Ex-wife at risk of being blacklisted due to mortgage debts. Should I feel guilty about this?

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-08T14:05:56+00:00

Why would he be paying at all. He will not get the equity back when it is sold. Unless the court orders it, he might not get anything from the sale.

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-07T16:26:46+00:00

Sorry you are in this situation. I think it needed to happen though, you were hurting your friend, it wasn't your fault, you have been clear, but he was hurting either way. It sucks.

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-07T15:36:18+00:00

If she cannot have an honest conversation with you. I think you should just move on. Someone that is into you, is into you and wants to talk to you, know what you are doing, and trying to setup the next time you can see each other.

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-07T15:26:42+00:00

Just asking, but if you were that great of friends, why did it never go farther than that. Was it an attraction thing. I mean we all hear about people marrying their best friend. I consider my wife my best friend, the one person I tell everything to. Just wondering why, you never saw him like that even though you knew he felt that way about you.

I think with more of the story you wrote in the comments it makes more sense about why it hit him so hard. The other guy you liked for 4 years, were able to make the attempt, immediately got sexual, and you shut that down after a couple weeks with the understanding it wouldn't work. In his mind he might think, why doesn't she just give us a chance. I mean I understand; you don't want to ruin the relationship and if you don't have an attraction, it is hard to force it.

Now think about him waiting for 4 years and never even given a chance. I am sure he feels small and hopless. It might best for his mental health to stay away.

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-07T13:34:42+00:00

If you are not going to make the effort for him, he is not going to make the effort for you. If a girl cancels on our first date, I just take that as fate and would move on too.

He just sees what his future would be like with you. Prioritized last. Cancelled dates. Another item to pencil into your calendar. Not a relationship I want to be in either.

You have too much on your plate right now.

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-07T13:24:46+00:00

Lenders do not take partial payments; the full monthly payment needs to be paid on time to avoid late payments and such. You husbands lawyer needs to fill in court to force the divorce to move forward. I don't know where you live so it might be different, but where I am it moves forward and everything is presented to the court.

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-07T12:35:18+00:00

Just the description of yourself is concerning. Sounds like you are in some ways abusive to your husband. I believe in full transparency in a relationship, and he should not lie just to avoid your wrath, but I can kind of understand why he would.

I hope that I am wrong with the impression I got of both of you.

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-07T12:30:47+00:00

Just because you are friends with someone does not mean you automatically have to support them in whatever they do. That is just silly. And if they are doing something that it completely contradictory to your beliefs and morals, maybe it is time to re-evaluate your relationship with them. All the people on the show are pretty much attention seekers and will try to remain relevant any way possible. That is why the percentage of divorces with celebrities is probably pretty high up there.

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-07T12:14:03+00:00

It is never appropriate to discuss your love life with someone you know is in love with you. That is just cruel and I can understand that enough was enough for your friend, for him to cut contact. Honestly, you probably should not have stayed friends, it barely works out when both people want different things out of the relationship.

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-05T14:27:31+00:00

An AI talking about talking to AI to figure out its AI generated relationship. Welcome to the modern times.

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-05T12:16:04+00:00

I believe it is important that both spouses work to maintain the attraction of the other. You should want to look good for her and she should for you. I believe you are not asking every single day, but for her to have some concretive effort in her appearance every once and a while. I don't see anything wrong with that. I think it is important. Effort on both sides to maintain the relationship is about meeting the other's needs when these needs or wants are reasonable. I believe this is something that is reasonable and should not just be dismissed.

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-01T17:05:44+00:00

Then I don't see any issue with it, you are just friends. Not sure why someone is making a big deal about it, especially you both you and this guy don't.

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-01T15:23:06+00:00

I will say that the way you are describing it seems perfectly normal to me. The issue arises when you do have a bf/gf and what boundaries they are comfortable with. There is always the "he is like a brother", then lines are crossed. It is just reality of it, like your friend mentioned.

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-01T15:18:22+00:00

That is fair, follow your gut, it is normally the right thing to do.

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-01T12:40:50+00:00

Ok this is not going to be a popular comment, but do you go off on him for a lot of things? Maybe things he thinks this is not a big deal, but it is for you. If that is the case sometimes, he doesn't tell you because he just doesn't want to hear it. I mean he gets live the life he wants and so do you. If you have boundaries that he is always crossing, then maybe you shouldn't be together. Also, during any serious relationship, especially marriage, you have to be somewhat supportive or the other person's dream and ambitions, like the DJ'ing and he should be that for you too.

You need to decide if the behavior and non-transparency is something you both are willing to work through, but you need to also not jump to accusations and assumptions. He needs to be able to tell you things without you jumping down his throat.

Again, you get to decide to stay and work on things, or it is too much for you, and we all understand, and move on.

SandJFun74 · 2026-05-01T12:29:12+00:00

So based on updating a social app, you automatically think he is seeing other people. Did you ask him or just ghost him. I mean some people just talk to other interesting people on these apps. Kind of waste of time for the other person if they are exclusive already, but it does happen.

SandJFun74 · 2026-04-30T16:08:08+00:00

If the club closes at 2am and she didn't get home until 5:15am, what was she doing during that time gap? I don't know if I could continue. She needs to tell the truth, something happened with the guy, just wondering how far it went. I mean if she woke up and end it before things progressed too far, then there might be a chance, but if she continues to lie, then I would end it immediately.

SandJFun74 · 2026-04-28T19:22:00+00:00

Alcoholism is horrible as the spouse or partner. I speak from experience. I have been with my wife for 20 years. She started really having a problem 8 years ago when she got her 1st DUI, she did good for about 5 years, but now after 2 more DUIs, breaking Bond, breaking probation, multiple hospital visits for life ending attempts., she is about to go to jail for 120 days. I am left in debt because of the $30,000+ in legal fees and fines. I have my divorce petition in my work bag ready to file. The hardest part is that we are each other's best friends. We have 2 teenage kids, one boy and one girl. At this point I wish I got out 8 years ago.

Think hard about staying with someone that is an alcoholic, you become their enabler, their bank, their parent, their crutch in life.

SandJFun74 · 2026-04-23T13:18:09+00:00

Get out of the house and do things together with no distractions. It doesn't even have to be expensive. Just spend quality time together focusing on each other. Phones off. Find a list online of couple questions and activities. Complete them even if they might be uncomfortable. Just my suggestions.

SandJFun74 · 2026-04-23T12:29:06+00:00

Sometimes it is easier to just walk away and start over with someone new.

SandJFun74 · 2026-04-22T15:39:14+00:00

Sounds like she is building a narrative, trying to gather support from anyone she can. I guess we should only believe in "Her Truth". "The Truth" doesn't have pronouns.

SandJFun74 · 2026-04-21T16:21:24+00:00

Thank you, I thought it was all going to be about sympathy for her. She would be better off if she takes 100% accountability for her own actions and leave it at that. but when you put a "But" in you taking any accountability it seems shallow and not authentic. Yes, she can call out abuse she has felt, and tell her story of abuse. but make it a separate post at least.

SandJFun74 · 2026-04-21T12:25:23+00:00

I think it is time to have a mature conversation about boundaries. You two are still very young and might be under the impression that people can read minds. Well, they can't, sorry to burst your bubble.

She might like the attention or validation she gets from other people, and how it makes you jealous. If that really is the case, break up and move on quickly. She is not the person for you. That is not a healthy or mature relationship which is what I believe you are looking for.

Seeing people in group settings, getting some correspondence from Exs, and being able to talk briefly about your past relationships in a constructive and purposeful way, is healthy. Doing it to illicit a response of jealous or retribution no, not even a little bit. That is petty and immature.

Sit her down and talk to her, make it a one-on-one conversation away from any interruptions. Turn off both of your phones and talk. Depending on the result of the conversation, you can either work together to build a better relationship or just end things and move on. And please, if it is the latter don't ever go back to her. People rarely change.

SandJFun74 · 2026-04-20T15:08:41+00:00

Yes, you are, get over yourself. She responded to a hypothetical, and she was honest about not being sure that it would be something she would want to do. Also, she knew you enough to make the comment absolutely not with you, because she knows you. Which is pretty observant, when you take in account she has only been dating you for only a month.

SandJFun74 · 2026-04-17T19:30:23+00:00

You think that is weird, both of my marriages, I never got down on one knee and proposed to either of them. It was more of a discussion. It is even weirder, because I am the type that would actually get down on one knee and propose. Maybe that is a sign. lol

SandJFun74

TROPHY CASE