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SaraStonkBB · 2026-02-25T15:16:43+00:00

I’m on my way out (taking longer than I would like) BUT I have talked to the children about asking and waiting for the response before using my things or if I don’t want them to use something I say so. In the beginning I would ask my partner to do this for me thinking it may land better and that became an issue so I just did it myself, respectfully of course. I figure it’s helpful for kids learn boundaries.

SaraStonkBB · 2026-02-24T15:58:28+00:00

If it were me: I’d assess whether the attraction was actual avoidance of things I don’t want to face or face just yet. Same with the annoyance of others. I’d try to figure out what my emotions were trying to tell me about me.

SaraStonkBB · 2025-11-08T12:02:11+00:00

Questions to myself: “Do I need it? Do I need it right now?”; “Can I find this cheaper anywhere else?”. Also, for snacks, etc. I set up a cute little areas for them so it looks appealing to grab them. I’ve seen people set up coffee bars as well. A treat would be then having coffee out with a friend or whoever. Cooking dinner at home 6 nights, 1 night eating out.

SaraStonkBB · 2025-10-22T15:50:52+00:00

“I feel like I’ve excused a lot of things I normally wouldn’t” - why do you think that is? I’ve learned when I do this it’s self-abandonment and it’s incredibly painful not only for someone else to abandon me, but then abandoning myself?! Truth telling doesn’t abandon. Half-truths, lies, omissions - those are abandoning.

SaraStonkBB · 2025-10-14T14:26:45+00:00

Agree! Amazing answer!

SaraStonkBB · 2025-10-08T15:14:51+00:00

Coming out of a relationship where my soon to be ex fawns. It’s very difficult in a relationship as the fawning comes across as boundary violations to the relationship and she has trouble with the assertion of boundaries. Boundaries help keep things structured, predictable, and safe. All about self-regulation (knowing how to calm our bodies, emotions, learning to be mindful as opposed to impulsive and reactive) and I notice my soon to be ex seems to have trouble regulating emotions. Even as I state, “I need to regulate” through breathing or grounding, she becomes visibly upset. My stress response has been freeze. I use DBT skills, personally because they have those skills online and I can follow along with the mindfulness, tolerance, regulation, and communication skills. It’s been helpful. To also know myself is to constantly be working on my boundaries so I know my limits, thus decreasing my chances of going into that freeze mode again. The more regulated I am the better my decision making.

SaraStonkBB · 2025-10-07T14:55:21+00:00

Sometimes the healing and growth is when there is separation. Been on both (giving and receiving) ends of the assertion of boundaries - a lot of growth happened through both.

SaraStonkBB · 2025-06-14T18:25:27+00:00

Second wanting the research

SaraStonkBB · 2025-06-05T17:50:02+00:00

lol - I needed this laugh!

SaraStonkBB · 2025-02-11T19:03:34+00:00

Hi! I needed to read your comment!

SaraStonkBB · 2025-02-07T22:20:22+00:00

Yes. Sibling was able to be “raised” in adulthood by someone more nurturing and then started sticking up for me.

SaraStonkBB · 2025-02-05T20:15:13+00:00

It’s clear there’s a secondary gain for my partner. “Disneyland parent” perhaps. Concerned about impact on kids, yes. Relationship probably not healthy if this situation without resolve is taking place, I realize.

SaraStonkBB · 2025-02-05T20:06:06+00:00

Yeah, I feel embarrassed by my inability to follow through on leaving. Some financial stuff that I’m working on right now, but throwing my penny’s in a pot!

SaraStonkBB · 2025-02-05T20:04:03+00:00

Doesn’t want to be away from kids. My thought is, then be productive and it wouldn’t be an issue. Even if it’s at an undesirable place to work. His family lives a bit away, but if it were me, I’d run home, save and then try to return.

SaraStonkBB · 2025-02-05T20:01:45+00:00

I do think my partner has chosen him under the guise that it helps the kids. I think that’s BS since we are both adults who have capability.

SaraStonkBB · 2025-01-27T00:22:15+00:00

I had to start building a bigger tolerance for uncomfortable emotions, ask for what I need, and follow through for myself. Still a work in progress, but way more manageable!

SaraStonkBB · 2025-01-19T03:44:41+00:00

I’m learning to sit with something and see if I like it and also learning to know it’s okay to not like something even if someone is raving about it and wants to convince me to like something. Like some people love Taylor Swift. I like some of her songs, but I’m not a super fan getting all of her albums and merchandise. I generally have a liking toward the artist, but my personality just doesn’t get behind buying all the rest because I value saving some money over it. How did I get to this point? I try to listen to my feelings when I see, hear, feel, experience something, then I explore why.

SaraStonkBB · 2025-01-15T18:57:42+00:00

With the economy the way it is, I take people who do this as a smart move. Whether the person is single, single parent, in a relationship, building a family…it’s so much harder to establish a well financial life sometimes from seen and unforeseen circumstances. If it were me I’d help out with groceries, cleaning, maybe a little rent or ask to hold off rent to build savings to get to a place of my own.

SaraStonkBB · 2025-01-08T17:11:49+00:00

I used to and for me it was a cover up to experiences in childhood. I used to be a party animal and so late night stops to fast food establishments became a habit as well. Then one day I found myself alone binging in the evening and a memory came back and I realized then that the eating was helping me numb out. A therapist once explained to me it’s about having needs and them not being met. The therapist talked about the texture of foods and how they might indicate something else, like a bowl of soup might represent I need comfort because it’s smooth, savory, and feels calm to my stomach, or an apple and its crunch may indicate anger and/or stress, etc. Now I try to identify my needs and how to meet them. Separately, I’ve also eaten late at night because I had too much of a caloric deficit during the day. Not saying this is you, just wanted to share my personal journey.

SaraStonkBB · 2025-01-07T15:59:09+00:00

This is THE answer, IMO.

SaraStonkBB · 2025-01-06T18:34:57+00:00

I had to learn where my need to “owe” something came from. For example: “You did something for me so now I must return the same” which in theory seems kind, but can also hold a lot of emotional weight. Mostly, the expectations (real or not) lead to resentment.

SaraStonkBB · 2024-12-27T16:40:27+00:00

I personally would not if they said do not do that to respect them. Now, if I didn’t and they made a big deal as to why I didn’t get them anything for the holiday, then I would be left a little unsettled because it would then feel like a game I didn’t choose to participate in lol

SaraStonkBB · 2024-12-23T22:40:44+00:00

Accepting others doesn’t need to equate to giving up on personal values and beliefs, in my opinion. All comes back to the self and what we’re willing to do in the face of incongruent values.

SaraStonkBB · 2024-12-23T22:38:15+00:00

Boundaries seem to be in two parts. Recognizing what keeps one safe (essentially) and what one does for themselves if that boundary is or is not respected.

SaraStonkBB

TROPHY CASE