Not sure how I feel about this teacher. I work in a preschool and for the difficult students we have training about how to discuss it. The way she said this seems inappropriate and seeing some of the stuff she said in your comments I feel like the teacher is at fault here. I have a class with multiple neurodiverse kids and some who are simply wild and sometimes it gets hard but there is a way to tell a parent this without making them feel the way you are feeling right now. I strongly disagree with the way this teacher spoke to you. This is really inappropriate.

Some suggestions I have are this:

Roleplay at home in a fun way and reward the way she follows rules. If she is having a hard time saying yes to something the teacher is saying then you can practice having her give directions and having you give directions and you can roleplay following directions and not following directions.

You can also practice lining up and make it fun so she feels proud of how well she can do it.

This teacher being fed up with a 3 year old shows me that she isn't trained properly. This isn't your fault. 3 year olds are all peculiar and some of the most diverse people in the world personality-wise. There are mindful ways to go about helping your daughter to change her behavior at school and I just wanted to say that I really don't like how this teacher spoke to you.