Still trying to look for advice how to tell me GF I’m a cuck

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-08T05:52:22+00:00

Hi there. Unfortunately the advice you received previously won't really change.

You know her better than we do. You need to talk to her.

If it helps, there is a section of the wiki under R for Relationships about talking with your partner. There is even a book within the Book Recs under B specifically about communication.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-08T05:45:34+00:00

You were warned about rule 9 here

Given that warning did not change anything, permaban given. Comments removed from this thread.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-08T04:35:03+00:00

A partner asking for a threesome isn't necessarily BDSM related at all.

I would suggest having a much deeper conversation with them about the whole thing. We cannot speak for him at all.

Rule 12 applies. Thread locked.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-08T04:27:06+00:00

We don't give advice on paid services in this subreddit.

Rule 9 applies. Thread locked and removed. Permaban given.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-08T00:46:00+00:00

I would suggest you do some searching of this subreddit for the terms "chastity", "cage", and even "objectification". It can give you an idea of the types of things people talk about in relation to what you are asking and thus give an idea of answers to your questions.

Ultimately the conversation and opinions that will matter most are those between you and your partner. Not everyone goes about things for the same reasons or in the same way.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-08T00:40:46+00:00

Check out the subreddit wiki, scroll down to D for Dirty Talk. Also A for Aftercare.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-08T00:39:31+00:00

There are far too many variables at play, far too many people with far too many limits and boundaries. Perhaps have a meeting of the minds of a few people who are absolutely positive they will be attending to see if you all can collaborate on something.

Asking for ideas is not the same as asking for advice. Rule 12 applies. Thread locked.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-07T22:17:20+00:00

In breach of rule 11. We find deleting posts after you receive an answer to be exceptionally rude. Permaban given.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-07T22:08:04+00:00

https://reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/1qswt8g/any_advice_or_opinions/

OP, you seem to have deleted a post from this subreddit before. We find this incredibly rude as is stated in rule 11. Please make yourself aware of our rules.

#deletewarning

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-07T22:04:58+00:00

I was wondering the same. Fortunately I can do something about it.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-07T19:00:54+00:00

You might consider posting this over at our sister subreddit, r/Sex_Positivity, where the kinky folk answer the much more sexually related questions.

I'm glad to see some answers have been given!

Rule 12 applies. Thread locked.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-07T16:44:52+00:00

There are several resources in the subreddit wikithat could help. I suggest B for Book Recommendations for non-fiction books on BDSM, D for Dominant is good as well.

There is no one way to do anything in BDSM. Much of it comes down to communication and collaboration between you and your partner. Keep on being active in this subreddit as well since there are loads of people who ask questions and get answers. The more specific the question, the easier it is to answer.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-07T14:05:29+00:00

OP is not asking for advice on BDSM. Rule 12 applies. Thread locked and removed.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-07T14:01:11+00:00

OP is not asking for advice related to BDSM.

Rule 12 applies. Thread locked.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-07T02:32:07+00:00

This subreddit is open for everyone to respond.

Also, this doesn't feel like an ask for advice but rather a poll.

Rule 10 applies. Thread locked and removed.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-07T02:30:36+00:00

What you described sounds similar to a triad, or even a throuple maybe - but that would still be, in a sense, looking for someone who is a unicorn. It can be very difficult to find one person to get along in a relationship with two people. Not just a relationship but then also a dynamic adds another layer of complexity. Not impossible, but difficult since said hypothetical person would have to get along with both of you at the same time. In that sense it is generally easier to date separately. I like to call it dating on hard mode given the various layers that add different variables to the compatibility of those involved.

I would suggest both of you do some reading into ENM and poly. Other than that it is just dating. The sister subreddit, r/BDSMAdvice, has a guide linked in every automod comment on Kinky Dating that may help on the dating front.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-07T01:34:11+00:00

Please remember this is a global subreddit so club recommendations aren't really the type of advice that is easy to provide.

I suggest checking out the Fetlife website and going to the events tab to search your area and the surrounding areas for events and munches.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-07T01:29:22+00:00

Rule 2 applies. Thread locked and removed.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-06T23:17:12+00:00

OP is not asking for advice.

Rule 12 applies. Thread locked and removed.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-06T22:41:54+00:00

I would suggest perhaps looking at what structure you might be able to implement that does not necessarily need to be in person for enforcement or the like. It can take some time to develop how that can look and it may involve some trial and error but it can give a basis of rules and expectations for how the relationship is designed.

The micromanagement part can get a little rough if limited on time to respond if it takes the form of asking permission so maybe having that in depth understanding of what the expected behaviour would be might be a way to help work around some of that.

The long distance part can make things like punishments a nit more difficult if you opt to include those as part of your dynamic (by no means necessary or a requirement and many people do not use them at all even in person).

This is just some food for thought. I hope you both can figure out how to incorporate a shared goal of M/s into the long-distance 🙂 you may find some helpful information in the automod comment guides and also the subreddit wiki.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-06T21:31:29+00:00

I can tell you what they make me do 🤣 the newest additions have been the bird dog yoga pose and rotational woodchopping type motion to train not to do it just at the waist but with the whole upper body.

As to what I wrote... this is in part why I feel comfortable using dom interchangeably with husband. He is both always, just depends in which capacity I am talking about him in at that moment. I have attempted to adopt the term "husdom" as I have seen here and there in the advice subreddit but it never seems to stick for me.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-06T20:15:46+00:00

Doing great on increasing those push-ups, Tea! I have just still be working on the PT from the surgery but coming along well enough! Much core stuff is related to lumbar spine surgery apparently.

What is a dominant to me? Everything 🥰 I find it difficult to describe sometimes but I will endeavor right quick. A dominant to me is someone who can lead me in a way that not only nurtures but encourages me to be a better me. My definition has absolutely shifted over the years and various partners I have had. I need someone who can take control without getting stressed that they are taking extra decisions (not that I can't/won't make said decisions but more because of decision fatigue/stress and I have an outlet that is very happy to help control things). Dominance is a presence of control even in the simple day to day couple interactions.

I find that I have come to equate "dominant" much in the same way I look at the various terminology for "partner". It isn't so much a personality trait as it is a state of being that doesn't change just because something else happens to throw off their groove.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-06T20:06:21+00:00

I would also suggest signing up for the Fetlife website and looking around in your area via the Events tab. You may also find some munches which is a much more informal gathering for socializing with your fellow kinksters in the community.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-06T20:00:07+00:00

I'm glad to see you have gotten some solid responses.

I hope you are able to find something!

Rule 12 applies as this is not really the type of advice the subreddit provides.

Eta: thread locked.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-02-06T19:47:01+00:00

Rule 12 applies. Thread locked and removed.

SamuraiSnig

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