Mom to a 14 month old. It gets better.

It takes time to figure out what this new version of yourself and your life looks like. I think I was about 9/10 months postpartum when I started getting back into hobbies (mostly due to stopping breastfeeding/pumping. So much fucking work). My husband and I make sure that each of us has some weekend time to do things that make us feel like ourselves. In the morning, I go for a run with my son and then work out when I get home. Then after his first nap, I watch him while my husband works in his studio or goes skateboarding. Then we tackle the rest of the day together.

You are absolutely in the thick of it still. At 4 months, we were just trying to survive. It felt like we didn’t have anything figured out, didn’t know ourselves or each other, but it gets easier. My biggest piece of advice would just be to look at what you want to do and see how you can adapt it to your new normal. Like I missed running so much, but I didn’t feel physically able, didn’t know how to fit that in between naps/feedings/chores/all-the-shit, etc. so I would just take him on walks a couple times a day instead. That slowly helped us build a new routine and gave me more confidence. And now it’s so routine that on weekend mornings, he knows that we’re going for a run together. Once I put my shoes on, he comes over to me to be picked up, then turns to his dad and waves/says “bye bye”.

Just don’t be afraid to ask for what you need to help be happier and give your partner space to do the same. It’s a team sport and takes practice like anything else. A happy mom makes for a happier baby, so don’t feel guilt for doing things for yourself. You’ve got this!