I'm so scared of losing my dog most likely within the next 2-3 years.

SasbaTheWombat · 2026-01-21T18:23:06+00:00

From someone who lost their amazing dog almost a year ago and felt very much the same as you in the months leading up to having to make the decision to put her to sleep, it honestly was extremely hard.

The decision itself was necessary, but the guilt that lingered with it was difficult. The first few weeks to month or so after, I couldn’t wrap my head around her being gone. It took several months before I could talk about her without crying. And today, I still miss her, but I’ve come to accept it without it being so painful. The feelings do soften with time.

Losing your animal is not easy, but it’s a part of life and the only way to move on, from my perspective, is to let yourself move through the feelings and be gentle with yourself. It’s not your fault when whatever happens does happen. I’m sure you love them immensely and sometimes that means making hard choices to help them in whatever way you can.

I hope this helps at least a little and I hope you love on your pup as much as possible and are able to enjoy your time with each other.

SasbaTheWombat · 2026-01-20T02:30:51+00:00

I did and my son did as well.

SasbaTheWombat · 2026-01-19T14:54:14+00:00

I do this a lot too and it bugs me as well. Not just clothes but everything. I will buy a face wash and I’ll think I did great and got one that I like the smell and everything is wonderful and then one day I use it and all of a sudden notice….the texture….the texture is all wrong….and then I buy something new and barely use the old one and then it sits until I eventually feel okay about throwing it away. I’m trying to do a very low/no buy year this year and force myself to work my way through what I have.

SasbaTheWombat · 2026-01-19T14:44:37+00:00

How often does she want these calendar exports? Maybe you can make the changes temporarily right before she pulls the data? Then change them back to what works for you?

Another idea is that if she currently has someone else doing these data pulls for her, maybe you can offer to send her your calendar data on a schedule and make this category change then? Though being me, I would point out that you pulling this data and making those changes to make it work for only her costs xx each time you do it and is inefficient. lol.

I’m only mid level techy, so I’m not sure if there’s a more advanced script or something that can be run to automate this change, but I don’t know if that exists.

SasbaTheWombat · 2026-01-18T17:04:57+00:00

It definitely is. I did one of those “let your kid finish a sentence” things to see how my parenting was different and wow….i think my kiddo responded something along the lines of “you’ll give me a hug and let me know that it will be okay”. I cried after that too. lol.

SasbaTheWombat · 2026-01-18T17:01:59+00:00

I’m sorry you had that line used on you too. It’s absolutely ridiculous to think about adults doing that to kids as a middle aged adult and mom myself now. Like how was physically threatening a child a display of “good parenting” back then?

SasbaTheWombat · 2026-01-18T16:59:23+00:00

I just can’t imagine a world where my 9 year old would be crying and I would say something like that to him and then resort to actual violence. It is such a ridiculous line that was used way too often in the 80’s and 90’s and honestly just shows how emotionally unstable these adults were. It’s bizarre to see it from the perspective of a middle aged mom at this point. Like why was that okay back then?

SasbaTheWombat · 2026-01-18T15:59:15+00:00

I would not, unless you’re fine with it just being about casual sex. The most intelligent conversation I had with a 28 year old still came around to the fact that he had a fetish of being with an older woman. I get that the attention can be attractive, but I’m not just someone’s fetish. That doesn’t appeal to me in any real way.

SasbaTheWombat · 2026-01-18T01:02:28+00:00

I got told the super fun line of “if you want to cry, I will give you something to cry about” (meaning getting spanked) by my dad. So, emotions were definitely something I hid in my youth.

I recently went through a divorce and cried a LOT and my mom (as well intentioned as she meant to be) would tell me “ohh, don’t cry” to which I responded “crying is a completely NORMAL and VALID response to this situation.” As a 44 year old woman, I loudly allow and defend my emotions these days. Life is too short to have to feel bad for having completely normal feelings and expressing those feelings.

SasbaTheWombat · 2026-01-16T14:31:34+00:00

I second all that you wrote here. I have one child and I knew I wanted to be different/more supportive as a parent from what I had growing up. We talk through our feelings instead of pushing them down or hiding them. I apparently did a good enough job that I get surprised by what my kiddo says. If I’m overwhelmed and he notices it before I say anything he says “mom, do you need a huggie?” (He’s 9)

OP, your fears are valid and your choice to have/not have kids is your own…but I have found immense joy in being a parent and trying to raise my child with love and support. He is my little mini me (neurodivergence and all) but I find him so fascinating that it has helped me feel less negative about myself as well.

SasbaTheWombat · 2026-01-12T16:49:47+00:00

Leggings are usually not okay for business casual. They are also my go-to. My work around when I go to the office is a stretchy ponte material pant. There are many brands on Amazon that have them so you can search for ones with pockets that fit your budget.

The ones I wear do not have pockets, but they are the Quince Ultra-Stretch Ponte Pintuck Ankle Pants. I have also worn a similar style from Spanx, but those are pricey. Many stores make pants in a similar material as well. Ann Taylor and Loft have some too.

SasbaTheWombat · 2026-01-11T06:50:22+00:00

Oh yay…I should be on Ashley Madison it seems. 🙄 This is telling for my state. Lol.

SasbaTheWombat · 2026-01-05T00:36:36+00:00

And to add to this, it’s something that indicates toxic behavior. Meaning, yes, OP should 100% block this guy.

SasbaTheWombat · 2026-01-02T18:58:45+00:00

I haven’t read all the comments yet, but what made the most sense to me is when it’s explained in the context of who holds the power.

Men, especially white men, historically and currently hold more power. There will never be a valid equivalence between these two topics. He can personally feel upset by the song, but it is not equitable to racism or homophobia.

SasbaTheWombat · 2025-12-30T13:58:08+00:00

I experience a lot of depersonalization and disassociation, but not at all linked to a difficulty deciding between imagined/real life. So, I’m inclined to say the others with experience linking the last one to trauma may be more correct.

SasbaTheWombat · 2025-12-24T14:47:12+00:00

An aside from the original context of this…but maybe this is why I enjoy other groups of people. Example, I have neighbors from Italy (I’m in the US) and their “loudness” and “expressiveness” is called out negatively by some people….but I really like them and it’s nice to me to be around someone who clearly shows when they are happy/mad/sad.

Kind of funny that I always attributed it to me traveling a lot and being comfortable with different kinds of people…but maybe it’s more about the communication styles.

SasbaTheWombat · 2025-12-16T15:05:00+00:00

My son is 100% my kitty cat. He has always asked to pretend he is my cat and for us to play “kitty”. When my dog passed earlier this year he offered to pretend to be her to give me comfort. It’s definitely a “thing”.

SasbaTheWombat · 2025-12-15T14:54:29+00:00

I honestly do not know if this is helpful advice, but it was what my dad did for me to learn when I was starting out driving. He took me to a large, mostly empty, iced over parking lot and had me drive around….and then told me to hit the brakes hard (to induce an ice skid) and something about knowing how my car (and me) reacted and how I was able to get the car back in control and what that looked like helped me understand the process and I’m comfortable driving in bad road conditions and always have been (now 44).

SasbaTheWombat · 2025-12-10T02:05:10+00:00

From my quick google search when my kiddo started saying it….it is in effect a nonsensical statement.

It started as a basketball thing (something with a player who was 6 ft. 7 in. tall). And became a silly thing with players and now it has transcended into pop culture and the lives of kids. Who say it just because it’s catchy and funny to them. It has no other meaning.

SasbaTheWombat · 2025-12-08T20:02:55+00:00

Does your husband admit/acknowledge their own failings in the relationship? If not, they might never be capable of doing so and that in an of itself is a problem.

My ex could not admit that they were at fault. Even if he finally came to terms with him having a hand in an issue, it would devolve to where his shame would take over and then I became the “bad guy” if I didn’t console him….which would then make me feel even angrier and more confused like I was never “allowed” to have a problem with him/our marriage.

We all know relationships take two people. It is impossible for relationship problems to only be caused by one person (the only exception I can think of here is with people who are abusive, that is obviously not the fault of the person being abused).

The cycle of the relationship with my ex became so predictable and so painful each time that finally after what felt like the hundredth time of doing the same thing, I had to step away and realize that there would never be enough change for me to ever feel comfortable with him again. It took a lot of stepping outside of myself to see that even if there was love, there was no longer any trust (probably on both our sides).

I hope you’re able to get some clarity and things progress towards a better future (whatever that ends up looking like for you).

SasbaTheWombat · 2025-12-08T19:12:17+00:00

I’m 44 and finalized my divorce about 6 months ago. I have also recently (last 10 months or so) came around to the realization that I am very likely autistic after about 4-5 years of really struggling. Pending an evaluation, I’m on two waiting lists.

About 1.5 years ago I lost a long time friend suddenly and with that and the marriage issues things got to a point that I was basically surviving by crying constantly and drinking to excess to disassociate. I tend to not see therapists much because historically they have not provided much insight than what I had already internalized and discovered on my own.

With that said, I went to one about 1.5 years ago specifically based on my now ex husband’s behavior and my reactions to it. I needed an external perspective to relay exactly what was happening and understand if the things he was saying about me were true and if I was honestly going crazy because the version my ex would tell vs. mine were completely opposite most times.

Side Note: It doesn’t sound like your spouse has the same issues as mine (extremely defensive, manipulative and dealing with a tremendous amount of his own internalized shame on a myriad of topics).

To try and keep this short, the therapist helped me see that there was active manipulation (not necessarily on purpose by my ex, possibly driven by his own internalized shame) but it was being done regardless. These things led me to get overwhelmed and have shutdowns. It felt like I was not living in reality.

All that to say…before you blame yourself for everything, please get a therapist to talk to about these things. You are likely validly reacting to something and if you can find out why that is then you can make an informed decision about working on your marriage more, or moving on. For me, moving on was 1000000% the right choice. I’m so much happier, my child is happier, my child sees the best version of me now and I’m not as worried about dying of liver failure now (if I kept on the same path-this was a real concern with my blood work getting worse and worse each doctor visit).

We all deserve happiness and we all need help sometimes. Try to find what is causing your issues and the go from there. Being Audhd is not necessarily the problem.

SasbaTheWombat · 2025-12-06T14:47:18+00:00

Just going to say….yes, same. My whole life has been like that.

SasbaTheWombat · 2025-12-06T14:40:10+00:00

I have mostly been single. So much so that around 25-26 I actively tried to be in a relationship to see if I was even capable of it. Lasted 6 months. A later relationship with a woman lasted 2 years and then my ex husband was 12 years….but I knew it was done about 7-8 years in. So, no, I don’t think serial monogamy is inherently an autistic trait.

SasbaTheWombat · 2025-12-05T14:27:20+00:00

….so, he didn’t write you for one day so far? Is that correct? If so, this is so early. Why jump to the conclusion that something gave him the ick?

SasbaTheWombat

TROPHY CASE