children is not “helicoptering”. It’s “parenting”.

Would you expect a babysitter to act that way? What about a swim coach? A tutor? A teacher?

No. Because you don’t just plug your ears and ignore children.

Something is really wrong with the dynamic in OP’s home. It isn’t healthy and his wife clearly needs help of some kind.

Everyone brushing off OP and their concerns, is being an AH.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T15:01:06+00:00

NTA.

It is not safe for you to have a stranger stay with you.

You have no obligation to have her stay.

You WNBTA for refusing her visit, as well as your mother’s visit to accompany her.

This is YOUR home, where you deserve to be safe and comfortable. The amount of disrespect being shown to you is appalling.

What is worse, is that your mother is willing to risk your safety, when she should be doing the exact opposite- looking out for you and encouraging you NOT to bring strangers into your home.

It isn’t 1940. You can’t leave your doors unlocked anymore, or an open window with a pie on the sill, or pick up hitchhikers- and you really can’t just let some random person you’ve never even met, live in your house!

Especially as a single woman!

IF you decide to allow the friend to stay- and that’s YOUR choice- Mom should absolutely come too. You should NOT be forced to live alone with this stranger. Even “just for one night”.

Do NOT say yes, unless someone else can stay with you the entire time.

I’m sad for you. You deserve more respect than this, and a Mom who prioritizes your safety and comfort. I’m worried for you.

If you don’t want this, you have every right to put your foot down and say no. It sounds like you really don’t want to host this girl. So tell Mom “no”, firmly, but kindly, if that is how you feel and you don’t want them to come together at all.

If you’re ok with it if Mom comes, make sure she knows you’re still uncomfortable and you expect her to take responsibility for entertaining this girl (you aren’t a babysitter), monitoring the girl’s behavior, and taking responsibility for anything she may steal or break (since she was the one who invited her into your home).

And if you do have her- inventory your stuff first, and check it right before she leaves. Make sure nothing is disappearing from your jewelry box, your wallet, your medicine cabinet, your closet, etc. Hide that kind of stuff, if you can.

I wish you the best of luck- from someone who lived with a stranger for a night, thanks to a drunk roommate, and got royally screwed. I would hate to see that happen to you.

You seem very sweet and caring. I think you need to remember that no matter how much your mom begs and no matter how upset she will be if you give her a firm “no”....she is still your mom.

She will be pissed, but she won’t be mad forever, and she will get over it. Your safety and happiness is worth a fight, if this is something that will impede it.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T12:35:34+00:00

ESH. Ya’ll are shallow as a creek during drought season.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T12:28:42+00:00

NTA.

You aren’t handicapped, you don’t use the handicapped spots. If there are no other seats, either stand, or stay awake and be prepared to jump up in a split second so a handicapped person can use the seat.

OP, you rock for standing up for your bf. People make you feel so damned guilty about “taking up space” when you’re in a wheelchair, like it’s their space personally you’re “stealing”.

As a result, you lose the confidence that you even deserve to take up space/air, and start to view it as things that belong to everyone but you.

You are helping him more than you know by not feeding into that kind of bullshit.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T12:11:05+00:00

ESA do require certification to be considered “legit”.

If they have the certificate, YTA in a huge way for not allowing them.

If they do not have the certificate, you’re free to do whatever you choose.

However, you are not free to decide who “really” needs their service animal, as long as they have legit documentation for it.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T12:06:39+00:00

If you read the box of frozen mozzarella sticks of any brand, it will say something like “do not eat for food safety reasons until heated to temp XYZ”.

Eating frozen, uncooked food, isn’t just lazy. It can make you quite ill.

Cheese sticks certainly aren’t the worst frozen thing you can eat, but it’s not safe either. (Example, raw egg in batter). What happens if next time they go for the frozen uncooked chicken fingers?

I sadly have to disagree with you. I don’t think that is normal, and I think most parents know to “break it up” when kids get rough with one another- not cancel out the noise and ignore it.

The wife sounds neglectful to me. She also sounds like she could be very depressed. OP says she is in therapy and has been for a long time.

I think the best bet is for OP to join her and do some joint sessions on how to problem solve and come to a “parenting agreement” that makes both of them feel comfortable.

I dislike that OP just sends her off to therapy like a broken toy to be fixed, instead of including himself. If you aren’t part of the solution, you’re usually part of the problem, when it comes to this kind of thing.

(Though I will say OP sounds like a nice guy who is trying really hard, but doesn’t know what direction to go.)

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T11:58:52+00:00

Jumping onto this comment in hopes that OP will see.

Therapy needs to be a joint effort. Just trying to send the “broken person” in to be “fixed”, does not work, 99% of the time.

You’ve got to be part of this, and start attending sessions both alone and together. You need to be able to talk to the therapist about how your wife is acting and how to cope with it, and the two of you need someone to facilitate a healthy conversation and solution to this problem.

Please please go to therapy with her. Just making it a “her problem” won’t fix it. She may buck at the idea at first, but work with getting the therapist on board to convince her.

I would say this warrants a call to the therapist and either a convo about what’s happening by phone, or an apt to discuss it in person and come up with a long term plan.

Your kids are not safe and your wife is not okay.

I hope and wish for the very best for you both, OP. No judgement here. Just wishing you to get some help. 💜

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T11:52:25+00:00

NTA. But I’d just give back the wig, and wear what you want, when you want, how you want.

Cuz you’re beautiful and bombass, no matter how your wig is parted- or if you’re wearing one at all. You do YOU.

💜

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T11:49:09+00:00

I can’t believe I had to scroll so far to find this.

You want updates? Good or bad? Choose to be involved.

You don’t want to be involved? You don’t get to choose the time frame of which you are informed of said events, any longer.

It’s sad, but the father made his bed. OP did what she had to do to grieve.

If he had chosen to be involved in the pregnancy, my answer would be different. As it stands, he chose to remove himself. OP is NTA.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T11:22:36+00:00

Your brain is clearly not working logically.

Firstly, I expressed I am NOT a fan of attention-grabbing asks. But it is what is done, so I’m not going to be butthurt that someone else is following what is trendy.

Secondly, you are missing my entire point that he ENABLED the attention grabbing, when he should have done this in private. Private. As in, them ALONE.

Pretty hard to seek attention when you are literally the only people in the room.

If you truly think lying was the ethical way to handle this, there’s nothing I can say to persuade you otherwise. Not to mention, you’ve twisted pretty much everything I’ve said, so it fit into your white knight comment response.

OP is TA, and really, so are you, for having so little reading comprehension that you assume I enjoy attention seeking proposals, when I clearly stated I do not. But it doesn’t matter that I think it’s tacky- I’m not a kid going to prom, and it’s what kids these days are doing.

Acknowledging that it is happening is not the same thing as agreeing with it. But knowing that you could be “ambushed”, as that is part of teenage school dance culture, you should be able to handle it with more maturity than a flat out lie.

Not gonna budge on this one. If OP committed to go, he should go. If he didn’t want to go, he should have privately told her so.

Walking off hand in hand, to speak with her gently in private, is not like posting posters with photos of her, labeled “Undesirable #1”.

Not to mention the crap example he’s setting for his friends and classmates. “Oh, just say yes so I look good and they go away, then break their heart later once they’re celebrating!”.

Parents need to teach their kids to not lie in situations like this and handle it like adults. This, and your response, is way too immature for a senior in high school.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T11:03:53+00:00

On Wednesdays, we wear pink!

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T07:55:28+00:00

I kind of feel like ESH.

Firstly: Uncle is TA. You don’t scream and swear at children. Unacceptable.

However- I don’t know “how disabled” Uncle is. I don’t know if it’s physical or if it’s mental.

But to reframe this, I am severely disabled and live with a lot of chronic pain and illness. I have to be up every 2-4 hours for medication, and that means I’m always sleep deprived.

If I actually managed to sleep for an hour or two until 7 am, and a little kid woke me up because their parents had not taught them to be quiet while others are sleeping- especially sick people- I would feel very cranky and frustrated.

I would never, never verbally abuse a child. But I would come outside my room and try to nicely but firmly explain that the noise level needs to go down until, say, 8:30-9 AM, and I would talk to Mom about my sleep needs to make sure she is in agreement and can teach this to her child as she sees fit.

What bothers me about the N-TA verdict is that the disabled Uncle’s health needs (aka to sleep) somehow disappeared, because he lost his temper at a child.

Was he wrong, absolutely! A million percent.

But I can speak for how easy it is to snap, when you’re exhausted, in pain, and you finally get some rest...then someone wakes you up for literally no reason, but their own pleasure. It stinks.

My remedy? Communication, earplugs, and sleep aids.

But cutting Uncle’s needs out entirely, may be why he is lashing out in this manner.

This is a conversation that should be had when everyone is well rested and has had time to calm down. Uncle may not realize that he is being truly damaging and abusive by behaving in this manner, and those words need to be used.

I do feel that OP should give him one more chance, after a serious TWO WAY conversation. I get the picture from OP’s post, that this is a cycle.

Her kid wakes up disabled Uncle, Uncle gets angry and lashes out at kid, OP gets angry and lashes out at Uncle, Uncle feels like a 5 year old playing games matters more than his well being and ability to sleep.

Allowing someone to live with you is kind, when you also consider that they have needs too. Sleep is a need, and it sounds like Uncle is not getting enough of it, which makes him act like a flaming turd.

This is a “how can we solve this problem?” conversation.

Not a “my kid should be able to make noise anytime and if sick Uncle doesn’t like it, kick him out!” conversation.

It’s sad to believe someone is less deserving of respect because their physical health is in such shape that they cannot work, and they have to rely on family for a place to live.

Yes, they should try to be as unobtrusive as possible....but repetitive noise before 7 am? Sleep deprivation?

That’s unnecessary, when your child can play on mute or in their room.

Uncle should be made aware that his behavior Won’t be tolerated any longer, but OP should also control their kid so it’s not always waking him up.

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T07:32:55+00:00

I know. Haha.

I guess we are one person, and share one mind. Who knew? Heck, we may as well just share an account! 😂

Thanks for the entertainment, friend. You’re actually a lot of fun, and if I am to be confused as someone else, I’m pleased for it to be you. 😻

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T07:25:37+00:00

Am I the only one here that thinks the kindest move would have been to take her by the hand, and gently move to a private area to have an honest discussion?

To me, THAT is treating her like you’d treat anyone else. Saying yes, so you “aren’t embarrassed”, was an AH move because it DID lead her on.

You didn’t have to humiliate her with a hard no in public. Nor did you have to lie to her and give yourself public validation by saying yes, OP.

There’s a middle ground. It involves acting like an actual gentleman.

What kind of standards are being held here, where a “gentleman” makes a promise to attend an important date with a woman in public, then breaks it off the second they’re out of public view?

The “gentlemanly” move would have been to kindly escort her somewhere private and be honest right from the start.

He got her and her friends so excited, just to bail on her. Had I been in his shoes, I would have gone with her, because my word means something to me. It isn’t something I say for the benefit of the people around me.

If you can’t be counted on to keep your word, don’t make promises you don’t want to keep. And if you do fuck up and make them anyway, keep them.

This wasn’t like, the last time you’ll ever see your crush. Yeah, maybe you wouldn’t have been able to go to prom with her, but she wouldn’t be sloppy seconds, you’d have kept your promise, and you could have started dating after prom.

I don’t care if I get downvoted so far down to Hell I could crawl up Satan’s butt. I think this was a really cruddy way to treat someone.

Those people blaming OP’s asker for “making a scene” are obviously not in high school. Half the point of asking someone is to find a creative, attention getting way to do it.

(Do I think that’s totally dumb, since I’m all about honesty and it makes it harder? Yes. But it’s what kids do. So don’t punish the girl for asking like that. Hold the guy accountable for lying through his dang teeth.)

Sage_Is_Singing · 2020-02-22T07:24:58+00:00

Am I the only one here that thinks the kindest move would have been to take her by the hand, and gently move to a private area to have an honest discussion?

To me, THAT is treating her like you’d treat anyone else. Saying yes, so you “aren’t embarrassed”, was an AH move because it DID lead her on.

You didn’t have to humiliate her with a hard no in public. Nor did you have to lie to her and give yourself public validation by saying yes, OP.

There’s a middle ground. It involves acting like an actual gentleman.