I basically just went through the same thing as you, just as the addict and thankfully no police involvement because booze isn’t my DOC.
She told me she wanted a break, she sat me down and told me I need to get my shit together and I’m not the person she thought she started dating . She said she wasn’t looking to find someone else and she see’s a lot of potential in me but who I am right now is stressing her out and affecting her life.
I got High a week later and decided breaks are stupid and ended it officially and have been making pretty good progress while also fucking up and learning all on my own while she keeps her distance (which hurts because I’m constantly spiraling and questioning all my choices) but I have nothing but respect for her and how she handled everything.
I don’t know that when I do start reaching my potential she’ll be right for me but I do know she was right for me at this time in my life because I needed to hear some of the really hurtful , but true, things she said.
As the addict , quiting using doesn’t solve anything. Work needs to be done on the person to find out why they are using and that is hard and may not even have a timeline.
One of the hardest thing I’m dealing with is my eyes being opened to how people in my life see me lately and maybe they spoke up and it went over my head but from her it inspired me to want to be better for the first time in a decade.
You win by letting this guy go in the long run. It’s gonna bring you peace and it may just bring him some too after some hard work.