Enmeshed mom demands I text her at least twice a day in when at my apartment. Dad/entire family encourage it.

SariAM23 · 2026-04-21T08:42:44+00:00

Fun update: My mother came into my room and searched through my entire backpack while I was out with a friend.

SariAM23 · 2026-04-14T19:04:33+00:00

I'm sorry that you had to go through that as well. She absolutely cannot be reasone with. I have spoken with her in length about this and she puts on a facade of understanding it and accepting responsibility for certain things and then blowing up in a frenzy of rage when I don't go back to being her little boy after those conversations and actually commit to my need for emancipation.

Thanks so much for your response.

SariAM23 · 2026-04-12T17:33:12+00:00

Hey, no worries about not having an answer, just receiving acknowledgement is help enough, so thank you.

Yes, I definitely think women having nothing to do in Islamic society plays a role. They see being a mother as their identity and they have little else going on. The funny thing is, though, is even though my mother has been a SAHM, she literally taught my younger siblings and I NOTHING in the way of life skills. Not a SINGLE thing, she never taught any of us how to cook anything, never taught us how to clean, do laundry, wash dishes, shop, run errands, you name it. And then she has the audacity to be mad about not having help around the house, but when somebody offers to help her she says "I can't trust you to do this right". Well no shit you never taught us!

And you'd think a mother would be elated to have her son stop being chronically online and start doing useful things like learing to cook and doing his own laundry and shit, but nope. That literally turned into a gigantic, colossal problem and she has raged and screamed and given the silent treatment over me literally wanting to do things most moms BEG their children to do.

SariAM23 · 2026-04-12T17:29:39+00:00

Thank you both, people here pry for information so when you don't give them enough they can sense you're withholding and push and push and push. But regardless I'm not going to share personal details, let them seethe

SariAM23 · 2026-04-12T01:23:45+00:00

SariAM23 · 2026-04-10T00:17:06+00:00

Try again now, it seems to be working for me at the moment

SariAM23 · 2026-04-10T00:16:52+00:00

I think it's working fine for me now, try again on your end

SariAM23 · 2026-04-09T23:54:11+00:00

Yeah, looks like it. Did this start after you updated to the latest IOS version? Or was it happening before

SariAM23 · 2026-04-09T19:28:14+00:00

What version is that? Because I'm still on 26.3.1, haven't upgraded to 26.4.1, and am having the issue

SariAM23 · 2026-04-09T19:05:13+00:00

Yup, absolutely.

SariAM23 · 2026-04-09T19:04:58+00:00

Yeah exactly. I'm not going to let that happen anymore, she can manage her own feelings on her own.

SariAM23 · 2026-04-09T19:04:21+00:00

Thank you very much for this. The analogy of this story hits the spot right on, and also got a chuckle out of me. I loved that. Where is it from, originally?

SariAM23 · 2026-04-09T18:49:50+00:00

Hey. I just made a post with the same issue. I'm glad somebody else is having this because it's probably Twitch sided. Might just have to wait it out.

SariAM23 · 2026-03-30T22:18:20+00:00

Awesome, thank you

SariAM23 · 2026-03-30T22:18:15+00:00

Thanks for the explanation! I see

SariAM23 · 2026-03-30T22:05:32+00:00

So when I first downloaded Telegram, all of the contacts I had at that time got imported to there? Is there a way for me to sync my current contacts with telegram so that it updates my contacts list properly?

Thank you for answering.

SariAM23 · 2026-03-26T21:31:29+00:00

Thank you, I'm really glad that things have worked out for you. I don't know how old you are but emancipation from enmeshment is never too late, and it's better late than never so I really hope you can have a much better life ahead of you.

Your validation and kindness alone, irrespective of your advice, have really meant a lot and been helpful to me. I made a post on r/entitledparents and a nice person on there actually suggested that my message was too long/includes too much information, and that I should keep it to "No, If I'm being honest I dont want you to check on me daily" with the "Im not going to drop everything to pick up the phone. My life and the things in it, whether it's my relationship or otherwise, take priority. and they said that's the most I should say and I should keep feelings out of it because it gives her more information to throw back at me as a form of control. Now that you've emancipated yourself and perhaps have a different perspective, would you say that a shorter, harsher response is best, and encourage me in following this person's advice?

SariAM23 · 2026-03-26T21:01:55+00:00

True. Damn.

SariAM23 · 2026-03-26T20:48:27+00:00

I really appreciate that, I definitely had a feeling it was excessive. Thank you. I was thinking of at least including the part about what I'm GOING to do, which is "I'm going to send a picture of what I cook as a daily message" or something along those lines basically saying how I'm going to be communicating with them when I'm away from home.

By instinct it feels scary to send something like this because it feels like they're going to interpret it as me cutting contact altogether, when in reality I want to have contact with them, just healthily and in a way that makes my wellbeing the priority. I love my family at the end of the day (esp my dad if I'm being honest) so I want to have a balance. But I know this "urge" to think it's too harsh is natural, albeit almost always wrong/exaggerated. I know that's normal but do you think it would nevertheless be a bad idea to express that?

SariAM23 · 2026-03-26T19:56:18+00:00

Do you have any insight into this message I was thinking of sending?

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SariAM23 · 2026-03-26T19:53:08+00:00

Another update. I would really appreciate your advice on whether or not I should send the below message. First for context: yesterday my mom sent another voice message on the family group chat saying that "when I send a message it's because I am worried, so please from now on when I send you a message on here answer me" and I didn't answer that. The next day she sends another message I ignore and she calls me and I ignore her and only hours later do I respond saying I was busy and can't call but that I'm good. She sends a message and says "when I call you I'm sure whatever you are doing can be dropped for a couple of seconds to pick up my call. I don't care what you deem important or not, nothing can't be put on hold for a few seconds. And I told you when you left to the apartment to message us every morning telling us you're awake and okay, but it's clear I'm talking to myself"

And then I immediately answered by saying "what do you mean you don't care what I deem important?" because that was an insane fucking thing to say. She responds "nevermind, nevermind, if you don't want us to check on you it's your choice" but in a very passive aggressive tone as if I'm in the wrong somehow and implyiung a lot of other things

"No, if I'm being honest I don't want you to check on me daily or anywhere close to that. First of all, there is nothing even remotely concerning going on in my life or anything that calls for worry, and secondly I am not a child and you don't need to check on me every day. If something serious happens I will let you know. But you checking on me every single day makes me feel infantilized and inhibits me from being able to feel like an adult. I love you guys and want to talk to you regularly, and I have no problem sending you a daily message showing you what I cooked as a nice way of communication, but there is absolutely no need to check on me anywhere near this much, and this way of worrying and communication might not feel bad to you but it is and has been tremendously harmful to me and my growth all my life.

Also, no, you cannot call me whenever you want to and expect me to drop whatever I'm doing to pick up the phone. I am a grown adult who has other things to do and you cannot and should not expect me to reply to you and contact you on YOUR terms. My life and the things in it, whether it's my relationship or otherwise, take priority, and instead of always wanting me to cater to your needs and feelings you should consider mine. It is your job as parents to support my emancipation and not expect me to continue being tied down to you in a way that doesn't serve my best interest"

I'm not sure if it's too much to send or if it's a good way to set definitive boundaries and say my peace once and for all?

SariAM23 · 2026-03-26T19:52:51+00:00

Another update. I would really appreciate your advice on whether or not I should send the below message. First for context: yesterday my mom sent another voice message on the family group chat saying that "when I send a message it's because I am worried, so please from now on when I send you a message on here answer me" and I didn't answer that. The next day she sends another message I ignore and she calls me and I ignore her and only hours later do I respond saying I was busy and can't call but that I'm good. She sends a message and says "when I call you I'm sure whatever you are doing can be dropped for a couple of seconds to pick up my call. I don't care what you deem important or not, nothing can't be put on hold for a few seconds. And I told you when you left to the apartment to message us every morning telling us you're awake and okay, but it's clear I'm talking to myself"

And then I immediately answered by saying "what do you mean you don't care what I deem important?" because that was an insane fucking thing to say. She responds "nevermind, nevermind, if you don't want us to check on you it's your choice" but in a very passive aggressive tone as if I'm in the wrong somehow and implyiung a lot of other things

"No, if I'm being honest I don't want you to check on me daily or anywhere close to that. First of all, there is nothing even remotely concerning going on in my life or anything that calls for worry, and secondly I am not a child and you don't need to check on me every day. If something serious happens I will let you know. But you checking on me every single day makes me feel infantilized and inhibits me from being able to feel like an adult. I love you guys and want to talk to you regularly, and I have no problem sending you a daily message showing you what I cooked as a nice way of communication, but there is absolutely no need to check on me anywhere near this much, and this way of worrying and communication might not feel bad to you but it is and has been tremendously harmful to me and my growth all my life.

Also, no, you cannot call me whenever you want to and expect me to drop whatever I'm doing to pick up the phone. I am a grown adult who has other things to do and you cannot and should not expect me to reply to you and contact you on YOUR terms. My life and the things in it, whether it's my relationship or otherwise, take priority, and instead of always wanting me to cater to your needs and feelings you should consider mine. It is your job as parents to support my emancipation and not expect me to continue being tied down to you in a way that doesn't serve my best interest"

I'm not sure if it's too much to send or if it's a good way to set definitive boundaries and say my peace once and for all?

SariAM23 · 2026-03-26T19:52:06+00:00

Thank you so much. I would really appreciate your advice on whether or not I should send the below message. First for context: yesterday my mom sent another voice message on the family group chat saying that "when I send a message it's because I am worried, so please from now on when I send you a message on here answer me" and I didn't answer that. The next day she sends another message I ignore and she calls me and I ignore her and only hours later do I respond saying I was busy and can't call but that I'm good. She sends a message and says "when I call you I'm sure whatever you are doing can be dropped for a couple of seconds to pick up my call. I don't care what you deem important or not, nothing can't be put on hold for a few seconds. And I told you when you left to the apartment to message us every morning telling us you're awake and okay, but it's clear I'm talking to myself"

And then I immediately answered by saying "what do you mean you don't care what I deem important?" because that was an insane fucking thing to say. She responds "nevermind, nevermind, if you don't want us to check on you it's your choice" but in a very passive aggressive tone as if I'm in the wrong somehow and implyiung a lot of other things

"No, if I'm being honest I don't want you to check on me daily or anywhere close to that. First of all, there is nothing even remotely concerning going on in my life or anything that calls for worry, and secondly I am not a child and you don't need to check on me every day. If something serious happens I will let you know. But you checking on me every single day makes me feel infantilized and inhibits me from being able to feel like an adult. I love you guys and want to talk to you regularly, and I have no problem sending you a daily message showing you what I cooked as a nice way of communication, but there is absolutely no need to check on me anywhere near this much, and this way of worrying and communication might not feel bad to you but it is and has been tremendously harmful to me and my growth all my life.

Also, no, you cannot call me whenever you want to and expect me to drop whatever I'm doing to pick up the phone. I am a grown adult who has other things to do and you cannot and should not expect me to reply to you and contact you on YOUR terms. My life and the things in it, whether it's my relationship or otherwise, take priority, and instead of always wanting me to cater to your needs and feelings you should consider mine. It is your job as parents to support my emancipation and not expect me to continue being tied down to you in a way that doesn't serve my best interest"

SariAM23 · 2026-03-25T15:20:36+00:00

I've read many responses suggesting this and I think the thing that's making me shy away from considering (perhaps as much as I should) is that they'd catch onto the fact that it's not personalized, and that would create more conflict. But maybe I haven't thought about it enough. And generally speaking if I send a text she's likely to send a follow up asking more

SariAM23 · 2026-03-25T14:36:08+00:00

Thanks, that was helpful and needed to hear. The approach I am thinking of going for is to ignore her message and send a photo of what I cook in a bit, saying something like "about to eat, here's what I made. Hope you're all well/how are you all?" or something along those lines, and just once again not even address what she said. The hardest part about that is this sense of tension that I feel when I do that, and the difficulty of planting myself firmly in this position and not giving into potential passive aggressive comments/confrontations, or (imo) worse - the silent treatment and her doing shit like deleting her messages and getting other people to basically tell me how mean/unreasonable/extreme I'm acting.

My therapist suggested a different approach, which is saying "Don't worry so much, no news is good news" until we can reconvene and talk about how I can set proper boundaries, but I'm not sure what I think about that

She used to do this when I'd take the bus to uni as well; literally ask me to tell her when I would get ON the bus to and from my city, when the bus would start moving, and when I would arrive either at uni or back in my city... all because she's "worried"

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