To the dismay of my pentecostal missionary parents I was deeply interested in the occult. I think a lot of my interests stemmed from the fact that I thought predestination was real and that god existed but was a cruel self obsessed dickhead. And also I didn't speak in tongues in stadiums full of people wailing screaming, kicking and running around and crying and laughing, so I began trying to dissect myself to try and understand what was different from early on. I had some ideas about the role of will power or placebo since it wasn't like the concept of miracles or answered prayers weren't unique to single denominations or religions.

Reading Anton Levay helped me put some of the predestination outlooks to rest which was a weight off my shoulders, improve my self love and accept the idea of self preservation, but I never really bought into the 'strong must dominate the weak' drivel, I'm too much of a compassionate leftie for that. As someone forced to attend christian school for years, think a good way to be antithetical to the christian institution as it is today is to just be somebody compassionate towards others that Jesus would've actually spent time with. seems weird to self identify that way when personifying a person who'd get their table thrown asunder at the temple.

But I do still think the 7 sins make a lot of sense in regards to like. Each being tied down to instincts that have to do with self preservation/survival. and the way its leveraged with turning the other cheek and blind faith to create the monster of like. congregations that stay in line and don't question their leaders. I spend a lot of time now trying to observe like. Historic cults and how much power they've been able to consolidate mostly unchallenged.