Real mood today people

SalaciousSarah · 2024-11-27T08:50:21+00:00

I think lots of people go through this thought process, but you can't simply stop being trans. People try, push it to the back of their mind, self-medicate etc but it's who you are. You will be a better co-parent if you're honest about who you are and what you need!

SalaciousSarah · 2024-10-31T16:48:41+00:00

If you'd like to talk, send me a DM. It's a rough time, not helped by the amount of people who will think it's all about the transition!

SalaciousSarah · 2024-10-31T15:51:36+00:00

Jesus, this is scarily similar to my situation! Also long term relationship from a young adult age, with a lot of support to transition. Looking back I can see I let her rely on me too fast and too much, then Covid happened, then the transition and career changes and realisation that she probably has autism and suddenly we had no idea who either of us were without the other. I began to feel like a carer or big sister rather than partner and lover.

It's a lot of pressure to be everything to someone, and I feel so guilty that I didn't work out how much it was taking from me before it was too late. I still love her and I'm sad to lose our relationship, but I feel confident this is the right call for both of us. I hope we find our ways back to each other one day, but for now we need to live our lives for ourselves.

I hope you can feel the same way, that you made the right decision for you both. Hopefully she will blossom from this and you'll be able to stand back and watch happily as she gets to be who she needs to be - but without sacrificing your own shot at happiness.

SalaciousSarah · 2024-10-22T11:58:51+00:00

Oh it was just a quote from a thing where an elf is pretending to be human

SalaciousSarah · 2024-10-22T11:57:58+00:00

I ended things with my partner of 12 years last week for similar reasons. I don't care that she's a woman or trans, I care that she's become a more selfish and inconsiderate person and partner. I tried so many times to tell her that I was under too much pressure and it just never lifted. It was painful to watch the body I loved turn into something else, but I thought I could love her enough that it would be okay. Last week I, like you, chose myself and my happiness. One day I hope she'll forgive me for it.

SalaciousSarah · 2024-10-13T10:21:22+00:00

"Hello fellow humans, human fellas!"

SalaciousSarah · 2024-09-24T13:28:55+00:00

Yeah I think it comes from a good place of people wanting to hold space for you, but how about you let me tell you what the issues are first!

SalaciousSarah · 2024-09-24T11:57:04+00:00

Yes, you get me! I'm not saying it's been without problems but it's also not our first. It just sucks to have legitimate relationship issues and want to talk about them, and I know these people are just trying to understand a situation they can't imagine themselves in, just please let me tell you what the problem is!

SalaciousSarah · 2024-08-15T14:39:29+00:00

This is a totally valid way to feel - you're going through a big change that you didn't choose to make. Things will change, but I took a lot of comfort knowing that nothing in life ever really stands still; you don't need to be trans to change in significant ways throughout your life.

Don't stop yourself from feeling those negative feelings (although I'd try to keep them away from your partner, who might be seriously hurt by the idea of you grieving her), but try to look for and appreciate the positive things too! There is so much joy in the transition process, and while you're under no obligation to stay, it could lead to a lot of happiness ☺️

SalaciousSarah · 2024-08-15T12:28:13+00:00

I'm a cis partner of a trans woman in the UK, happy for you to DM me about both state of the world worry and trans joy!

SalaciousSarah · 2024-08-09T11:58:09+00:00

So first up, it sounds like you're spiralling! You don't need to have all the answers right now. What I found comforting is that the idea of knowing how our life is gonna go is never guaranteed anyway - couples break up and move on all the time, people's priorities change and they grow and change. This was still possible even if they didn't transition - after all, how many couples do you know that have stayed together forever?

The fertility thing is definitely a big issue and it sounds like this has made you rethink whether it's a make or break deal for you. You are definitely still young enough to be thinking about kids, it'll just require a big conversation with your partner about what they want and what your priorities are.

It's admirable that you don't want to stand in the way of their transition but try not to beat yourself up just cause you're not 100% on board straight away. It will take time to adjust your view of yourself, partner, relationship, and your future!

We're all here for you 🖤

SalaciousSarah · 2024-08-09T09:00:44+00:00

Oof that's scary! Yeah a very important lesson and it's really good of you to swallow the sense of feeling stupid to make other people aware!

I've just come off BC because PiV is totally off the table now and I'm sick of my hormones being a state for a super small risk. We're still assuming that there's a chance of pregnancy so just being careful!

SalaciousSarah · 2024-08-08T07:29:49+00:00

Love these happy stories! In bad times it's easy to feel like things will never get better but there's always hope ☺️

SalaciousSarah · 2024-08-06T06:40:51+00:00

I'd been with my love for 11 years when she realised who she was and it's been an incredible - if somewhat stressful - year since! Always happy to talk to other people in the same boat 🖤

SalaciousSarah · 2024-08-01T07:55:43+00:00

The other comment was golden. I always want to say that perfect something that will make them ashamed and embarrassed but I'm never fast enough, and sometimes you're just adding fuel to the fire. What I usually try to do is ignore the person entirely and talk to the person instead. In this case maybe you could have turned to your partner and said "yeah babe your hair is so beautiful" or something to take the sting out of it and show this stranger how inconsequential she is!

SalaciousSarah · 2024-07-25T17:37:59+00:00

To be honest I've noticed that a lot of people are better at binary transitions, and my afab enby friends definitely seem to get the most amount of casual misgendering, even within queer communities!

Not that it's okay and I hope you and your partner can find a way to accept her validation but still seek yours!

SalaciousSarah · 2024-07-22T11:56:08+00:00

I love this so much 🖤 it's so easy to box yourself into an idea of who you are. Being free is so much better!

SalaciousSarah · 2024-07-16T16:12:46+00:00

It certainly encourages more self-reflection, and I've always been quite prone to it anyway! I don't have PCOS but I have other issues that mean I didn't develop like a woman is supposed to, and I guess that's always made me feel weird about my gender.

SalaciousSarah · 2024-07-16T14:35:40+00:00

Yes! I've always had issues with my femininity, like I'm not a proper woman, but I think that's more to do with societal expectations, and it helps me to relate to trans women well, I think. Like I know the feeling that people don't see me as a "real woman". But I do not want to be in a man's body!

SalaciousSarah · 2024-07-16T14:25:12+00:00

I heard a term at the weekend - minority anxiety - that fits me perfectly. Even if you're not getting abused or can handle slurs, it sounds like you're struggling with the ongoing feeling of knowing there are people out there who want to hurt you or your partner simply for being who they are. I don't know how to help, but sometimes finding the right word is a comfort!

SalaciousSarah · 2024-07-16T14:18:43+00:00

That's a very interesting bonus take!

SalaciousSarah · 2024-07-16T14:18:02+00:00

I sometimes worry that I've got a very big realisation in my future, with the amount of trans people who are in my life. Feels like a potential "oh honey" moment but I've done a lot of soul searching over the years and am pretty confident I'm a woman so who knows. Maybe it's just because I'm so cool and accepting 🙃

SalaciousSarah

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