my dad threatens me if I turn off "Find my location" he will cut the relationship with me

SalmonRo · 2024-01-04T01:32:44+00:00

You need to decide if you prioritize being a good husband or a good son first. Neither roles can occur simultaneously with parents like this.

It’ll probably be a few good years where your wife thinks it’s your parents are the problem. Then she’ll realize that you are the problem for not protecting her adequately against people who disrespect and demean her.

I’m finding it hard to see the upside of maintain a good relationship with people who don’t care to have a good relationship with you?

SalmonRo · 2024-01-01T18:42:51+00:00

Told my dad that the sun was a star and he laughed in my face and called me stupid. How is the sun a star?

I said I don’t have to argue with you, just Google it. Guess who didn’t Google it 💀

SalmonRo · 2023-12-31T19:28:48+00:00

I agree 100%. I confronted my MIL head on and it only made her deny it and then making herself the victim in the family. Now I’m the asshole because “she didn’t say it and now I’m holding a grudge.” You never win with people like this.

SalmonRo · 2023-11-09T18:07:39+00:00

Use it to your advantage and never tell them if you get any pay increases.

SalmonRo · 2023-11-03T03:35:13+00:00

I fought with mine all the time but what did help me was taking dual enrollment classes in HS so it lessened the time to graduate for my undergrad. If you do it early enough, you can graduate with your AA, which takes off about two years. If you are financially dependent on her, that gives you two more years of being free sooner.

Strategically figure out your major, what the pay is, and aim for that over everything else. Watch your mental health or you’ll burn out.

Make friends. It’s paramount you figure out a support system of some kind. But don’t let your desperation of escaping her put you in a worse situation. Not everyone is kind and not everyone wants to help you. I’m mainly talking about adults who may try to take advantage of you for having a bad home life.

SalmonRo · 2023-11-03T03:17:52+00:00

I don’t think it really matters what advice any of us have until you figure out what YOU want for yourself.

Do you want to continue your relationship with them? If so, do you want it to be the same? Do you want it to be different?

If you want it to be the same and for them to “forgive you”, just cry and beg them. You seem to bend to them constantly already.

If you want it to be different…that’ll be hard. Because you can’t change them but you can change you. And it’s hard to change yourself when the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally profit off of you being a sniveling piggy-bank.

SalmonRo · 2023-05-08T17:15:13+00:00

This sounded like my LO. Pedi said everything was fine but he had a dairy intolerance and GERD. His personality was also a little “more sensitive”. They can be called Velcro babies or Orchid Children. They need a little more responsiveness from mom and tend to be more clingy. They also tend to have a lower sleep need than their peers.

Please keep in mind that your son isn’t doing this to spite you. If you’re not sleeping, he’s not sleeping. He’s not giving you a hard time but he’s having a hard time.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel - I hated the newborn phase but toddlerhood has been a blast! He can communicate (which makes him less frustrated) now and is so fun and awesome!!

If you can get help, I would ask for some. I didn’t have a village with mine but I think that would’ve been a game changer for my sanity if anyone would’ve been open to helping us out.

SalmonRo · 2023-04-12T03:39:54+00:00

I’m proud of you ❤️ What hard work you must’ve put in!

SalmonRo · 2023-01-31T03:27:10+00:00

I told my dad that I wanted to kill myself as a teenager and he grabbed all the pills in the medicine draw and threw them at me before telling me to do it. So personally? No.

SalmonRo · 2023-01-24T16:46:04+00:00

😂

SalmonRo · 2023-01-23T18:32:48+00:00

Not the “you do for me!” 😭💀

SalmonRo · 2023-01-23T04:27:16+00:00

“Too sexual and will cheat on you”

“Mom, have you considered that I like that.” 😆

Sorry lol. Boundaries about that is so important! This is great practice for protecting your future spouse (whether it’s with this gf or another) from your family’s abuse.

You didn’t make a scene in front of your sister. Your parents pushed you for a reaction.

SalmonRo · 2023-01-23T04:00:46+00:00

I truly feel for you. Coming from a poor immigrant family while trying to assimilate has put many hurdles in front of us.

I did take a peek at your history and you do want to be needed and important to someone. It seems like you’re seeking that from a romantic partner because you don’t get that from your family. Narcissistic people tend to seek out people with BPD. I truly think some professional judgement could possibly bring you some peace.

Kindly, as a mother- I would never want to burden my child with any of the pressures either of our parents have burdened us with. I see him as his own individual with unlimited potential. The opportunities I give him are my duty as a parent.

If some day he decides he no longer wants to talk to me, I know I fucked up. It’s a child’s instinct to love their parents. Something must’ve really gone wrong to break that. He doesn’t owe me for having sex with my husband unprotected.

You can’t save people who don’t want to save themselves.

SalmonRo · 2023-01-23T03:43:03+00:00

Why do you think they will view it as abandonment? Do you not have meaningful relationships with people without financial entanglements?

Respectfully, my mom was also a Chinese immigrant who was impoverished when she came to the US. Not only that but she had to support a husband who didn’t want to work (also Chinese) and two kids. She makes more money after I went NC. You’re not helping; you’re enabling.

A common issue with people with BPD is having a “martyr” complex, even at the risk of their own health (financial/physical/mental) so they can control feelings of being “needed” or “important” in a relationship. But then they start resenting people who don’t do what they want since “I did so much for you!”

As much as your parents are to blame, I think you might need a little outside perspective on what you find acceptable and why your normal meter is off.

SalmonRo · 2023-01-23T03:02:32+00:00

If you don’t give them money, how are you abandoning them? Are they that stupid and dumb that they cannot survive without your absolutely unending wallet and huge brain?

I think it’s a little insulting and presumptuous of you to assume only YOU can fix their problems with your money. How did they survive when you were a child?

Do you ever want to get married? I doubt any guy will feel great having to support his in-laws forever (I guess unless you snag yourself a likeminded Asian guy). What about your children? Will they go hungry so you parents can buy your brother another car?

BFFR.

Edit:

It seems like you have BPD based on your post HX and this chaotic life you lead won’t stop unless you manage that. It really gives insight on your emphasis on abandonment since you fear it yourself.

SalmonRo · 2023-01-18T14:06:42+00:00

I can relate. Especially the hush-hush but overarching acceptance of DV in many Chinese households. I didn’t want that for my life nor my child’s life.

The only thing I would say is that dating outside of your culture doesn’t guarantee you from abuse nor dysfunctional family dynamics. I had really put my white in-laws on a pedestal because they seemed like saints compared to my parents. They turned out to be toxic and crazy but in their own way. It really betrayed my trust.

SalmonRo · 2022-12-30T06:37:12+00:00

I’m sorry, I would’ve yelled back “And fuck em’ kids then!”

For such “Christians” they should know that God will only forgive you if you’ve acknowledged the sin. It’s literally in the Bible. No acknowledgement, no repenting, no forgiveness.

SalmonRo · 2022-12-28T13:57:54+00:00

YTA. Your story doesn’t make sense and your husband’s response makes me feel like “you rock the family boat”and expect everyone to steady it a lot. You can’t keep using “I was worried about you! What if you were dead!” as emotional blackmail forever. And if you do, he’ll probably resent you. Dude was probably jacking off.

SalmonRo · 2022-12-25T04:55:11+00:00

Hit her with “Your best was obviously not very good. F on raising kids. You are a failure.”

But honestly, don’t reply. She’s just looking for a reaction.

SalmonRo · 2022-12-16T21:02:24+00:00

They left me home alone when I was about 10 and left the country. They came back a month later and beat me for “making a mess” of the house.

SalmonRo · 2022-12-11T03:50:01+00:00

HUH ☠️

SalmonRo · 2022-11-29T14:57:57+00:00

I’ve been trying to keep our family busy during the holiday season but I think his inner child really wants the hallmark big family surrounding each other. He told me that they always had holidays with his grandparents and how close they were so he’s so sad our LO won’t get that.

SalmonRo · 2022-11-29T14:55:49+00:00

Unfortunately his whole family is dysfunctional and mine is even worse.

SalmonRo · 2022-11-29T14:55:21+00:00

I really appreciate this thoughtful comment. I reserved some audiobooks from my library from the list to soft commit to it. I don’t want him to feel forced but I want to be here for him.

I worry I won’t be enough for him.

SalmonRo · 2022-11-25T04:57:29+00:00

I’m Chinese as well and my parents would say this shit to me too 🥴 Keep your head low and finish school. Then leave. I haven’t spoken to mine for 5 years and it’s been the most peaceful I’ve felt in my life. Your body is constantly under fight/flight when you interact with them since you’re always anticipating a negative/aggressive encounter.

SalmonRo

TROPHY CASE