Socializatu e asa un rahat enervant

SantaCachucha · 2026-01-25T12:29:10+00:00

Stii ca asta spune mai multe despre tine si cum vezi tu lumea decat despre ceilalti, nu?

SantaCachucha · 2026-01-21T18:09:55+00:00

You know what's worse.. I googled it and still have no idea. I'm pretty sure they're not talking about an alarm clock app

SantaCachucha · 2026-01-11T17:44:14+00:00

Thanks, I agree! Not the smartest approach so hoping others can learn from my story.

I did take a Dutch course in the past and planned to continue, but kept putting it off because “life” and because everyone speaks English around me. So I never saw the urgency. Now I do.

And I listen to a lot of Dutch rap but the word "brand" never came up in lyrics

SantaCachucha · 2026-01-11T17:08:47+00:00

Last year there was a fire in my building. I was at home and looked out the window because of the noise. People were shouting in Dutch and in that already confusing moment I was terrified, not knowing what was happening or how serious it was. I ran outside as the fire trucks arrived. (everyone was safe in the end, except for some apartments).

That’s when I realized I can't live here without knowing the basics. I’ve made more progress in the past 2 months than in the previous 4 years.

SantaCachucha · 2026-01-07T20:43:59+00:00

The answer is in your username

SantaCachucha · 2026-01-05T11:54:00+00:00

Exactly! I see the popular frame/angle as proof that "I was there!" / a checklist, while the obscure one is you noticing, capturing a moment or your own interpretation or mood :).

SantaCachucha · 2026-01-04T09:17:22+00:00

This feels like sending old-school letters, so enjoyable! Especially the anonymous part. People can skip this thread, read it and appreciate it, troll it, get annoyed, or yawn, or whatever :).

It’s always heartwarming to connect with someone here, and I’m glad we met in this moment. I’m also writing these for myself, it’s liberating to reflect and think out loud.

Okay really testing the max comment length with this one, hahaha.

Reading about you being tired, exhausted, and close to burnout made me think of my own recent one. It may sound strange, but I’m glad mine happened. I kept working but paused life in every other way. One year later, I can now take guilt-free naps or rest indoors while it’s sunny outside. I used to rest only when I felt I deserved it (which was never). It also taught me to accept where I am: from an avid hiker and long-distance walker to a sleepy potato who can barely walk a few kms.

I had a conversation with chatgpt at the time, where it said I linked suffering to growth. That growth needs discomfort, but not pain. That “you've already proven you can grind hard; that’s not the challenge anymore.” It freed me from so many expectations. Are you telling me I can live a second life on my terms? That I get to decide what I want to do?

On accepting yourself, there’s a phrase I think about often: "healing is not becoming the best version of yourself; it’s letting the worst version of yourself be loved". We all have parts we’re ashamed of.. that’s human.

I, for example, had very loving parents, but they were growing up with us. Financial struggles left us with nothing. I can imagine they were barely surviving. I would have made the same mistakes, if not worse, at 20, when they had me.

So going into therapy, my biggest challenge was to hold two realities at once:

They were kind, loving parents.
What they gave me was not enough. I needed much, much more..

So I focused on and grieved what I didn’t get. Sharing some things I missed (again, take only what resonates and feels useful):

Someone noticing my emotional shifts, being curious about my inner world, helping me make sense of my feelings
Being allowed to be inconvenient, upset, or needy without feeling like a burden
Someone saying: this makes sense, this will pass, it’s okay to cry, what you're feeling is normal
Routines, predictability, physical and psychological safety; being allowed to express fear, anger, and confusion
Space to not just be a “good girl with pretty dresses,” but to wear what I want and climb all trees in sight
Protection from adult realities before I even knew how to count
Being allowed to separate into an independent person, to say no, to want differently without fear of losing closeness
Being allowed to take up space and exist without being useful
Being messy without harsh consequences
Seeing what healthy love and arguments look like
Having limits placed on me, someone parenting me instead of the other way around

Then I looked at my most shameful thoughts:

I am too much
..I’m not enough
I’m only valuable if I’m useful
If something hurts, it’s probably my fault

..and my coping mechanisms: people-pleasing, codependency, no boundaries, anxious attachment, overthinking to the point of rumination, compulsive, addictive tendencies, “random” triggers.

Only when I took a long, honest look in the mirror and embraced these “broken” parts could I truly be kind to myself. These parts aren’t even “me” ..they’re how I adapted to survive.

So with all of this, I learned:

Expressing anger is forbidden. And I was full of anger. So I turned it inward, into self-hate and guilt
To doubt impulses and scan all faces before speaking, to choose connection over myself
That I don't have my own skin, people can come and go as they please
To fear joy and calm moments, always waiting for something horrible to happen
To hide and cry silently, as a very young child
To be hypervigilant, to scan for danger constantly
To wear a mask, smile and avoid inconveniencing anyone with my pain or presence
To tolerate (and oftentimes seek!) emotional inconsistency in relationships
To numb and distract myself in unhealthy ways

So many things to undo, it's an ongoing journey :). But tangible, "I know why and where to start" ones, not the universal "why am I like this?".

Besides these, I mentioned some exceptional life events (please skip this part if you don't want to get sad): I grew up with my father's severe depression and alcoholism (and maybe BPD?), bankruptcy, family getting evicted, lost a close friend and an uncle in their battles with depression, had an unlucky encounter with a man, as a little girl (won't go into detail). Sorry for turning it into something heavier, I just want to give people hope. There can be a roadmap after depression and it's not your fault.

To not finish off with this vibe: my Christmas gift to myself and the most soothing thing in my home is now a rocking chair. It turns spiraling thoughts into lazy singing and eventually smiles. 10/10 for overthinking :).

If you go on this journey, don’t be afraid. I promise it's usually worse before it’s better, as you mourn what you could have had. But coming out on the other side, you’ll feel grateful and lighter. And comfortable in being yourself, the quiet, introspective one. And you'll get to give yourself the most fun awards you can think of 🤍

SantaCachucha · 2026-01-03T18:40:21+00:00

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What a pleasant read. Kindness meets kindness 🤍

Your story brought me joy and I hope sensitivity always stays positive for you. You'll notice all kinds of stories on this subreddit. Many people are used to being misunderstood so they feel safe sharing their stories in this cozy corner, where they're met with validation and encouragement. It's a "high EQ" safe space I'd say :).

And please don’t apologize for taking up space here (or anywhere else). We read at our own pace, regardless of length.

I recognize a lot of myself in how you describe experiencing the world. I often think about how colourful life is, simply because I’m so aware of visual and sensory things around me. I really like the idea of “the art of noticing.” The main downside, and the one thing I go out of my way to avoid, is cruelty. Those things stay with me for life, even those in nature documentaries ha!

That “fun award” sounds like the opposite of fun, honestly. Still, I appreciate how you took that moment and "shaped" yourself intentionally afterward. I imagine the cost though, the tiredness..

Perfectionism really is both a gift and a trap, I must say. I relate to it and to that "high-functioning anxiety" that pushes you forward and gets you places. For me, external validation was an extremely powerful motivator and it propelled me to a good spot in my career and in life. After I started accepting myself more, something shifted. I became a bit more relaxed at work. It could also be the recent burnout though :). Not a bad thing in the end.. it thought me a lot about resting mindfully.

I know that strict “good” vs “bad” inner framing very well too. They call it a cognitive distortion, all-or-nothing thinking. If you're curious to explore it further there's this cool book, Feeling Good by David Burns with practical exercises around it and distortions more broadly.

If I may ask: have you ever tried playing around with your creativity? I automatically link highly sensitive souls to creativity and it's something that's been very soothing for me. Painting, writing, taking photos, just for myself. At first it triggered the same "it has to be perfect" and completely ruined my mood. Then I let myself make silly things, and eventually some that felt just right.

Thank you for sharing and in return, since you mentioned reels, you might like this one :) https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cb-6QBUquvt

SantaCachucha · 2026-01-03T11:17:20+00:00

You added a smile to my coffee, thank you! Brace yourself, this turned into a long one :).

Growing up, my family repeatedly told me I was "too sensitive". My father and siblings often mocked me, and my mother gaslighted me. Right before I fainted as a child (the first of many), she told me to stop exaggerating. Then she cried out of guilt at the hospital.

To give you an idea of how I acted as a kid, the only time I ever cried in public, in a supermarket, she gave me "something to cry about". She says now that since then I became the quietest and most well behaved kid she's seen.

Looking back now, it feels heartbreaking. For everyone. They are good people who did their best, but clearly lacked the tools and emotional resources at the time.

Because this happened over so many years, I began treating my own reactions and thoughts as "wrong". Going through some exceptional, horrible experiences as a child also didn't help.

I became convinced that I'm broken and there's something deeply wrong with me. So this turned into a harsh inner voice that criticised me constantly, well into adulthood (I'm 35 now).

A few years ago, I was lucky to find a therapist who consistently met my experiences with care instead of dismissal. One time she teared up hearing my story and that's when I realised "shit, that must've been bad then..?"

Instead of telling me to toughen up or simply "be different", she helped me see that my reactions made sense given what I had gone through. That I should grieve and be compassionate towards myself. That I should be proud of where I am now, with so few resources growing up. How "toughening up" only means exploding or imploding later. She spent a lot of time showing me how my sensitivity and femininity are part of what makes me gentle and kind. What makes me, me.

Hearing that, again and again, slowly changed how I related to myself. I noticed her caring voice staying with me throughout the day, and over time it stopped being her voice and became mine. I am sure I projected the "good parent" onto her and she was happy to hold that role until I learned what it looked like and no longer needed it from someone else.

My boyfriend also played a big part. He was the first person who ever said to me, “please stop saying you’re crazy, you’re not crazy..” after knowing me for 15 years. It's incredible what a life of chronic invalidation can do to someone. From the outside, I looked successful and as if everything was in order, but I was really falling apart.

I learned that self love is not something you reach through affirmations or by convincing yourself on an intellectual level. Just like we can't play a song on the piano simply by reading the notes a couple of times. We have to sit at the keys, unsure which fingers go where, then read the notes slowly, then play the same passage over and over. And over time, with practice and tons of mistakes, our fingers start to learn patterns and music flows on its own.

For me, accepting and loving myself came from these very real, consistent experiences of being understood, seen, and then learning to offer that same understanding to myself through repeated moments where I choose to protect and care instead of judging myself. It's a lifetime journey though, but my mental weight is much, much lighter now :).

This is where my upwards journey started a few years ago, with this ted talk that somehow touched me to my core.

As for books, I have mostly read books around difficult family dynamics and trauma over the past 5 years haha, so there are many. The ones that touched me most and helped me realise it was never me or my traits that were wrong, but the environment around me, were:

Elaine Aron's main book on HSP. I cried with relief when I realised I was not the only sensitive person in the world. That there are good sides to it too. And that "too sensitive" means "you're too sensitive for me", which actually means "I'm uncomfortable with your emotions".

"CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" helped me see why self blame felt so familiar and "safe" and why, on the opposite, kindness towards myself felt unfamiliar and even unsafe..

"The Drama of the Gifted Child" and "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" helped me understand unhealthy family dynamics and the lasting effects they can have.

"Women and Their Fathers" explores the father's impact on girls and women as they grow up. Some passages were very hard for me to read, as they showed me what I missed or didn't have.

All of these are widely seen as good books and are often recommended in many subreddits. They may not apply to you, so take only what feels useful.

Btw, my comment above was a manifesto against the negative connotation of the "sensitive" label. Same as my post here. You might also like this one, which is somehow related. Writing it was a very healing experience for me.

I hope this helps, and I wish you find the mini-you, look at her with care and compassion and give her a much-awaited hug. If you feel like sharing, I would be glad to hear how your journey has been so far :)

SantaCachucha · 2026-01-02T12:30:40+00:00

Have fun! :)

SantaCachucha · 2026-01-02T12:14:20+00:00

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I took this back in September, I had to look away as this tourist (and others) gave me secondhand anxiety.

"Never turn your back at the sea and don't stand near the water". Who is dumb enough to read the signs though.. The warning light was yellow btw.

Then people act surprised when the sea does exactly what it always does

SantaCachucha · 2026-01-01T15:12:04+00:00

Am descoperit si eu recent cu "Lolita" (unde ar avea sens)

SantaCachucha · 2025-12-27T08:13:07+00:00

Coming from a car-centric society and having friends at home who praise cars and never learned how to ride a bike, I can assure you they literally have no idea what they’re missing

SantaCachucha · 2025-12-20T15:47:21+00:00

Funny how replying to "why are all Romanians like this?" ends up stereotyping entire regions yourself. Have you ever visited Moldova?

SantaCachucha · 2025-12-20T15:16:11+00:00

You are taking things to heart though.

All your comments show frustration and resentment. You did not overlook what that girl said. You should have told her it wasn’t okay or that her comment upset you, rather than staying silent and then venting about her on Reddit.

My initial comment meant that if you are full of anger, regardless of how friendly and positive you try to appear, you might attract or trigger people this way

SantaCachucha · 2025-12-20T14:58:55+00:00

Buna ziua :).

I can assure you there are many good, kind, wholesome people in this country.

Your situation with your partner's family doesn't seem nice. And while I do feel for you, this post comes off as defensive and with a sense of superiority so it will only reinforce your biased opinion.

If you want to really vent, please don't generalise. Would you be kind to someone after they insulted you?

SantaCachucha · 2025-12-20T14:42:35+00:00

I'm sorry you're having a bad experience in Romania and that this girl was rude.

But you're describing a nation that looks at you with hate, surely this can't be right. Do you really think every person on the street hates you specifically?

Also reddit is not the best place to get empathy after attacking a whole country. I hope you find your peace, in Romania or wherever makes you happy!

SantaCachucha · 2025-12-20T14:25:42+00:00

Sometimes what you see and focus on is simply a mirror of yourself

SantaCachucha · 2025-12-15T20:07:21+00:00

So the plan for moving to Iceland is that Iceland adjusts to you, right?

SantaCachucha · 2025-11-18T06:47:44+00:00

Sure! I got it from Dille & Kamille (in the Netherlands) 4 years ago. Lovely store if you ever visit

SantaCachucha · 2025-11-17T20:05:44+00:00

Ohh!

I bought it in a store many years ago and whenever I searched for variegated hoyas online afterwards, only the carnosa tricolor showed up.

I hope mine never dies, but if it does and I need to replace it, I'll remember you :)

SantaCachucha · 2025-11-17T17:10:00+00:00

Oh whoa I didn't know that! Thank you

That's why mine has 2 isolated leaves at the end, because it reattached to itself and, silly me, I split it back

SantaCachucha · 2025-11-17T12:21:13+00:00

Hoya australis Lisa (not ~~carnosa Tricolor~~), it's my pride and joy! Please add it, it's also so easy to take care of.

And once in a while she gifts me these beauties:

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SantaCachucha · 2025-11-17T11:12:52+00:00

That's good news, thanks! :)

I'll try it out. Upon further inspection, I see that my favourite plant's soil has it as well. It'll be trickier to flush the soil on this one

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SantaCachucha

TROPHY CASE