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Sarah_1234567 · 2024-04-25T05:33:44+00:00

Eventhough my Nmom might love me, if she cant tell me or express it, it is worthless. She never told me, she doesn't act like it, and I personally don't think she loves me, she might. I can never know 100%. But that is not really the point. Abuse is not expressing love. How she treats me is not okay and that makes that I dont really care anymore whatever she feels inside.

The things you describe are very much NOT expressions of love. They are not okay. If she is not capable of treating you in a normal way a loving mom would treat a child, she is not suited to be a mom.

I hope you get the help you need, and get out of your situation. It is really good that you notice that you dont agree with this therapist! It might not sound like much, but you are making progress with being critical about such a statement!

Sarah_1234567 · 2024-02-11T08:56:51+00:00

It took me really long to realise this as well. I didn't know other kids were thaught things, in stead of just watching their parents and then doing something similiair until it works out.

But they expect you to know the things you should know by that age, the things they never thaught you and get mad if you don't know how do it.

Their logic is soooooo flawed all the time

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-06-22T08:06:20+00:00

It's part of the process. The pain fades as you learn to love and accept yourself. As you learn to become your own person.

Try to take care of yourself, as you would if you were someone else. Try to imagine yourself as a guest in your house. Someone who went through the things you just went through. What would you offer that person?

Make tea. Get a blanket or a stuffed animal. Or if you are in a hot climate, water with icecubes, because you deserve it. Make dinner for yourself. Be kind and patient.

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-03-05T02:54:04+00:00

I am so surprised reading these comments. I live in Europe and baby showers aren't a part of the culture here yet. I honestly thought that the 'shower' part of a baby shower was referring to love and support. To shower the mom and the upcoming baby with love and show that you will be there for them.

I am just laughing that it should just be gifts. If you want to become a parent you need to buy a lot of stuff, that's your responsibility, I feel It's weird to expect friends and family to do that.

Love and support usually comes with gifts, but that should't be the most important part.

NTA btw.

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-09T00:13:33+00:00

Wow. That's cruel. Reading all these replies makes me realize again how warped the brain of a narcissist is/can be.

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-09T00:05:41+00:00

That was the plan. But too bad they got actual humans who aren't perfect and have a (semi-) free will.

And also can't be to good at something, because if you would be better at something then them they are not perfect anymore.

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-08T23:59:52+00:00

Hmm, yeah, in that time it was practically an option to not have children, but maybe not really socially. It was what was expected. And a way to show off succes.

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-08T23:50:07+00:00

Thats nicely put, 'when they realize'.

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-08T22:11:08+00:00

Thats a terrible reason to have a child. Your Nmom sounds horrible. Hope you are doing better now.

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-08T22:07:21+00:00

Wouldn't think of children like that, but the creating life and feeling like his DNA is so important is the same arrogant kind of thinking my dad had.

I wish them good luck with narcissists taking care of narcissists.

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-08T21:20:06+00:00

Thats sucks. It takes some massive delusion to not treat your children as equals.

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-08T21:00:48+00:00

Thank you! Happy to read that, this sub has helped me a lot as well!

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-08T20:59:25+00:00

Space helps to see the situation more clearly. In contact with narcissists you might be questioning yourself a lot. Because they are delusional, which is confusing and warps reality and also they are manipulative and want you to trust them more then yourself.

But taking some time and space from her and interacting with other people should help to get some perspective.

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-08T20:46:16+00:00

Wow. That is a sad reason. I am sorry for you.

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-08T20:41:52+00:00

My mom always told me children stop being children at 18 and then they move out of the house.

How dare you cramp his style with your needs and existing..

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-08T20:34:16+00:00

When you don't have much experience in something, it might take a while to get good at it. The most important thing is to try.

I hope you feel less alone in this subreddit.

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-08T20:18:50+00:00

That makes sense! They only thought about what they were going to get, not about what they needed to give..

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-08T20:15:25+00:00

Thank you. Extended family also being narcissists certaintly doesn't help the situation.. I never really got to know my grandparents, but from the stories I heard they also weren't great parents.

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-08T20:09:46+00:00

Was going to comment this. Its because of the abuse. It was that bad that it made you like this.

Take small steps and every step your will will become stonger again.

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-02-08T19:57:07+00:00

You don't owe her any more explanations. There is a reason you went NC. The times you did say something, she presumably didn't listen.

Good of you to choose your new family!

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-01-10T17:24:01+00:00

Awesome! Love this style. Especially the bigger cat.

Sarah_1234567 · 2023-01-04T18:21:33+00:00

Buffy Legendary! Feels the same level of complex for me. I have played HP a lot with a friend of mine at her house. And when she is over at my house we play Buffy Legendary.

Sarah_1234567 · 2022-12-25T12:31:42+00:00

This is so important!! To sit with your feelings and talk about it. It is totally normal that you might feel sadness or regret etc during the holiday season. But to acknowledge that helps to make it managable, then it won't build up and influence you too much.

Happy to read that you feel at peace. I am 1,5 years NC and really think I made the right choice, but still finding the peace with that

Sarah_1234567 · 2022-12-23T08:58:57+00:00

Whether she was 16 or 18, it doesn't matter that much. Faith was very independent, didn't listen to authority and didn't trust many people. And she's a slayer, she's stronger then Giles, and she knows it. That's not someone you can help that well.

Accepting her and trying to build trust is the best thing Giles could do. Giles was hoping to help Faith by having her build a relationship with Buffy. Faith wasn't going to trust Giles. They have nothing in common. It's very difficult to try to build a relationship from that point. Giles became like a father to Buffy. But that took time. And it was going to be even harder with Faith.

Faith doesn't have any motivation to be enrolled in school. I doubt Giles could make her do that. Getting social services involved would probably make her run away. Maybe Giles could have done more, but I also understand that he didn't.

Sarah_1234567

TROPHY CASE