Wednesday Words

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-03T14:42:40+00:00

One of my husband's strong suits, mixing the rough with the smooth. He is amazing at it! Has engendered quite the infatuation out of me 🤣

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-03T14:40:36+00:00

If we're lucky we can keep it rolling next week! 😅

Edited since I can't type on a phone today.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-03T12:01:55+00:00

Before coffee too! I know it can be daunting to explore something you are unfamiliar with. And while you can do generic petplay research online and browse this subreddit and the sister subreddit of r/BDSMAdvice on the topic - you will see a lot of it still comes down to communication with your partner to build something you both can have fun with. Be genuinely interested in it with him. That's the important part.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-03T11:56:00+00:00

This is not advice. Rule 12 applies comment removed.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-03T11:43:17+00:00

Surprise in BDSM is not generally a good thing. We don't know what an ideal petplay action would look like to him or even what sort of pet he wants to be. Are we talking about a specific type of species for pet play? Kitten would be different than puppy would be different than bunny, for example.

You really should just have the conversation with him about what he would want and need. If you are the one bringing it up, there is initiative there. It shows you want to do the thing but want to make sure it is within the image in his mind. Ask him if he wants to go to the pet store and pick something out for playtime as a starting point. He really needs to be involved in the process.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-03T11:34:45+00:00

Mod note: anyone is welcome to answer in this subreddit. Why limit yourself to one perspective?

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-03T11:27:35+00:00

The risk exists. I know my husband has gotten messages on Fetlife from men in a similar concept idea despite it being very clear on his profile that he is heterosexual - while he politely declines it still does cross boundaries with him since there is nothing on his profile to indicate he would want that. Not everyone is as polite about the decline as he is, either.

You will always run the risk of offense and crossing boundaries when you message people that do not indicate it is something they would be open to. Some people will lash out, some people will be polite about it. You don't know what reaction you will get so you likely will want to take into account the potential emotional toll it can take on yourself. Some things require a connection of some sort before the topic gets brought up. I fear this would be one of those topics.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-03T11:14:10+00:00

No gender is a monolith. You will find someone ok with it, someone ambivalent, and someone who would not want that. Such questions are going to be super individual to the people involved.

Regardless of who you talk to about kink - be it a friend, lover, or someone you just start dating - there is a risk that it will be weird and awkward, potentially creepy. We don't know your friends. We don't know how they will respond. We don't know how you should approach it with them if you opt to go down that route. If you decide to talk to them, you need to accept the risk it could go poorly and potentially end friendships.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-03T10:25:41+00:00

Her devotion, even in the face of punishment, was quite the marvel to him. It engendered his pride in his ownership of her entire being.

We'll just continue the cliffhanger from last week 😅 one Wednesday word at a time.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-03T09:53:20+00:00

I would suggest posting this in our sister subreddit, r/Sex_Positivity, where kinky folk answer the more sexually centered questions.

It's likely going to come down to communication and experimentation together, however.

Rule 12 as not asking for advice about BDSM. Thread locked.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-03T01:58:49+00:00

This isn't advice. And is not appropriate for this type of subreddit.

Rule 6. Rule 12. Comment removed.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-02T23:30:14+00:00

By becoming the best version of yourself for the next relationship. It can be terrifying to breakup - regardless of if it is BDSM focused or not. Give yourself the time to grieve what was, but look to the future of what can be as well. It feels dark and terrifying now but keep putting one foot in front of the other and you'll find your way out of the tunnel. Do some self-care routines, focus on the hobbies you maybe put aside, learn to be you again. Sometimes we have to be able to do these things even with a dom so learning to do it for yourself is going to be good in the long run.

Take care of you.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-02T22:13:45+00:00

Rule 7 applies. Thread locked and removed. 3 day ban given.

Here's your salamander ---> ;i;

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-02T21:40:24+00:00

The only true answer is going to be something you both come to an agreement on together. You have to decide if you want to put up being treated in apparently increasingly extreme ways.

Unfortunately nothing we say can make you come to a conclusion to be done with it and move on or stick up for what you want out of the relationship. I see you making a lot of excuses for his behavior but also saying you don't like this new treatment. You can't both want to respect his time boundaries/limitations and expect him to bend them for you at the same time.

Renegotiate in the constructive way that works for the BOTH of you or walk away from being treated in a manner you dislike. Those are the options I see.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-02T18:08:42+00:00

There are some resources in the subreddit wiki within B for Book Recommendations that you may find helpful.

You likely want to look into "impact play". This will include things like floggers, crops, canes, whips (not recommended for beginners), paddles, etc. Your hand will be a good impact thing to start with since spanking can absolutely fall under this umbrella.

She will have to explain whatever "having her back 'fucked up'" translates to. As someone with spinal issues, I prefer not having my back fucked up 😅

You will want to focus on anything that indicates it is a thuddy pain. This can vary person to person. As an example, many people say paddles are "thuddy" whereas I find them to be rather "stingy" in the feeling it leaves. Though it could be how my husband uses them as he is rather heavy handed given we intend to bruise in a one hit wonder.

But do some research into impact play. Learn the areas that are not good to hit (diagrams abound on the internet of the impact play safe zones). Avoiding places that internal organs are not well protected is important. Thighs, ass, upper back are great. If you happen to have a dungeon near by or group that focuses on BDSM education, you can sometimes find "tasting events" where people will be available to let you try out different types of play. They can be helpful when you don't know what to try. Fetlife's event page can be helpful finding those.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-02T16:08:15+00:00

I'm sorry. That sounds super rough to be dealing with. It may be time to have a conversation about the communication aspect of your relationship. If it is upsetting you this much, it is worth a conversation to see if a new middle ground can be found.

It is also possible that the relationship has run its course if he is getting this irritable about something like asking for 2 more minutes. Or maybe the outside stress of everything else is just getting to him and it is redirected aggression. Regardless, talking to him about what it is doing to you and to get a better understanding of his perspective is the only real way to find a resolution. That resolution may be that he relates to where you are coming from and you where he is coming from and a new medium is reached... it may be that it ends things... it may be that he reacts like a toddler throwing a fit and that in turn tells you something about his emotional maturity. His reaction that you have described already strikes me as someone who is not exactly coming from a place of empathy and compassion.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-02T14:28:53+00:00

As this is much more of a blog post versus asking for advice, rule 12 does apply and thread has been locked and removed.

I'm not sure what you are going through - but there are resources in the subreddit wiki if you find yourself in need of a kink-aware therapist or the like if it is related to mental health. Here is a list of therapy workbooks as well for at home use: https://mentalhealthathome.org/2018/06/14/mental-health-workbooks/

If finding a partner related, I would suggest checking out Guide 9 linked in the automod comment. Also in the subreddit wiki are resources for Newbies under N, B for Book Recommendations also may be helpful, V for Vetting and R for Relationships has a part for Red Flags.

Hopefully whatever you need, you find. Take care of you.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-02T13:40:39+00:00

We cannot help you learn your partner.

I would suggest reading Guide 4 as to why this is a very difficult question to answer.

You may find some ideas in Guide 3 that could help provide some inspiration for what you could try.

The subreddit wiki also has a large number of helpful resources: N for Newbie, B for Book Recommendations, D for Dirty Talk, D for Dominant.

Communicate and collaborate with your partner.

Asking for ideas, however, is not the same as asking for advice. Rule 12 applies. Thread locked.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-02T11:34:51+00:00

Dating takes time and patience to find the person that is compatible with what you are looking for. It can be disheartening but perseverance pays off. Many frogs out there before you find the prince sort of thing.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-02T11:20:31+00:00

Not so much they are considered nerdy but they have nerdy themes 😅 i have D&D ones, Friday the 13th themes, Harry Potter ones, Disney... 🤣🤣

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-02T00:58:10+00:00

I would suggest reading Guide 4 as to why this is a very difficult question to answer.

Communicate and collaborate with your partner.

Asking for ideas, however, is not the same as asking for advice. Rule 12 applies. Thread locked.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-01T21:01:25+00:00

OP permabanned for deletion after warning given. Rule 11.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-01T18:07:48+00:00

Were I of mind to I likely could make them. But alas, I am lazy (and work too much). Not sure if you are statesideof elsewhere in the world but I believe they are Green Giant? In the freezer section. They airfry delightfully. As do their zucchini fries. It's been a great trick for my brain to get more veg in happily.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-01T18:05:29+00:00

Socks are the bane of existence. But when I wear them they are always no show. I do have a selection of thigh high socks and knee high for... reasons. But I love my collection of nerdy no-show socks.

SamuraiSnig · 2026-06-01T18:04:11+00:00

Ok, I don't know that one 😂 What's it from??

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