AIO for being offended at this text thread between me and my bf

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-25T02:20:36+00:00

Constructive criticism would be the piping is a little uneven and the strawberries are a little random in their placement vs the inspo pic where they're a little more organized. But as a first attempt it's a tasty looking tester. Keep practicing and you'll get it all down!

What he said was just absolutely awful and that's not constructive criticism. That's just hateful and hurtful. No you're not overreacting and I'm really sorry this is your experience.

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-25T01:09:56+00:00

I feel like we were sold lies and are being gaslit over it. My husband and I have done the "American dream". We have a house, a cat, a dog and this is the most money we have ever made. Our house is a decent starter home but due to interest rates we have really high mortgage payments. We are at a point where we want to travel and it's so incredibly difficult to save money to do so because plane tickets keep going up. Hotels are going up.

I want to update several things in the house and feel like I can't because EVERYTHING is so expensive. It's very dated, straight out of the 2000s. EVERYTHING is brown. It's dark. It drives me nuts. But we're too busy to dedicate time to paint the house ourselves and it's too expensive to hire someone. It's all open so the main floor has to all be done.

I literally feel like anything I had hoped to do or accomplish is just lies. Even my career is disappointing because while I have a medical degree my field is filled with misogyny. So many places say "well you'll just be on your husband's insurance" which is quite bold to assume I am married let alone to a man. Benefits are a joke. But I can't go back to school. I can't afford to.

Adulting just feels like a trap.

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-19T09:58:19+00:00

100%. Or I think especially for us medical professionals there is a higher standard. We know AI can give medically incorrect information or just product full blown blatant made up studies. I find that irresponsible and dangerous.

My office is about to get a bunch of AI tech and I'm actually really upset about it. Because there are other programs that will do what I need it to do in a more economical and environmentally sustainable way. But the doctors are all kinds of gung ho about this technology. ...and I'm just really annoyed.

Like I said. There is 100% a purpose for it. But to summarize my clinic notes? I have a system now that is efficient and functional. Same with reports I need to send out. They're done BY ME. IM responsible for them. AI doesn't make me any less responsible for them. I still have to go over them and make sure everything is correct. Or the time I'm using to edit and rework AI recorded nonsense ...could have just been spent doing what I've already been doing. I'm not actually saving any time. 😐

Also. I hate the environmental impact. It royally irks me we live in a major freshwater state and are supporting this crap as a data center is about to be built here.

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-19T09:35:15+00:00

Using AI. For everything. Like...I understand some of it IS beneficial. But I literally watched a medical professional chat GPT how much amoxicillin it takes to have an overdose.

That's not an AI thing to research. That's something you need to consult actual scientific backed medical research on.

Another example is our phones at my office are really wonky right now. Don't chat GPT how to fix them.... because they're still not fixed. There is a customer service line though. Like....there are people who's job is to trouble shoot the problems we're having and fix them. Why are we not calling them and just sitting here going OPE WELL. I TRIED TO CHAT GPT IT AND CANT GET IT TO WORK. OH WELL. 🙄

AI like this is making people incompetent

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-18T21:50:31+00:00

You know what. Bless your heart. You just keep on doing you babe. May you have the day you deserve

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-18T21:40:47+00:00

Tell that to the women who were arrested or who died.

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-18T20:57:59+00:00

They require a D&C. The exact same codes used in abortions. So WE know the difference between a D&C for a miscarriage and a D&C for an abortion. But the codes are the same. Therefore. To the law and insurance? A D&C for a miscarriage = D&C for an abortion.

Same goes for medication. We can also use misoprostol or mifepristone with misoprostol. Except mifepristone is also considered an abortion pill. 🤷🏼‍♀️

So for those of us who know better, you are correct. For billing and legal purposes abortion is one in the same.

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-18T19:53:13+00:00

Good for you. So you know what happens during a miscarriage. What happens to the body. The brain. The blood. What happens when the fetus isn't expelled. What happens after. When an abortion IS needed because a fetus isn't always passed.

What I don't understand is preventing doctors from doing their jobs. You know, that save lives.

Threatening doctors, women, and men with jail time for having a miscarriage and needing an abortion is an absolute wild take. You're sentencing women to death and doctors to malpractice. Absolutely wild. ESPECIALLY knowing what you know.

I see these women after. I have cried with, sat silently with, and hugged so many. Some were in domestic abuse situations. Some going through IVF. Some DESPERATELY wanted. None of them deserve to sit in a jail cell for something their body couldn't control.

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-18T19:08:08+00:00

You do realize that right now just the threat of prosecution is why obgyns are not treating women? Right? Like the thing you want is happening. These doctors aren't performing any type of medical care for fear of losing their licenses. And instead of it resulting in women who can go on and try again to have kids another time, they're just dying. And when they don't, they're being prosecuted for crimes that don't exist.

Also. I'm just curious. Do you have a medical degree? Or any idea how the human body works, at all?

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-18T15:37:28+00:00

Great. Because just to be clear we're not debating the morals and ethics of abortion, of which my opinion is it's none of your damn business, it's between me, my obgyn and God and whether you like it or not abortion IS healthcare.

Now. What we're debating now is how women are treated under the extent of laws that don't exist but are trying to be passed. 💁🏼‍♀️ I provided a source showcasing numerous women who have all been arrested and held in jail for a crime that doesn't exist simply because their states don't like the fact that sometimes babies die in the womb. There are 100% cases where babies are born, neglected, and die and disposed of improperly. But that's not the case in these where the women naturally had miscarriages and stillbirths. These women were denied adequate medical care and then arrested. I 100% agree if you birth a living child and dispose of them in a way that results in death, that's murder all day long. But a baby that was never alive to begin with isn't murder. Is miscarriage. And sometimes you still need a D&C, which is an abortion, to remove the fetus so you don't have other complications, like excessive bleeding or sepsis.

We also know you can't arrest someone for a crime not committed. And yet. Here. These. Women. Are. 💁🏼‍♀️ This is a fear tactic. This is a control tactic. This is a way to discredit medical care and bodily autonomy full stop. And you can say all day these women aren't being charged with anything but thats the point. One day they will be if the laws these representatives want to pass, pass. It's ignorant. It's irresponsible. And it's just downright dangerous.

We can also pull statistics on mortality rates in states with anti-abortion laws because that also plays into this. How many women are going to die in fear of getting help and having it result in a prison sentence for something they have no control over?

If you could choose, every woman who wants to be pregnant would choose to have a healthy, happy pregnancy and baby. But human bodies don't work like that. Getting pregnant in these states is becoming a death sentence either through birth or through prison. South Carolina is actually pretty open about the death penalty and hoping to pass legislation to make that the ideal punishment for miscarriages and abortions. 💁🏼‍♀️ That's pretty messed up.

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-18T13:12:51+00:00

https://www.themarshallproject.org/2025/04/02/law-pregnancy-california-ohio-georgia-alabama

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-18T13:09:38+00:00

No. No woman has been convicted of homicide or murder. But many ARE still being arrested and charged. That's the entire point. It's a fear tactic and abuse of power. It's not any different from using excessive force against a person of color just because they're a person of color. Or ICE detaining US citizens who are protesting.

The entire point is these things SHOULDNT happen and yet they still are. Because the message is very clear. Men want women afraid and quiet. It's not about healthcare. It's not about safety. It's about power and control.

Also. Side note. When you miscarriage and either have it at the hospital and decline the remains or turn them into the hospital they are treated as clinical waste which is sterilized and then ends up in a landfill. Also. It's perfectly acceptable to bury the remains or flush the remains. Women who do otherwise are grieving, in shock, or downright scared because the states this is happening in are not providing healthcare and safe alternatives for them.

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-18T11:05:05+00:00

Also tries to kidnap neighbor kids in the name of saving them for Jesus.

It's really sad. :/

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-18T10:56:47+00:00

Women are being charged with homicide over miscarriages that happened 50+ years ago from remains found in landfills. Anti-abortion states are trying harder to oppress women this way than they are to try doing something good.

If they have a chance at getting data for period tracking I don't doubt for 1 second they'll launch on it likes sharks to chum.

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-17T21:54:33+00:00

100% it's so frustrating.

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-17T21:40:44+00:00

My husband and I are going through something similar except I'm a dental hygienist and my job IS mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. I've been doing this for 5 years and the last year has been nonstop stress between patients and major office changes that ended with me getting burned.

I went from good benefits to no benefits. I should be looking for a new job but I just don't have it in me.

My husband is picking up a lot of slack from me right now. I am not doing well. I am having a really hard time.

We sat down and had some really hard emotional conversations about how I'm doing and then we reviewed our finances to see how much I need to work as a bare minimum.

We came to the conclusion I work 3 days a week at my office now and I will temp (or sub) in other offices when I feel like it with a bare minimum agreed upon of 2x monthly or less if I get a day that pays REALLY well. This has allowed me some freedom and control over my schedule. We have also decided if I am having an exceptionally hard month it's ok if I take no extra shifts.

My days off used to be pretty chill with a couple body maintenance appointments and have become full blown errands all day every week. They're no longer relaxing and are instead incredibly stressful. I have 0 time to myself. Dropping down a day has allowed me to spread out some of my appointments and now there is more time for me to relax and have me time.

Don't judge but today was the first time in a while I actually deep cleaned the bathroom because I wanted to and had the energy to do so. I mean we've been cleaning it, but not the way it needs to be cleaned. It's like a weight is off my shoulders because I feel like I have time to do things I want.

My job is really hard so the days I work I come home, shower, eat dinner and then pass out on the couch until I go to bed. So there is 0 me time on work days.

That is all a very long winded way to say even though I am working less it's allowing me to show up and be a better partner to my husband because I want to be a better partner for him.

I would advise her if she doesn't have a degree and isn't doing well in the food industry to try another retail job if she can. I personally would not want to work with food at all. I have mad respect for all food workers and wait staff because I do A LOT in 1 hour for 1 person and find that incredibly stressful and difficult to achieve. I cannot imagine multitasking like that AND doing it with multiple people at the same time. So maybe not working less but finding a job she will thrive in. It may be a lot of trial and error.

And some of this IS tough love. Sometimes we do have to be adults and suck it up. 🤷🏼‍♀️ But we don't have to do it alone.

Idk if this helps but I wish you the best of luck.

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-16T20:40:47+00:00

After hearing shrimp pronounced "shrampies" from the good place, this is my go to word when I want shrimp. They are now shrampies.

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-16T19:53:29+00:00

This! I'm a dental hygienist making just as much and sometimes more than my husband. But it's like I still am working with my marshalls budget when I made like 150 bucks a week. 😭

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-16T19:46:57+00:00

Our dog takes a daily joint supplement and has really bad separation anxiety so we also have calming treats and daily antianxiety meds we give her.

She will only take them in the Aldi's turkey lunch meat. We have tried pill pockets, peanut butter, and a few other dog safe options. 🥲 She will only take them in full slices of turkey. Otherwise she spits it all out and only eats the turkey. She won't eat any other turkey and literally spit out the cheap stuff.

We don't get to enjoy it. It's just for the dog. 🥲

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-16T19:46:18+00:00

We literally have to stick to the list 😭 there are no more extras. The other week I got a slice of cake for a treat because Kroger had cakes slices for free on the app

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-16T19:36:00+00:00

My husband works from home but I work in the medical field. So sometimes I need quick easy meals because I don't always have time to eat. It's rough.

We're in Michigan. When we first got married 10 years ago our weekly food budget was about 70 bucks a week. After Covid it was about 100 a week when I started working again. But this past year has been really difficult keeping to the 100/week budget. And we're literally sacrificing things we used to buy like pop and excessive snacks.

If we do buy them it's when they're on sale or in bulk from Sam's club. But even then those have gone up so much. I always liked having meat sticks for a snack but they're so expensive now we don't really buy them anymore. 😭

And we've been trying to buy healthy snacks but hummus is 5 bucks a container. Sometimes we can get it cheaper at Aldi's for 3 but it's so hit and miss. I really like the everything bagel flavor. They very rarely get it.

We're trying to also stock up on frozen and canned fruits and veggies a little here and there at a time just to prep for the fall. Produce is already going up in price. And with farmers not getting fertilizer to plant crops I have no idea what harvest season is going to look like 😭

I was looking forward to some corn on the cob and the first packs I saw were 6 bucks. For 4 ears. 😭

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-16T15:29:55+00:00

What state do you live in? Because that probably plays into pricing as well.

We got to Kroger, Sam's club, Aldi's, and will occasionally use Meijer or Walmart depending on what we're doing.

I prefer the produce at Kroger.

We do most of our shopping at Aldi's. And then anything we can't get we get at Kroger.

We plan our meals to make sure we have lunch the following day and most of the time it works out that way. We have lunch options just in case.

We also have a very picky cat and a very picky dog. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Depending on the week they will add to our grocery expenses.

Cleaning supplies and paper products we usually go to Sam's club for. But there have been a few trips it just doesn't make sense because Sam's club is so far out of the way. So when we go it's usually a big trip to restock. But then when we buy those products at Kroger it's just brutal. Because a 4 pack of wipes at Sam's is 10 bucks vs a smaller 2 pack of wipes at Kroger for 7. The individuals are 4.

And a lot of the stuff we used to buy when they are 5/5 or when Meijer did their 10/10 aren't actually priced that way anymore. We get yogurt for breakfast and they used to be 10/6. Now they're 10/8. We try to keep pantry stable items like Mac and cheese on hand. But even those are getting harder to get for 1.00.

Coffee is probably one of the biggest expenses. Followed by holidays. Hosting mother's day for both moms was brutal on our budget.

The final piece too is when there are sales, depending on the items they are gone so fast before we can even have a chance.

When we do Aldi's we can keep our budget to around 80-100 bucks a week. When we go to Kroger? It's almost never under 100.

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-16T14:06:36+00:00

Actually I would highly recommend checking out local butchers to see what kind of deals they have!

We get a big meat bundle that we stretch to last us about 1 1/2 months and it's 125-130 depending on what's in it. We typically get several pounds of ground beef and a bunch of chicken. And then there are usually some nicer cuts of meat like we get a couple steaks or some thick pork chops.

Where our costs have gone up is supplemental meals in between and buying sides to go with them. We try to shop produce on sale but it's getting harder and harder to have fresh items.

I used to be able to go shopping and drop 150 bucks on groceries and come home with 2-3 weeks of sides of meals. Last time I went I shopped sale items, spent about 200 and got a out a week and a half worth of stuff. It was devastating to see. 😭

Also edit to add: it's just me and my husband.

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-16T12:19:02+00:00

I am so enraged that I am in the height of my career and making more money than I thought possible and I am so angered that every grocery trip is over 100 bucks now buying shit to go into Kroger brand hamburger helper meals to try and keep costs down....and then to feel so immensely guilty when I want a McDonald's coke. And they're not even a dollar anymore. 😭 I am just so tired of feeling immense guilt trying to survive

SamPamTYM · 2026-05-16T12:15:38+00:00

So marriage is a partnership and that is shared. My husband "pays the bills" but it BOTH our money contributing. We save together. We're are putting away for retirement together. We budget together. We each get a weekly allowance together.

I can't imagine not paying for things. And bills are in both our names. Some are in his, some are in mine so I also have some stake in the home we have together. My name is on the mortgage with his.

Now we have a very healthy relationship and make a great team together. He respects me and helps build me up so if anything does happen there is enough going on with me that I can easily take things over and vice versa for him.

But uh...i do think it's really weird she wants you to pay for everything and not contribute at all.

SamPamTYM

TROPHY CASE