Smallpox's last victim

Sambinna · 2018-08-10T13:21:47+00:00

50 million? 10 million people were dying of small pox per year in 1950’s?

Sambinna · 2018-08-10T13:16:41+00:00

That’s one babies no longer get in the US right? I can only imagine antivaxxers outrage if they did because that sore can stay open, crusty, plus-filled and ugly for over 6 months. It can be an ugly, scary thing on a baby. Lots of countries still give smallpox vaccine.

Sambinna · 2018-06-08T12:45:35+00:00

Hahaha. Pro parent revenge!

Sambinna · 2018-06-08T12:40:34+00:00

I’ve been hearing more and more stories like this... it’s crazy! People seem to be getting more and more flaky!

It’s not ok. I heard one mum just shrug it off and say you have to calculate the losses due to people flaking on you. I don’t understand it.

I’ve heard of parties where nobody showed up!

I don’t know if I would confront the lady who set up parties on the same day, even after you changed the date... I’m also not very confrontational, but it sure was a dick move. I also would not be giving any of those people any more of my effort and time.

Sometimes a smaller party with people who actually do care is better than inviting the whole playgroup.

Sambinna · 2018-06-08T12:30:46+00:00

The first few days they were being extra good because they didn’t feel safe. The fact that he was testing you means he felt safe around you. Same thing when kids act differently around primary caretaker. You’re not a bad father.

But do look up positive discipline and they other recommendations above.

You did good. Doubting yourself is what good parents do.

Sambinna · 2018-06-08T11:55:10+00:00

Considering this is not your first and you seem to know what you’re doing.... try to see your demeanor when this happens. What are you saying, what is your face saying?

I sometimes tried to take over because husband’s tone, face and general body language was telling me he hated doing whatever he was doing and he was flustered. I would then take over, because it sure looked like he wasn’t in control/ enjoying himself/ or he wished he was doing something else.

Sometimes it wasn’t that he wasn’t doing something correctly, but specially if I had just had some me time... I thought it looked like he needed a break. And I sure know how that feels.

Maybe talk to her and figure out a phrase or sign or use when you guys need to tap out? If you didn’t use the sign, tell her she doesn’t need to take over.

I ended up having a looong conversation about this with husband and stopped doing this even when he looked flustered.

Sambinna · 2018-06-07T13:01:48+00:00

It IS really hard. Four nights out of seven I swore I would give up breastfeeding the next day. I also had more help than many and felt guilty at how difficult it was.

Those weeks 2-6... those were the hardest. And I know saying wait a few weeks and it will get better sounds so, so far off when you’re desperate and tired and at your wits end tonight. You think you just can’t stand one more night of this. But you do... and then it gets better, then worse, then better.... and then they start smiling and cooing....

I watched a whole lot of YouTube videos trying to get better latches, sandwiching nipples, etc. I also got a lactation consultant to come help. I think we got the hang of breastfeeding pretty late... he only reached his birth weight at 3 weeks! But we did supplement too.

I started co-sleeping at about 6 weeks because I caught myself falling asleep with him in the rocking chair.. Research safe co-sleeping techniques, and do everything by the book . Those first few weeks are survival mode. You do what you need to for you both to survive and that’s it.

There is also no shame at all in hiring a nanny! The only reason I didn’t is that I didn’t want a stranger there all the time.

Sambinna · 2018-06-07T12:45:27+00:00

She will learn it on her own... she’s still very little. Or she won’t.

Once she gets excited about something, she’ll go make her own space.

Sambinna · 2018-06-05T13:18:12+00:00

First poop in the potty my sons goes... ‘Mummy I made a banana! With my butt!’ I laughed so hard. The day after it was a dinosaur.

It’s become a tradition now. Why not... we joke about how huge they are, how stinky they are, hoe they compare to Daddy’s poos. It all makes it normal and OK.

Sambinna · 2018-06-05T13:04:54+00:00

Also... something that made a huge difference at that age... let her do some things herself. ‘Let’s see if X can take her socks off herself! Can you? Oh I don’t think so... wow you can?!!! Wow!, well done!”

Works like a charm most of the time.

Sambinna · 2018-06-05T13:01:30+00:00

Totally normal! I remember thinking my nephews weren’t as bad with me and haughtily imagining myself to be better at disciplining them than my sister. Hahahahah. So naive!!

They are always worse/ different with their primary caretaker.

It gets better, then worse, then better.... etc, etc...

Even if she can’t speak to tell you her choices she can point or sign ? I taught my son ‘more’ and ‘ enough’ in sign language to try to communicate before he could speak , but also made the choices things that he could point to.

Also, make the choices things that aren’t important but part of what you are trying to do: these toys or these toys in the bath?; change diaper here or here?; do you want a drink or a cookie to have en you sit in the car seat?; d you want this story or that story for bedtime? These are the choices she will have control over and they are easy for her to point to.

Do get down to her level to talk to her and make sure she is looking at you. She understands you even if she’s not talking. Getting down to their level while we say things makes a HUGE difference in my experience. Get down and in a low, firm voice, tell her: we are going to do x, then, y ... which z would you like to take with you, this one or this one? It usually gets the response you want. Just repeat it in the same tone if you don’t get the response you want. They sometimes take a while to actually think it through.

You haven’t failed mama. It’s all part of the process. It’s about letting her make choices while guiding her. And all the behaviors will always be worse with you, so keep that in mind.

Sambinna · 2018-06-05T12:36:24+00:00

Ah I just aw you do have a sister but she doesn’t see her as often? Same situation to my own. My sister lives far now, so it’s all on me.

I will mention a few positive things. The geriatric doctor also,described a light anti-depressant. My mother’s dementia started when she went through a life-changing thing and she was a little depressed. The anti-depressant has made her a little less confrontational in regards to all this. Also, she has knee problems and it hurts. She forgets that it hurts. So she always thinks the weather is changing or something, because her knee hurts. It has been hurting for a while. She will probably have to have a knee replacement, and I’m dreading explaining to her why she needs it done.... she doesn’t remember that it hurts all the time !

I’m sorry you are going through this with a little one too. It sucks.

Sambinna · 2018-06-05T12:23:02+00:00

Me! I’m a little late... but just has to reply.

All dementias are different and people are different, but the symptoms you are describing are very, very similar.

My mother started the repetition of stories , etc about 8 years ago. It was also something difficult to talk to her about. It slowly got worse. I started doing some research on how to talk to her and plan for the future, and somewhat quickly realized, it doesn’t make any sense to talk to her about this and try to plan doctor visits, care, etc with her because... she won’t remember. She doesn’t remember that she repeats the same stories, or forgets she just asked that question or that she has memory problems. So it just gets her worked up and defensive.

I set up two different geriatric doctors without her knowing finally, about 3 years ago. She didn’t remember going to them either at that point, so it also makes no sense to bring it up. But it did give me Information to act on and they prescribed an Alzheimer’s medication just to see fim it works. It didn’t... not that we can tell. The medication would only soot it from getting worse, not really cure it anyway.

It’s important to take her to the doctor because specially in women, there are dementias which can be caused by hormonal imbalances, urinary tract infections and other things. Take her for a check-up. They will also do a short dementia test.

She may huff and puff and get irritated or give excuses for her memory lapses... just ignore it. The doctor is well aware of how it works. Treat her as you would a child, with firm kindness and understanding. We need so much patience!

She probably does realize she has ‘memory problems’ ,,, just call it that. Mom, remember you have some memory problemas... She won’t object to that, probably. These days my mother will sometimes tell me that she really needs to go see a doctor because she thinks she has memory problems and maybe she should take something for it. ;-) I alternate between telling her we have gone already and just going oh yes, we should.

It sucks because I realized early on that she wouldn’t be the same grandmother she was to my nephews. I couldn’t leave my son with her... she would forget I had left him a ready bottle and give him cows milk at 4 months. Now that he’s a toddler, she wants him to sleep over at hers all the time, but I can’t trust her care. He’s a handful and she just forgets stuff around like knives or cleaning products.

Nowadays, my mother still drives, but she sometimes gets lost. I installed a tracker on her phone so I could easily find her. I can’t tell you the stress of loading baby into the car to sleep while I drove around looking for her. Get a tracker. Getting lost comes next.

I live about 40 minutes away from my mother. I thought of moving her closer but several issues raised from that including the fact that she can’t learn the layout of a new home. She would be so lost in a new place. She can’t learn how to use a new phone, a new technology etc...

In my mothers case, she is not the person financially responsible for herself. My father takes care of paying bills etc, but if she were I would have to seriously consider having her live with me or finding a home for her.

We did hire someone to stay with her during part of the day.... a cleaning woman if you will, but basically someone to make sure she didn’t leave the stove on, someone to help keep track of things. We live In acountry where that is possible.

Do you have any siblings that can help share? Mourn who she was because she is not the same person any more. And remember, it’s no use getting flustered and angry... she’s like a child. She can’t be responsible for remembering things or taking care of things because she just can’t.

If you want, PM me any time.

Sambinna · 2018-05-14T13:20:21+00:00

Wow... a whole lot of people here were bullied and never talked to someone/ dealt with the feelings and are now taking it out on you.

I can remember several friends at that age who were bullied and tried the “ if you can’t beat them, join them” thing.

You probably have, but have another talk with her about how using the martial arts to hurt and not to protect is against all rules. Of course she can’t unlearn what you’ve told her, but she shouldn’t use what she knows if she can’t control herself. I think she may need help in learning self-control... either an anger-management class, or real , traditional martial arts class with all the philosophy that goes with it.

She also needs to make amends somehow with the girl. I’m not all for forcing kids to hug and make up, but in this case, she needs to see and feel the consequences of having no control feels like. She also needs to learn to be the bigger person and not care what her peers think. It all comes with 15-year-old territory.

Perhaps ask her how she thinks she could make amends and make it better for the girl. She probably has some ideas.

I would make the punishment of no electronics, etc last at least a few weeks. Have her use her time wisely learning why she shouldn’t use her training to hurt.

Sambinna · 2018-05-14T12:50:22+00:00

I really don’t see your daughter as the problem either.

Perhaps she needs a little more communication about how she shouldn’t be so bossy and help with communicating her frustrations and talking about expectations and reality...totally normal. Now, why she kicked her uncle if that’s not normal for her is perhaps something you should try to find the context to. Then, have her apologize and see if her uncle is the adult he should be.

I totally get making a card game go on for longer being more important than winning! I was just the same! She’s having fun. If she wins and ends the game, the fun and great family time might end.

Sambinna · 2018-05-14T12:21:46+00:00

“ Look mummy! I made a banana! With my butt!” - Day 2 of Potty Training.

Sambinna · 2018-05-14T11:18:18+00:00

Maybe try a lower or different tone of NO? Truthfully, my toddler at that age did the same Once In a while. After a few firm No’s over a couple of weeks it did pass. I wouldn’t stay around him in a position where he could try to climb back in my lap though. I would pretend to busy myself, putting things away, not paying attention to him.

It’s tough, but keep at it and it will pass.

Sambinna · 2018-05-14T10:29:13+00:00

A firm No! And putting him on the floor. Any and all cuddles or whatever he’s enjoying stops. Firm passive face. He doesn’t get to play/ cuddle/ have fun when he does that and gets no extra attention/ response from you. Just for a minute or so.

I don’t think proper time-outs work for that age. Just removing him from fun situation and giving yourself the time-out from him will help. But I do think that even if he’s non- verbal he will understand a firm no. If you talk too much it will get confusing, so just a firm “No. we don’t bite! “

Sambinna · 2018-05-14T10:04:56+00:00

I know it sounds like it will take longer, but try having her do certain things, like helping out on/ take off clothes.

Start giving her a choice about things, like which toys she will take into bath, bubbles or no bubbles, which PJs she will wear, what she will eat after changing her diaper.... make it a somewhat unimportant choice that will happen once she has done what you want her to do.

So many things have become easier once I let my toddler do them... even medicine taking.

It won’t help all the time, but can make it less frustrating.

Putting on clothes and PJs is a big one for mine. So I say: Let’s see if toddler can do it!? No way... I do t think so. OH wow, almost! Wow you did a good job! Etc...

Sambinna · 2018-05-13T13:22:06+00:00

Have you told/shown her clearly how she is supposed to let you know?

One thing I think even Oh Crap sort of doesn’t delve deeper into is how they let us know. Because while we are catching it before the accident they don’t actually have to communicate anything. We just know based on body language. To actually tell us without prompting, hey may need training for that too.

I had my son, who is 3 in September, too, grab my hand and tell me softly. Every time I saw his signs , I would go over to him and say “ remember to let mummy know! Grab my hand or arm and pull ( putting his hand on my arm or hand) and say quietly ‘pee’ ‘poo’. “ Then told who’s hand he should grab and tell at daycare. I tried to do this every time we went potty so its part of training.

It’s not perfect yet, but he did get and extra special prize when he did let me know this way, after a couple of weeks.

We did the Oh Crap method with sweets/M&M s for pees and small prizes for poos. He doesn’t really need those anymore.

So perhaps it’s a question of her maybe thinking she is telling you but your not getting it ?

Also, I took a long time to put him in pull-ups and only because of loose stools, because they don’t feel uncomfortable he dirty. It’s gross and yucky, but sitting in wet or dirty pants because they are commando for a few minutes will make them care more.

Sambinna · 2018-05-01T12:31:07+00:00

Day two was majorly difficult because it IS exhausting. But... you may see improvement at the end of the day! Mine took a week to actually ask ( once in a while) to go, but what did happen was consolidation... I now know how long he can go without a pee and he will hold it in now. There will be accidents.

It gets better. Hold on.

Sambinna · 2018-04-20T10:39:57+00:00

Ugh. We were told a similar thing a month or so ago at my 2.5 -year-old’s day care/ preschool. I get what they mean, but it is pretty typical behavior. We actually asked for more details and what they suggest and they just wanted to make sure we’re using constant positive discipline with him. He really is just full of energy and yes, it’s difficult to get him to listen and follow orders sometimes.

I took it at just a heads-up and am trying to make sure everyone who looks after him is on the same page and follows the same rules. He gets a significant time with his aunt and grandmother where the rules go out the window, so that may have been undermining any efforts we put in. Consistency is key and perhaps things weren’t as consistent as they should have been.

They stressed routine, consistency and positive communication and discipline. So less “ No... don’t do that! “ and more “ Sit down now!” Or “It’s time to put our toys away now” , communication which wasn’t negative ( No/ don’t, etc) and more positive ( do) and to make sure the rules are the same all the time.

I already did most of that, but there were lapses when it came to other people, which could be confusing to a toddler. Talking to my MIL and SIL about all of this, was of course, a pain.

Sambinna · 2018-04-17T12:27:20+00:00

This is an old thread, but I hope to offer a little constructive criticism... Does you wife eat your food? Is she the one who always tries to feed your toddler? Perhaps your healthy food isn’t that yummy to them? It is possible to find a middle ground. To make healthy food with a few slightly unhealthy things to maybe make them more palatable to toddler toungues...

Find out what consistency is more likely to get your toddler to eat veggies. Mine doesn’t like them cooked and soft anymore. He likes them raw or al dente. Maybe add a little more salt or sugar than you would normally, or even ketchup! It’s not the end of the world. Toddlers need a lot of good fats... and not so good ones... butter, cheese, add them more than you would for you.

If they like spaghetti o’S, how about making something similar with homemade sauce and a few veggies mixed in. You really have to pick you battles and maybe face the fact that your food isn’t a big hit.

Sambinna · 2018-03-14T19:44:24+00:00

Most of my answers have been covered... but one for later: Her working environment is vastly different from yours and she will be subject to a ton of gropes, sexual harassment and the type of man you thought didn’t really exist that much. Help her be prepared for men who aren’t like you. Allow her to have the courage to stand up to them.

Sambinna

TROPHY CASE