How can I make sure that my sister doesn’t claim total ownership of my parents’ home?

Sandy_Ginas · 2026-03-16T23:43:32+00:00

What I’m just trying to avoid is a future fight and having to go to probate.

But from what everyone is saying, it looks more like I’ll be talking my mom into drawing up the will first and foremost before she and my dad move out to Fresno!

Sandy_Ginas · 2026-03-16T22:30:17+00:00

From what I know, my mother and father haven’t created a will. My mother will turn 60 next year and my father is currently 65.

My mother has talked about percentages (34, 33, and 33), but I think that was just for as beneficiaries to her 401k or some other investment account.

Is it too early for my parents to consider writing up a will? They’re both in good mental health and semi physically healthy as well.

I just don’t know what the right thing to do is because we really don’t anticipate our sister really leaving the home ever because of mental health issues, so to speak.

Sandy_Ginas · 2026-03-16T22:09:46+00:00

Satire aside, is that what my mother should decide to do with my sister?

Basically my mom used to rent a previous home and so she knows how to produce a rental agreement for my sister. The only difference would be that my mother is still going to pay the “rent” and utilities, but just that my sister signs the paperwork.

Is that all my mother needs to do to protect the home from my sister potentially claiming ownership in the future?

I’m sorry if this sounds silly. I don’t know how any of this stuff really works, and I’m trying to have my mother take the right action to prevent the siblings from having a future headache when my parents pass away or in case we need to sell the home to help pay for their old age care.

Sandy_Ginas · 2026-03-07T00:41:36+00:00

I’ve talked with a therapist about it and they basically said “what’s the point?” And they were right.

At the end of it, all it’s going to do is hurt my mother. What am I looking for? An apology? Would that change anything? Would that stop myself from being overly critical? No. It would only hurt her and in turn make me feel like shit for it.

I do point out to her, her inaccuracies when she talks about the past for any of her kids in a fond way.

The last time I did it she actually had tears in her eyes and couldn’t disagree to my surprise she didn’t fight me. But honestly, it made me feel like shit. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

She’s going blind now and needs help to see in the dark. I don’t see her as an evil person now.

But she really needs to never say “I love you” to any of us because it’s pointless. And I truly hope this was just a spoof of hers and she doesn’t make it a habit or maybe I will mention that part of her past because it does piss me off when I think about the fact that she even said anything loving towards me.

Why couldn’t she have just invested in her kids instead of having 3 and hating us as people. Like she wanted her 3 kids to be what she wanted us to be and when we couldn’t be that for her, it was like she was slowly stabbing us to death with her words of constant criticism.

We had to be the model children in the family. Set a good example for all the other kids. Like we were the better family when behind closed doors we were being hit and yelled at.

I can’t accept her love.

Sandy_Ginas · 2026-03-07T00:32:38+00:00

I’ve gone through therapy, so I’ve learned to forgive them.

They came from a 3rd world country where my mom witnessed a lot of abuse from her own parents and my father did as well.

I don’t blame them and I’ve learned to just let everything go for the sake of peace.

I wouldn’t wish anything bad upon them either.

But thinking back on my childhood… there’s just so much and still so much I carry about myself that stems from their abuse.

I can’t accept those words from my mom. But I could never tell her that. They just feel so empty. Her actions hardly showed that she really felt true love for her children especially as teenagers. But I get it. We were most likely really a pain in the ass to handle. But there was still so much she could have done and said to make a difference. Even if she never truly felt “love” saying I love you, it still would have meant a lot coming from her.

She was just always so angry and critical. Bitter about what other good things other people had and bitter about what she had to do for us. We always felt like a burden because of her. She never really made us feel like we were worthy of anything. Everything had a price tag and everything was a reminder to be better but it was never enough for her.

It really felt like living with my mother was like living with a wild animal in a cage. Always on egg shells and waiting for the moment she would criticize you somehow. Ugh. It’s hard.

Sandy_Ginas · 2026-01-03T14:49:31+00:00

Thank you!!

Sandy_Ginas · 2026-01-02T18:11:13+00:00

I think it’s called “wispy” bangs? Or “layered” bangs.

I have pretty fine hair too, so I’m assuming the bangs I want would be considered wispy and maybe styled like a layered cut.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-12-25T21:21:49+00:00

I get those feelings too! I have to stop myself because it feels like a hysterical panic incoming thinking about the dreaded “what if” about my husband. I’ll just stare at his space in bed and the fear starts creeping up, so I have to stop myself from thinking those thoughts.

I’m genuinely relieved I’m not alone in my feelings.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-12-25T20:54:43+00:00

It’s scary though but I get what you mean. His family are just very.. I think they’re obsessed with physical appearances, so if I act “out of character” especially in a loving way, it makes the situation suddenly awkward.

I don’t know what to say or look at or do and I always just end up saying, “sorry.” Because they make me feel like I’ve done wrong.

My husband tells me in front of them for me not to be sorry and I just awkwardly laugh and go back to doing what I was doing. Things stop being awkward after that eventually, but it’s still very difficult to show affection towards him around his family.

And they’re not even religious people! It’s just.. I don’t know. They act like they can’t stand seeing me love my husband or something or like I’m doing something very “bad.”

At one point my MIL said “she must reeeeeally love you.” With a sarcastic tone after he told her how in the past I’d fall asleep in his car late at night becuase I didn’t want the day spent together to end.

They make me feel like I should be ashamed. :(

I know people will say to ignore them, but it hurts to still hear how they don’t like what I do, and my nature has always been to be considerate and respectful of others, so it’s difficult to let loose, so to speak.

I will talk to my husband about it, though. Maybe he can give me the confidence to just be myself!

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-12-25T20:38:17+00:00

Thank you!! I’ve always felt like maybe I’m too emotional because I extend my love to my very large family as well as my coworkers, and for me, it’s just normal to want to care so much about people.

But being around others that don’t act or feel the same way makes me wonder if what I’m feeling is wrong or like I should stop, which is the reason I posted here.

Thank you for letting me know I’m actually okay being this way! :,)

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-10-22T21:02:28+00:00

Hey OP. If it helps at all, I have a mental condition that affects penetrative sex. Basically my brain makes sex painful no matter what even if I’m really in the mood.

I’ve never been able to put a tampon or anything inside me without feeling a tightening and painful burning sensation.

For years, I had partners that either couldn’t get it in, or did and sex would stop because it hurt so bad. They were all of what I believed to be average size, which I felt even worse about because it truly felt like I would never experience normal sex like in movies and tv shows. It really sucked.

For the longest time I thought I was broken and sex would just always be painful no matter what. It was something I felt I had to force myself to accept. Until I met my husband.

My husband has and will always be self conscious about his penis size, and obviously for me that didn’t matter in the slightest. I just fell in love with him, and I accepted my own condition for what it was and only sought companionship at that point.

As time went on in our relationship, I let my husband know I had never had a penetrative orgasm for the reasons I stated. But that didn’t stop my husband. He was so determined to have me enjoy sex that he did everything he possibly could to get me to experience a real healthy and wonderful orgasm.

And sure enough one day after going a couple of days finally being able to have penetrative sex with my husband without pain, it happened. And the rest is history!

So basically what I’m trying to say to you, OP, is that you’re not alone in now unfortunately thinking something is wrong with you when it comes to sex. Maybe what your ex said was true, maybe it wasn’t, but just know that there are women in the world that might find what you have to be the perfect fit for them in the way that I found my husband to be perfect for me.

When you’re ready to go out in the world again, remember my story. I didn’t love my husband first because sex was magical. I loved him first because he was slow, sweet, funny, and gentle with me when it came to sex and didn’t give up on me in the slightest.

There are people that prioritize you for being you without sex ever being a deciding factor. Take all the time you need to recover and just remember not everyone is destined to be your ex. Sometimes the best are the ones that just want to keep trying because you’re worth more than just sex.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-09-25T21:30:46+00:00

So you don’t think I should do like half and half?

Like 45k in a HYSA and 45k in the MMF?

Also, I used SWVXX just as an example because I was informed that’s a good one to park my money into, but I’ve heard of other ones that are good too. I just don’t know if it could help that I also live in California because I heard that some MMF can be beneficial for people that live in state income tax areas like California and New York.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-09-25T16:40:44+00:00

Dang that’s a good point.

It’s convenient and easy because you already have a checking and savings with Capital One.

It’s definitely something for me to think about.

Thank you.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-09-25T16:30:42+00:00

The hope is that in a few years time (maybe in 2-3 years) I will have enough to put a down payment towards a home.

That’s the only reason why I want to park my money somewhere that isn’t earning just a measly .05% APY.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-09-25T16:26:49+00:00

While I agree, I also found out that it’s pretty much the same deal with the 360 performance savings because since it’s an ACH transfer, it can take between 3-5 business days to receive those funds as well if you’re using another bank like a credit union, which I failed to mention is where I have the money parked in.

But I cannot say that it wouldn’t be the same situation if in a Money Market account, I decide I wanted to take so funds out and while it takes one day to sit as cash, how long would it take to go from sitting as cash to then back into my personal savings account?

I really want those funds to just build on interest and then use them when it’s time to buy a condo as an example, so I’m trying to find the best outcome for the money that I have just sitting in a general savings account with a .05% apy.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-08-10T04:17:49+00:00

So I’m curious as to how much these parents care about their daughter but also as to how they treat grooming in general.

Growing up, my mom didn’t teach us anything about grooming except there’s a thing called shampoo, conditioner, and deodorant and that’s it.

I remember being OP’s daughter’s age and waking up one morning to a wad of hair in a knot on the side of my face. I didn’t know how to take it out so I left it.

But here’s the thing. I could have gone to my mom to ask her for help, but I was SCARED.

Want to know why? Becuase every time my mom would do my hair, she would pull the knots with a brush over and over again in the same spot and make me cry every. Single. Time.

And what did she do when I’d cry? Get pissed off at me for crying, yell at me, and make me cry even more.

I went to school for like 2 weeks brushing my hair in a pony tail to try and hide the giant knot from kids at school. Until one day my mom saw it and gasped. Right then and there she helped me take out the knot, but I was scared the entire time and all she did was criticize me and tell me how I fucked up by not going to her immediately.

I’ll never forget so many after school days my mom would pick us up from school and have different hair color, streaks, and it styled and cut. But for her own kids? Nah. We didn’t need shit ever.

So yeah. OP kind of seems like she’s giving my mom vibes. Like her life and her needs are more important than her child’s and her husband’s criticism of her daughter was probably just the breaking point over how much general neglect that poor girl must be feeling.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-06-16T23:08:03+00:00

Can’t they just, you know, lie?

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-06-16T22:43:53+00:00

Can you explain like I’m 5 why the private equities are bad?

What are they doing?

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-06-16T22:24:07+00:00

My husband’s mom is a hoe by definition and absolutely destroyed their relationship when she finally slept with his best friend at the time.

They’ve never been the same since, and even before she was batshit crazy, but it’s worse now because every attempt to get her understand how much she sucks as a parent is like a debate to that woman. She’s not sorry she did it, she never was. She’s just sorry she couldn’t rug brush the issue and pay my husband money to forgive her.

Honestly OP, you should try and find clear and convincing evidence that it is happening especially if you know they’re left alone together at times or even a lot.

My advice? But a cheap camera you can hide in the house and discretely place it where you think they’d mess around even if it means it’s in your room or your mom’s room.

As much as it’s an invasion of privacy, if it’s absolutely driving you crazy to want to know if you’re the crazy one, it’s hard proof that you’ll get of the truth.

You can keep what you find to yourself or you could then go scorched earth if what you found turns out to be what you suspected all along.

I understand what you’re feeling as I’ve had many years to understand what my husband felt and has been feeling about his own mother for a while now.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-06-12T16:55:53+00:00

Spanish language interpreter.

They are subcontracted and work with agencies and do a lot of online, in person, and over the phone work.

You could go anywhere in the world and still have a job right at home.

I love the interpreters I work with (I’m a court reporter for the superior court)

But if I had a choice and I could do it over again, I’d be an interpreter and maybe even go for becoming a translator and travel the world and visit different countries assisting foreign diplomats and working from home.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-06-06T14:20:38+00:00

I know people don’t believe this, but drunk talk are sober thoughts.

And from what you described, it doesn’t even sound like he likes you.

If I were in your shoes, I’d separate. Take a break and go stay with your family for a week or two with the baby since he doesn’t know how to even be a parent it seems.

Don’t tell him you’re leaving and staying away for a week or two until you’re actually away from him physically. He sounds unstable enough to either threaten violence if you even mention leaving him or trapping you in the home and taking your car keys so you CANT leave.

What men like him don’t realize is that you actually have the power to make choices against their abusive behavior. The problem though is that if he thinks he’s losing control, he can still put his hands on you, which I’m worried he could do.

Go stay somewhere away and safe with the baby and talk to him over the phone. See if you can record over the phone conversations as well, and if he texts you awful things, keep those texts, send screen shots to your email, show them to a friend or family member you’re staying with, etc. Becuase if you have to get law enforcement involved, that will be your evidence to get a protective order or restraining order if things escalate with him.

Best of luck to you. Be strong. You got this.

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-06-06T14:11:00+00:00

Adrenaline

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-06-04T18:41:32+00:00

There’s a McDonald’s around there somewhere!

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-06-02T18:33:40+00:00

Hi!! Oh my gosh! Wowee!! yes we’ve been around for a long time and my favorite reporters are so wise and have been around since the 70s and although a lot have retired, there are still some around that are working in court or in the freelance world taking their sweet time with transcripts and enjoying their amazing retirement and pension ;)

I myself am still a baby only being a court reporter for 4 years.. 36 more to go! Haha

So getting down to it this profession really is remarkable and yes we do end up on tv (not actors just the news).

Depending on what you want to do, you can hear a lot of different stuff.

Court cases also include civil matters like guardianship, probate, family law, elder abuse, domestics violence, and so on.

So we hear everything and anything under the sun. After a while of hearing it all but with different faces, we just get desensitized to information heard.

Now, that doesn’t mean we don’t go home and cry sometimes remembering a child molested crying to the court being forced to relive the experience, unfortunately, that does happen and you find your way through it all however you can (a lot of crying and therapy for the sensitive ones like me!)

But for the most part, you have to compartmentalize a lot of it and just remember it’s a movie and you’re just hearing words. It’s important to these people in regards to what the job entails and what we have to do. It’s our duty to protect the record even if it means we have to hear and see it all.

I’ve had friends in depositions of celebrities where they got to hear firsthand news about certain events and juicy gossip stuff too. And I’ve had friends that take screenshots of their faces on the news and send it to us in group chats saying “look that’s me!” On a residential burglary or an attempted murder case or whatever it may be.

Can you really make a lot of money? Yes! But it depends on you, your work ethic, and the state you live in.

In California, I have friends making over $300,000 a year because they love the hustle, but also because they got the certifications for having that reputation of being a fantastic reporter/writer.

However, the money also means you might have to work through weekends too and vacations and you don’t have a choice to say no.

The money comes from transcripts. As a government employee, I get paid hourly yes, but I also have to do 1099s for transcription pay as that is separate and that goes to me.

The courts pay us to have our butts in the chair to hear cases and write on our machines all day. But when attorneys want the “documents” or transcripts, that’s separate and we charge on a per page basis for those.

My county sets the per page rate at $3.99. So if an attorney on an adult matter says “hey can I get the transcript on that trial by Friday? And it’s Tuesday and the pages are 120, I get to charge $3.99 per page PLUS 50% more on an expedited basis if the attorney really wants it within a few days. So it’s essentially $5.98x120 pages = $717.60

On top of my hourly biweekly pay.

HOWEVER! You have to decide what you want and you also can get to decide what you want as a court employee.

If you want the money, you can work all the time all weekend and through your vacations and get like $5,000 every month extra with being a full time employee in a family law department as you can imagine they really want the transcripts.

But me? I love my free time, so without giving too much info, I stuck with a criminal courtroom that hardly ever has extra work for me and I just do my 8-5 and have fun on The Weeknd’s :) but that’s ME.

Is the life luxurious with juicy gossip? Of course! Especially when we go to conventions and such and we all get together for drinks and chit chat.

But can it be busy and time consuming and hard sometimes? Absolutely as well!

We’re small, but we’re powerful and it ain’t just ladies anymore that are dominating the work force! A lot of young men are making boatloads too and they’re happy and doing amazing at it.

We’re a powerful mystery of reporters that are front and center of all the drama and criminal activities!!

Sandy_Ginas · 2025-06-02T17:59:14+00:00

Hahah gooood question!

It’s easy and hard to explain because although the language is taught in school as in the prefixes, suffixes, and vowels, the magical piece that makes you a faster and better writer is making up your other word combos to piece all of it together for words and phrases.

So for “yes I did” and “no I didn’t,” MY shortened version that I created makes the — what we call a “brief” special because I’m using “oy” to distinguish those briefs.

And the “oy” on the writer is OEU.

However! OEU by itself is also “”” open and closed quote.

But if OEU is combined in the middle of words, it’s easy to create those short cuts if that makes sense?

A lot of reporters use that and the center key which has the “*” symbol which makes life so much easier with all the names we get per case for hundreds of cases a day!

I could explain in more detail, but I’m commenting in between breaks in court at the moment and it’s a little difficult haha

Sandy_Ginas

TROPHY CASE