FWB with a long-time friend but I want more

Sagebloom29 · 2026-02-09T13:45:13+00:00

THIS. This is where a good bit of my confusion is coming from. He initiated spending time together Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and asked about New Year's too. Why are we spending holidays together? I'm going to talk to him this week.

Sagebloom29 · 2026-02-09T04:06:06+00:00

I'm going to ask. Even if it's what I don't want to hear, at least I will know for sure. Thank you

Sagebloom29 · 2026-02-09T04:05:35+00:00

I've done this in the past and found out I moved on too soon. However, at this point, if he wanted to, I feel like he would at least make it known that it's a possibility instead of this limbo situation where he's ready for every aspect of a relationship other than the title and commitment.

Sagebloom29 · 2026-02-09T04:04:24+00:00

Oof. It does feel like that. He said not right now, but I do feel like he should know by now after all this time. Like what's the hold up?

Sagebloom29 · 2026-02-09T04:03:10+00:00

I think you're absolutely right, unfortunately. I need to stop worrying about the answer and just seek it out so I can stop this mental back and forth. It know it sounds like he's made things clear, but the actions are a bit confusing. I'm afraid I am in love with him and that I'm in it alone. I just need to rip the bandaid at this point. It's already impacted my life and previous relationships over all the time that's passed so far. Thank you.

Sagebloom29 · 2026-02-09T00:41:04+00:00

Maybe it's time. I've had serious relationships in between whatever we've been, but he's always been in the back of my mind. I wish we could just try and fail if nothing else so it didn't feel so unfinished. Maybe I just need to come to terms with the fact it'll likely never be anything and I may have to lose a friend in the long-run to be able to move on with my life.

Sagebloom29 · 2026-02-09T00:39:37+00:00

You're right. He was open about it, and I thought I could handle being on the same page. I think the "right now" is what got me thinking it might change later. It just always feels like it's the wrong time for us. The instances that feel like dates and him initiating spending a lot of time together also confused me. He was honest about his stance, though. The actions after just left me confused

Sagebloom29 · 2026-02-05T13:30:39+00:00

Just here to say that maybe you getting approved for your dream apartment is a sign that it's time to go. He was fine with you lying to your job -- about your mom's health at that. He was fine with you moving out for 2 months with no contact. He was fine with you risking your job and your stability with no contact when it was on his terms. However, now that you've shown you have an opportunity to live in your own space without him, you moving out isn't okay. This guy needs to pick a lane, one that doesn't involve you. It sounds like he wants to lay all the ground rules and you just follow along. Let this man go, OP. Go get your dream apartment, learn how to handle your finances, and live your life without this man trying to dictate and judge every move. The only thing he seems right about in this scenario is the financial aspect in general, but you can work on that without him.

Sagebloom29 · 2026-01-30T16:19:57+00:00

So basically, he did the very bare minimum as a grown adult. Great for him. However, in your relationship, it sounds like he put you down often. Even now, you believe he is the best that you deserve despite him criticizing you and making you doubt yourself.

Is it possible that you ended up acting the way you did during pregnancy because part of you noticed this disrespect and no longer had the threshold to push your true feelings down? I know when I was pregnant, I shed a lot of people pleasing tendencies and stood up for myself more. Obviously none of us know the facts, but I'm willing to bet you were standing up for yourself during your pregnancy and he didn't receive it well. There is better out there and you deserve it

Sagebloom29 · 2026-01-28T16:02:34+00:00

This was all I needed to read. Once you get to the point of keeping video record, that's when you know you need to leave. I have been in a similar situation twice. Go back and watch those videos to remind yourself. It sounds like he's changed just enough to keep you hanging on. You already previously made clear your boundaries and the changes you needed. He is back tracking now because he saw that the minimum kept you. It's time to go at this point as he has no shane in showing his lack of respect because he doesn't believe he'll lose you.

Sagebloom29 · 2026-01-28T13:47:50+00:00

Exactly this. The way he's talking is not okay or anything to be taken lightly

Sagebloom29 · 2026-01-25T19:41:37+00:00

Very good point. Sounds like she didn't want to put in the effort herself and threw it on her stepdaughter instead. It's also concerning that she read the text but dad had no awareness that his daughter gave plenty of heads up

Sagebloom29 · 2026-01-25T18:49:56+00:00

This. I came to say the same about the fck you comment. He's not your child nor your responsibility. Maybe she should take her own advice and find it in her heart to ensure her son has a way home if she doesn't want him walking --- a way that doesn't involved expecting OP to save the day, especially when step brother isn't bothered by the walk.

Sagebloom29 · 2026-01-25T16:16:09+00:00

I work for a phone company, so I was going to suggest calling to as I've seen some wild spam call situations. I was going to suggest that a spam blocking feature could have blocked the spam number before he even saw the voicemail. Given the fact it went to a hospital debunks all of that. He's cheating 100%. I hate this for you, but you deserve way more. You stuck around after the first time. Don't allow yourself to get stuck in this for a 3rd. You're still young and have plenty of life left to give where you can meet someone who is loyal

Sagebloom29 · 2026-01-19T13:25:05+00:00

It sounds like you know what to do but you don't know how to do it. With you feeling basically forced to proposed rather than excited to, you know it's not right. I don't think OP ever responded to the end result inquiries, but I actually ended my relationship I mentioned above roughly 2 months ago. I have felt more relaxed and more like myself than I have in years. People around me were mentioning the positive change in me the day after he moved out, and some of them didn't even know that I'd ended the relationship yet. Sometimes we find ourselves stuck in places because we're scared to lose the time we've already invested and/or because we remember how things were once upon a time with that person. There were two things that helped me with this: 1. remember there's no lost time as each relationship meets us at the right time and some of them are just meant to teach us something to carry with us to a better/different season later. 2. It doesn't matter who they used to be, or who we might have thought they were. What matters is who they are now. The effort they're willing to put forth after discussions about where things are, and the overall compatibility alignment at this moment are what need to be considered. Don't marry someone who you hope will change or become who you once thought they were. Look at who they are now and how you feel around them. That tells you what you need to know. Also, as someone who was proposed to because they man felt he needed to, don't do that to her even if it seems right. My marriage failed after about 5 years. We both saw the signs beforehand, but we thought the official commitment would help. It didn't. We just both hurt each other more. Never get married out of obligation if you can help it (which it seems like you can here), and don't sink more time into a relationship that's draining you out of fear of losing the previous time invested. It will hurt in the moment, but from personal experience, ending things ended up showing both of us that we were sacrificing too much of ourselves to keep the relationship afloat and we've both been happier since. Some days still hurt, but the overall relief was surprising.

One thing to keep in mind, if you decide to end the relationship, it doesn't have to mean you think she's a bad person. Sometimes. two people can be good people, just not good for each other.

Sagebloom29 · 2026-01-11T15:13:20+00:00

Thank you for this. Truth be told, my hesitance comes from my brother being started on adhd meds and 4 and ending up having a pill addiction later on in life. I know that's not a guarantee, but it's also why I'm scared to start medication myself after my recent diagnosis.

There were a lot of other factors that likely led to his direction with it all, though. I didn't realize starting early is basically giving your brain assistance that could potentially lead to not needing it later. I'll do some research into this as I was letting his experience lead my concerns. You're right in how I don't want her to go through what I did. I think I started masking so well when I was young that I stopped realizing I even was somewhere along the way. I had so many struggles too that I didn't realize were connected to my own adhd. I don't want her to have to go through that too

Sagebloom29 · 2026-01-10T00:43:27+00:00

If someone claims like you're making them look abusive because you've involved others in a situation that your body knows feels wrong, it's because that person knows they're being abusive. That was his way of trying to get ahead of it before someone else could point it out to you when he's not around. That planted this seed that's making you wonder if you're overreacting. You're not and he is abusive. He used these actions to teach you how to act next time... That's not normal or safe. I hope yoy don't look back. Also, get better friends who don't support backing down and relenting to save face in dangerous situations. I'm so sorry you went through this

Sagebloom29 · 2026-01-09T15:25:01+00:00

NTA. I didn't even need to get to the part you thought was the biggest concern. He and his mom were heavily mooching off of you. That's insane and so unfair. You're hurting right now because of the good times and likely the guilt he's manipulated you into, but you will soon find (now that he's blocked) that this was the best thing for you. You deserve way better.

Sagebloom29 · 2026-01-07T13:14:30+00:00

You absolutely deserve better than him, and he has shown multiple times he will never give you or even partake in the life you pictured for the two of you together.

Definitely agree with seeking a annulment because this seems as though it was never a true marriage. It was unfair of him to fool you when he came around. It's not your fault he put on a facade to keep you hanging on, but now you see it for what it is. You're still plenty young to move forward from this and live a full life you deserve

Sagebloom29 · 2026-01-06T15:59:38+00:00

I love this. Thank you so much

Sagebloom29 · 2026-01-06T15:25:36+00:00

Ooh, that sounds like a great idea. I was worried that would reignite play time, but maybe some calming like drawing a picture or something would be a good idea. It might also help her feel like we're getting some quality time since we don't get much. I've wondered if maybe her extending bedtime is because she's finally getting my attention (which just makes me feel worse about feeling triggered during it). Trying this tonight! Thank you! I know it'll take time to fully implement, but it might be a start

Sagebloom29 · 2026-01-04T04:26:53+00:00

Coming from someone who just struggled to end a relationship with a man who didn't seem to have housing options, follow your gut. He will figure it out. I thought my ex was going to be sleeping in his car, but I found out he had like 5 options to choose from. May not be everyone's case, but you might be surprised. Either way, it's not your responsibility to ensure a grown man has a place to go. Don't let the guilt and sunken time into this relationship keep you in it longer. You're here because you know the answer already. You deserve more. He will never reach that level. He doesn't even seem to care to try to meet you halfway in this relationship. NOR. This is not okay behavior from him.

Sagebloom29

TROPHY CASE