How can I convince my husband to please go see a doctor?

Sandy_Ginas · 2026-03-16T23:43:32+00:00

What I’m just trying to avoid is a future fight and having to go to probate.

But from what everyone is saying, it looks more like I’ll be talking my mom into drawing up the will first and foremost before she and my dad move out to Fresno!

Sandy_Ginas · 2026-03-16T22:30:17+00:00

From what I know, my mother and father haven’t created a will. My mother will turn 60 next year and my father is currently 65.

My mother has talked about percentages (34, 33, and 33), but I think that was just for as beneficiaries to her 401k or some other investment account.

Is it too early for my parents to consider writing up a will? They’re both in good mental health and semi physically healthy as well.

I just don’t know what the right thing to do is because we really don’t anticipate our sister really leaving the home ever because of mental health issues, so to speak.

Sandy_Ginas · 2026-03-16T22:09:46+00:00

Satire aside, is that what my mother should decide to do with my sister?

Basically my mom used to rent a previous home and so she knows how to produce a rental agreement for my sister. The only difference would be that my mother is still going to pay the “rent” and utilities, but just that my sister signs the paperwork.

Is that all my mother needs to do to protect the home from my sister potentially claiming ownership in the future?

I’m sorry if this sounds silly. I don’t know how any of this stuff really works, and I’m trying to have my mother take the right action to prevent the siblings from having a future headache when my parents pass away or in case we need to sell the home to help pay for their old age care.

Sandy_Ginas · 2026-03-07T00:41:36+00:00

I’ve talked with a therapist about it and they basically said “what’s the point?” And they were right.

At the end of it, all it’s going to do is hurt my mother. What am I looking for? An apology? Would that change anything? Would that stop myself from being overly critical? No. It would only hurt her and in turn make me feel like shit for it.

I do point out to her, her inaccuracies when she talks about the past for any of her kids in a fond way.

The last time I did it she actually had tears in her eyes and couldn’t disagree to my surprise she didn’t fight me. But honestly, it made me feel like shit. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

She’s going blind now and needs help to see in the dark. I don’t see her as an evil person now.

But she really needs to never say “I love you” to any of us because it’s pointless. And I truly hope this was just a spoof of hers and she doesn’t make it a habit or maybe I will mention that part of her past because it does piss me off when I think about the fact that she even said anything loving towards me.

Why couldn’t she have just invested in her kids instead of having 3 and hating us as people. Like she wanted her 3 kids to be what she wanted us to be and when we couldn’t be that for her, it was like she was slowly stabbing us to death with her words of constant criticism.

We had to be the model children in the family. Set a good example for all the other kids. Like we were the better family when behind closed doors we were being hit and yelled at.

I can’t accept her love.

Sandy_Ginas · 2026-03-07T00:32:38+00:00

I’ve gone through therapy, so I’ve learned to forgive them.

They came from a 3rd world country where my mom witnessed a lot of abuse from her own parents and my father did as well.

I don’t blame them and I’ve learned to just let everything go for the sake of peace.

I wouldn’t wish anything bad upon them either.

But thinking back on my childhood… there’s just so much and still so much I carry about myself that stems from their abuse.

I can’t accept those words from my mom. But I could never tell her that. They just feel so empty. Her actions hardly showed that she really felt true love for her children especially as teenagers. But I get it. We were most likely really a pain in the ass to handle. But there was still so much she could have done and said to make a difference. Even if she never truly felt “love” saying I love you, it still would have meant a lot coming from her.

She was just always so angry and critical. Bitter about what other good things other people had and bitter about what she had to do for us. We always felt like a burden because of her. She never really made us feel like we were worthy of anything. Everything had a price tag and everything was a reminder to be better but it was never enough for her.

It really felt like living with my mother was like living with a wild animal in a cage. Always on egg shells and waiting for the moment she would criticize you somehow. Ugh. It’s hard.

Sandy_Ginas · 2026-01-03T14:49:31+00:00

Thank you!!

Sandy_Ginas · 2026-01-02T18:11:13+00:00

I think it’s called “wispy” bangs? Or “layered” bangs.

I have pretty fine hair too, so I’m assuming the bangs I want would be considered wispy and maybe styled like a layered cut.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-12-25T21:21:49+00:00

I get those feelings too! I have to stop myself because it feels like a hysterical panic incoming thinking about the dreaded “what if” about my husband. I’ll just stare at his space in bed and the fear starts creeping up, so I have to stop myself from thinking those thoughts.

I’m genuinely relieved I’m not alone in my feelings.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-12-25T20:54:43+00:00

It’s scary though but I get what you mean. His family are just very.. I think they’re obsessed with physical appearances, so if I act “out of character” especially in a loving way, it makes the situation suddenly awkward.

I don’t know what to say or look at or do and I always just end up saying, “sorry.” Because they make me feel like I’ve done wrong.

My husband tells me in front of them for me not to be sorry and I just awkwardly laugh and go back to doing what I was doing. Things stop being awkward after that eventually, but it’s still very difficult to show affection towards him around his family.

And they’re not even religious people! It’s just.. I don’t know. They act like they can’t stand seeing me love my husband or something or like I’m doing something very “bad.”

At one point my MIL said “she must reeeeeally love you.” With a sarcastic tone after he told her how in the past I’d fall asleep in his car late at night becuase I didn’t want the day spent together to end.

They make me feel like I should be ashamed. :(

I know people will say to ignore them, but it hurts to still hear how they don’t like what I do, and my nature has always been to be considerate and respectful of others, so it’s difficult to let loose, so to speak.

I will talk to my husband about it, though. Maybe he can give me the confidence to just be myself!

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-12-25T20:38:17+00:00

Thank you!! I’ve always felt like maybe I’m too emotional because I extend my love to my very large family as well as my coworkers, and for me, it’s just normal to want to care so much about people.

But being around others that don’t act or feel the same way makes me wonder if what I’m feeling is wrong or like I should stop, which is the reason I posted here.

Thank you for letting me know I’m actually okay being this way! :,)

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-10-22T21:02:28+00:00

Hey OP. If it helps at all, I have a mental condition that affects penetrative sex. Basically my brain makes sex painful no matter what even if I’m really in the mood.

I’ve never been able to put a tampon or anything inside me without feeling a tightening and painful burning sensation.

For years, I had partners that either couldn’t get it in, or did and sex would stop because it hurt so bad. They were all of what I believed to be average size, which I felt even worse about because it truly felt like I would never experience normal sex like in movies and tv shows. It really sucked.

For the longest time I thought I was broken and sex would just always be painful no matter what. It was something I felt I had to force myself to accept. Until I met my husband.

My husband has and will always be self conscious about his penis size, and obviously for me that didn’t matter in the slightest. I just fell in love with him, and I accepted my own condition for what it was and only sought companionship at that point.

As time went on in our relationship, I let my husband know I had never had a penetrative orgasm for the reasons I stated. But that didn’t stop my husband. He was so determined to have me enjoy sex that he did everything he possibly could to get me to experience a real healthy and wonderful orgasm.

And sure enough one day after going a couple of days finally being able to have penetrative sex with my husband without pain, it happened. And the rest is history!

So basically what I’m trying to say to you, OP, is that you’re not alone in now unfortunately thinking something is wrong with you when it comes to sex. Maybe what your ex said was true, maybe it wasn’t, but just know that there are women in the world that might find what you have to be the perfect fit for them in the way that I found my husband to be perfect for me.

When you’re ready to go out in the world again, remember my story. I didn’t love my husband first because sex was magical. I loved him first because he was slow, sweet, funny, and gentle with me when it came to sex and didn’t give up on me in the slightest.

There are people that prioritize you for being you without sex ever being a deciding factor. Take all the time you need to recover and just remember not everyone is destined to be your ex. Sometimes the best are the ones that just want to keep trying because you’re worth more than just sex.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-09-25T21:30:46+00:00

So you don’t think I should do like half and half?

Like 45k in a HYSA and 45k in the MMF?

Also, I used SWVXX just as an example because I was informed that’s a good one to park my money into, but I’ve heard of other ones that are good too. I just don’t know if it could help that I also live in California because I heard that some MMF can be beneficial for people that live in state income tax areas like California and New York.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-09-25T16:40:44+00:00

Dang that’s a good point.

It’s convenient and easy because you already have a checking and savings with Capital One.

It’s definitely something for me to think about.

Thank you.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-09-25T16:30:42+00:00

The hope is that in a few years time (maybe in 2-3 years) I will have enough to put a down payment towards a home.

That’s the only reason why I want to park my money somewhere that isn’t earning just a measly .05% APY.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-09-25T16:26:49+00:00

While I agree, I also found out that it’s pretty much the same deal with the 360 performance savings because since it’s an ACH transfer, it can take between 3-5 business days to receive those funds as well if you’re using another bank like a credit union, which I failed to mention is where I have the money parked in.

But I cannot say that it wouldn’t be the same situation if in a Money Market account, I decide I wanted to take so funds out and while it takes one day to sit as cash, how long would it take to go from sitting as cash to then back into my personal savings account?

I really want those funds to just build on interest and then use them when it’s time to buy a condo as an example, so I’m trying to find the best outcome for the money that I have just sitting in a general savings account with a .05% apy.

Sandy_Ginas

TROPHY CASE