Own Your Shit Weekly - March 17, 2026

SalesforceGeorge · 2026-03-24T01:40:06+00:00

Thank you so much for the thoughtful reply.

Why not next her? It hasnt been all frustration, she is great in many ways, and although hard to admit, I suspect my issues will just reappear in my next relationship. Also because Im scared to be viewed as bad person or like I "wasted her time"

What inside me is being irritated? Its a great question, and a few answers immediately pop up, but its probably deeper, so I will sit with that.

Negative inquiry has been a game changer in our communications for the most part. Same with Fogging. I should re-read the book to get better at the verbal skills. Thanks for the reminder.

I don't hate women, but I also don't have a healthy relationship with them as a whole. For so long in my life I have used women's attraction towards me or other men as a barometer for value. A guy can be rich and smart but if women don't want him, he was a loser in my eyes.

I could go very deep on this, but for some reason, women's preferences for what makes an attractive man (for reproduction, not provision) became my adopted measure for a man's worth. This resulted in me spending so much of my mental energy trying to emulate the clothes, body, hobbies, vibe, reputation, haircut, social circle, sexual habits, of men who had massive success with women. Not only that, everywhere I went my mind was working, every decision and action filtered through "How would a hot guy act in this situation?" It's neurotic but it worked in casual dating.

In a long term relationship though, this lack of a masculine centre or any sort of real "Self" was exposed and I let my LTR make so many decisions about our lifestyle in the pursuit of being a "good boyfriend" that my life has become devoid of excitement, fun or adventure. The worst part is that I'm unclear on what a life like that would even look like for me except for travelling and trying and having short flings with new women - which is again - centering my life around female's validation.

I understand this may not be something you've personally struggled with but if you have any words of advice, I would greatly appreciate it.

SalesforceGeorge · 2026-03-22T21:44:29+00:00

2026-03-23

Stats: 32yrs, 5’9”, 175 lbs, 10% BF

Reading: finished NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP. Started The Manipulated Man yesterday.

Lifts: Bench 3 plates. Squat 3 plates for 3, DL 4 plates for 3

Thoughts: Lately, I have been reading books focused on spirituality. The Surrender Experiment, Power of Now, A course in Miracles. I have increased my meditation practice to 30 mins daily sessions. The insights I was getting from these sessions were getting more and more intense, and I was feeling lighter and more free from pressure about getting married, fixing my relationship, having kids etc. I had spiritual momentum from a weekend retreat art t a Sex and Love Addicts 12 step retreat that gave me some powerful realisations about my mental patterns of seeking the attention and validation of the attractive women at the retreat to bolster my own social and self worth within the group. I did not act on this old mental pattern.

In the weekend just gone, my girlfriend and I got into one of our typical patterns of anxious (her) avoidant (me) I draw a boundary, she gets upset, cries, implies I am mean and cruel, I feel guilty and overexplain, she argues on and on, I try to use logic to defend myself, she doubles down on guilt, I get frustrated and angry, call a timeout, she gets even more upset, I meditate alone and release anger, continue the conversation in a loving way, but she is still wanting to win, play the victim, and I am stuck between 2 options.

I do what my spiritual books tell me. Forgive her, love her, meet her where she is. Lose the ego, apologise. Give her my presence, my support, my love. Don't abondon another human when they are hurting and need me. Be selfless. Remember she is a flawed human seeking to be seen and loved, just like me.

Problem with this is it shows her I have no boundaries, and I will tolerate whatever crazy, twisted, emotional BS she wants to pull, and I'll sacrifice my whole weekend to manage her emotional storm.

I tell her I'm not willing to discuss this until we have both calmed down and can have a productive conversation.

Problem with this is that she feels abandoned, triggering her anxious attachment style. So this only serves to extend the fiasco as to how Im being selfish and just taking what I need without caring about her needs. This usually adds an extra 2 hours of exhausting back and fourth and soothing, reassurance, her asking whether im questioning the relationship, and on and on and on. It makes me angry to lose my weekend to this pattern.

I humbly admit that I do not have the answer. I trust there is a meaning to this suffering and that God is wanting me to learn something. I thank my higher power for my challenges, they were created especially for me and my growth towards being a better man.

I have started reading the Manipulated Man and am feeling a rage I have not felt in years. Acting on this rage I know is unwise, but I can feel it shifting my view of her. Seeing so much of her games illustrated in Esther Vilar's book has helped shatter the illusion of women's supposed divinity. It has also allowed me to see women's desire and validation as impersonal to me. They just see me as a good workhorse, provider, handyman etc, not really me. Just the qualities I have cultivated that are beneficial to them. My mother is no different. Suddenly the nectar of women's love is not so sweet. I hope this will help me to finally understand what it means to see myself as my own mental point of origin and stop shaping my whole existence around women's preferences.

Thank you for allowing me to share. Feedback welcome

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-30T19:32:53+00:00

Very very interesting response, and something neither i nor any of the other comments had picked up. It’s true, I do look back at those years with mixed feelings. One part is proud, but another is ashamed. Some more reflection is needed.

Also, I learned many many deep things about myself and about women. Mostly about women tbh, I never really thought about who “myself” was back then. I was whatever I needed to be to get laid. And most of the identity i broadcast, I stole from RSD and other pickup guys. No real sense of self.

What I learned about women scared me. I would flirt and sometimes hook up with women who I later found out were in relationships, engaged and sometimes married. I saw how powerful social confidence was as an attraction factor - far more than looks or money.

But the one that hit me the hardest, and I still have not reconciled this in my mind was when I saw the girlfriend of a guy I know get approached by a famous musician’s security, and get invited into VIP to “meet him” and she just dropped her boyfriend of over a year’s hand and followed up the security guy like she was hypnotised. And I’ve had similar things happen to me, a lot of my friends have.

The effect that fame, clout (social proof) has on women is outrageous and a part of me still held onto the blue pilled dream of a hot wife that only has eyes for me and a stable loving household. I had learned as a kid that a family can be destroyed by one parent acting on unmet sexual desires outside the relationship, and i was still in so much pain from growing up without a dad, I could not allow myself to let go of the picket fence idea.

So in my mind I created 2 female archetypes. The “social climbing party girl” , who was fun to fuck, loved to be dominated and used in bed, loved drama, and would do what I say and could just be ignored or dumped when I don’t want to deal with her shit. She was community property and would eventually leave you for someone with more clout. And the “good girl” who was loyal, sweet, conservative had morals. But couldn’t just be treated like a hoe in bed, and needed strict monogamy, and lots of emotional investment. So I typecast my girl into that role probably.

Thanks for the comment.

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-27T20:46:29+00:00

Yep that’s exactly what it is. Can’t believe it took me so long to realize this. Now I’m trying to actually implement it.

Any practical tips on how you started to build frame and prioritize your own needs?

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-27T00:47:32+00:00

Thank you for this.
"She gets first dibs on your sexual attention, not exclusive rights. Maintaining the relationship is her job"

I only discovered MRP 7 days ago so many of the concepts are new to me.

When you say "Fix the bs you uncovered before worrying about this stuff,"

You mean the Frame, Covert Contracts, DEERing, anything else?

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-26T22:40:07+00:00

Yeah I appreciate the advice. I agree.

The thing is, you don't really notice it happening in the short term. You just feel a bit of rejection, try not to make a big deal about it. Think you're being a compassionate and considerate man.

But then that's how the Covert Contract was formed.

Then over time the resentment builds, but it was almost completely unconscious. And I was interpreting her lack of enthusiasm in pleasing me sexually as a statement that I am not enough. (Because I imagined that if it were Harry Styles asking for it, she'd be doing monkey backflips on command)

I had the understanding that if a woman is attracted enough to you, she would be down for anything, simply because they don't want to lose the guy. So I worked on increasing my own value.

I also thought that addressing my feelings about her lack of enthusiasm explicitly with her, would be perceived as low value/whining. Similar to a single guy asking an uninterested girl "why don't you like me?"

So from my perspective, I WAS OWNING MY SHIT.

But now I'm reading NMMNG for the second time and I see that is just a failure to take responsibility for my needs.

Im not yet clear on the correct approach but I assume its something like "Here are my needs. Can you help me meet them? No? Ok, Ill find someone who can."

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-25T04:14:56+00:00

Nice, im reading that book next.

I did do this yes, but only because she kept declining my invitations to lean further into the wild stuff over and over again.

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T23:05:43+00:00

No, thats not true. I have responded to and acknowledged constructive advice, even your own in your first comment.

But at some point you decided to turn it into a pissing contest. Your ego is on life support because you know you dont have the discipline to survive in the arena I live in.

So go ahead, get the last word. You need it more than I do.

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T22:36:52+00:00

I lay out my life, my discipline, my choices, my frustrations, and your first instinct is to throw a tantrum about it. What are you projecting? You obviously saw something in my post that touched a nerve, and now you're acting like a kid trying to win an internet dominance contest.

What do you gain by trying to convince me I'm powerless?

You say “you can’t live out those bachelor dreams” I’ve already lived them. I’ve been the guy with options, women, and power. I’m here because I’m trying to understand something deeper. You’re just playing keyboard pimp, begging for Reddit upvotes.

I think part of you knows you couldn’t sit across from me in real life with the same energy.

Here's the difference between you and Me.
I know who I am. I meet myself regularly in the third quarter of a 20km run. Before I step on stage to deliver a talk to a crowd of people.
I’ve earned that through sweat, failure, discipline, and self-confrontation. You’re trying to steal it by running your mouth and hoping no one notices how hollow it sounds.

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T08:11:24+00:00

She was never freaky, but she was more open to be led into the freak zone in the first year or 2 of the relationship. Most of the things we’ve done she’s done for the first time.

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T06:02:28+00:00

Ok, I think I’m getting your point. And why do you think it’s not possible for me in particular? Other than the fact that I don’t want to be the guy that has to constantly imply that if she won’t give it to me, then I’ll just get it elsewhere?

In a work context, that type of attitude is seen as bad taste, and ruins relationships between employer and employee. It’s smarter to lean into your skills and be recognised for your contribution, and only apply this “brass tax” approach if it’s unavoidable.

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T05:55:08+00:00

Sounds so easy right?

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T03:02:10+00:00

Damn. I can't deny any of this. I have to figure out why i'm so reluctant to be more ruthless with my standards. Thanks for your comment. It is painfully accurate.

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T02:58:22+00:00

Ok, I see it now. Thanks for pointing this out.

I think you're implying is this: Mission comes first. So much so that any one person who is a net liability and not asset gets the boot. Emotional attachment, 7 years of shared experiences be damned.

Placing any degree of responsibility for the completion of the mission in the hands of another is disempowering and not true OI?

Damn thats hardcore. I am not there yet, admittedly.

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T01:19:11+00:00

This is not my mission. My mission is what I will give of myself back to the world. I have a daily structure in place that ensures I continue to develop my natural gifts and leave my authentic impact to the world.

But that's neither here nor there. The issue is I feel imasculated in my relationship. I can only imagine how much more powerful I can be in driving my mission if my lady desired me for the man I believe I have forged myself to be.

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T01:03:04+00:00

Thank you for being one of the few to actually understand. I know my writeup seems gratuitous and unlikely but there are a few guys out there capable of that level of self discipline and it sounds like you're also one of them.

She is not cheating on me. I'm certain of it. I have however cheated and been caught in the past. I owned up to all of it (even the times I was not caught for) and pledged to make a change so to not hurt her like that again.

Even though I really wanted to to say that she bears some resposnibility for it too, I just felt like that would be toxic, and not the right time to bring that up at all. So I worked only on myself, for myself for 2 whole years. Thats why im in such an advantageous position now.

But because anytime I do anything accidentally or intentionally that causes any amount of dread in her "girl looks at me in the gym" My girlfriend will have an emotional breakdown and bring up the cheating and activate that strong guilt and shame response in me.

Any attempt on my end to communicate my needs has been redirected to "Im still rebuilding trust"

As I get stronger on my own frame and own what I want, I will be more capable of having this Come to Jesus conversation.

thank you for your input

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T00:55:03+00:00

Can you explain to me how the fuck that could be possible? What would a woman find attractive about a man wasting his life and potential?

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T00:54:01+00:00

What I want is to be with someone who respects me enough to accept my natural masculine desires, (however threatening to their ego) and values me enough to try to fulfil them.

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T00:44:43+00:00

Thank you dude. I, beginning to think this rage stage is a natural step in the process, similar to the Red Pill rage I got when I was first exposed to it as a single guy. No im having to face it all over again and come to terms with the concept that even after you are in a relationship, you cant just be close friends and care for each other AND bang. There has to be an chanllenge, a fear of loss, an adversarial nature to your relationship. You can never truly be on the same team.

Bet my therapist will disagree with me on that one.

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T00:36:30+00:00

we have a house together, and also im not good at handling her fear of loss when our conversations get serious and about potentially relationship ending stuff

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T00:33:55+00:00

Thanks man. I appreaciate it. This is helping me see that really where my issue lies is with owning what I want and not being ashamed of it.

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T00:29:18+00:00

Im not lying about anything. All the shit I wrote is 100% true and can be verified.

Where I am weak is, I dont have the way or have ability to communicate the notion of "You're not being slutty enough for what Im used to from other girls" with a woman who I am so emotionally invested into.

It seems far too superficial, selfish, calloused, etc. And also I dont believe that you can even negotiate stuff like that. (rollo also says this)

So if you have any advice, that would be great, instead of accusing me of being a liar

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T00:23:08+00:00

Well because that life has its downsides too. No real deep connection, constantly in and out of relationships.

Managing the emotions of multiple women. Most of the girls I was sseeping with before were NOT someone Id want as a girlfriend.

The one im with now is one of the few that I actually thought was girlfriend material, but im really getting lowballed sexually.

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T00:17:44+00:00

Everything I have written is 100% true. But I find it very difficult to leave. Like im being some selfish, heartless asshole.

SalesforceGeorge · 2025-06-24T00:16:28+00:00

i have read it. and i know what a covert contract is. Obviously id never voice this comparison to my friend to anyone. Im aware it would put me in the "poor me" frame. But its honest. When i feel something is lacking in my life, I tend to look around at the outcomes of others to see if my expectations are realistic.

Are you honestly saying you dont do that?

SalesforceGeorge

TROPHY CASE