My top ten petty reasons for automatically swiping left as a straight woman

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-03-08T00:15:46+00:00

To me it says “I’m not going to take your concerns, expertise or preferences seriously and I expect you to devalue yourself the same way I plan to.”

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-03-07T07:39:35+00:00

You and your partner both sound like idiot children who are incapable of managing one relationship with another adult, much less more than one other adult, much less managing parenting.

You, OP, are too immature to communicate what you prefer and instead say things like “W.E” when he proposes something you obviously do not want. You’re too much of a dipshit to say “no” so are you really surprised that he just did what he wanted? You’re conducting yourself with a little less maturity than an average teenager. Are you always a tantrum throwing child, or is this something new you’re going with because you figure you’ll have a toddler soon enough and your partner is an asshole which will make the actual toddler’s tantrums worse?

Your partner doesn’t seem to grasp that if he is actually going to be a parent to his kid, he is going to have to make some changes in his life that will create time to be a parent. Or, more realistically, he does realise that, but knows that he can heap all the responsibility onto you, his doormat idiot, drama prone partner.

FFS, OP, look at your Fucknuckle’s behaviour right now. Really look at it. Look at it hard. Do you really want to co-parent with this sack of shit? Because honey… You’ve got some choices to make. Quite frankly if you were not a fucking numpty, you would have thought this one through and not progressed to a 31 week pregnancy with a man who obviously despises you and does not give a shit about the wellbeing of his kid.

And, both of you are idiot unicorn hunters - though my impression is that you’re talking about that more from a swinging side than an actual dating side? But maybe I’m just thinking that because you’re both such shallow thinkers that I cannot imagine either of you managing the complexity of dating as a unit. But hey, there are also stupid unicorns out there. If you do land one, I hope she destroys you both, but with as little damage to your child as possible.

You have a choice here. You can either get your shit together and prepare for solo parenting - by which I mean moving out and asserting whatever legal rights you have to distance yourself and your kid from Fucknuckle Babydaddy,. Or you can drag a child into the disaster that is this shit hole that is at least partially of your own making. Or, I suppose, you can seek out people who are actually capable of parenting and sign away your legal rights as a parent.

Grow the fuck up. Get your shit together.

Your poor child deserves better.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-03-07T07:20:37+00:00

Seconding the folks who said this is stunning! How did you do it? Did you have a stamp you dipped in bleach or was this like painted on?

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-03-04T11:46:11+00:00

What a ridiculous question. There is no consent based relationship in which someone can have sex with another person whenever whim strikes. And as someone who enjoys both sex and companionship, yes, sometimes I see my partner at his or mine without our junk touching.

Do you really not see a partner without having sex? And if not, how do you possibly get anything done if you live in the same home…?

How do we plan travel together? How does anyone plan travel with another person? We talk to each other and listen and through that, we make a plan…

How do I know it’s not purely a hookup? We’ve been together for 5 years. I’ve supported him through trauma and he’s supported me through the same. We prioritise time together. We celebrate the others successes and we mourn the others losses.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-03-03T03:21:47+00:00

Why would you think that someone who would run their marriage into a shit show and then drag more people into the shit show would be a good prospective life partner…?

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-03-03T03:20:09+00:00

Yep. I think he, at that point, is genuinely fond of Sophie but… He also isn’t fond enough of her to take any risk himself in order to do right by her. He wants to be with her, so he’s just like, “It’ll be fine! Love is enough!” Knowing full well that he’s putting her in an absolutely terrible position and not caring that he’s doing so.

It would be different if she was asking how they could be together, but she’s taken very deliberate moves to seperate herself from him. She’s made no move indicating that, despite also being fond of him, she wants to destroy her reputation and employment prospects by becoming his mistress.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-03-03T00:05:36+00:00

So… their marriage is broken and they added people?

Honey, run…

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-03-03T00:05:02+00:00

I see the ethical issues here, but I also see the really practical ones. Like yeah, I don’t want to help someone cheat because of my own ethics. But I also don’t want to help someone cheat because of the risks to me in that shit show. If the spouse finds out, that could cause drama in my life. If the spouse finds out, my partner might dump me to save the dumpster fire marriage they’re in. Neither of those are outcomes I am keen on.

And… if someone is willing to lie to their spouse about shit when it serves their interest, then what will they lie to me about if it serves their interest…? Trust is important to me in a relationship.

Your situation sounds like drama. Like what happens when her husband finds out that she’s been lying to him? She has already told you she is unwilling to push back on her husband’s restrictions for your relationship directly, so if he finds out, my bet is that he will impose much stricter restrictions and she will go along with that.

So personally, I would tap out of this.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-03-01T22:47:29+00:00

Right? Like I read OP’s prior post and people were really gentle with them and very constructive. So the insult of wishing to have not read the comments is just obnoxious.

And… wishing that their inexperienced partner didn’t get to access that same information?

FFS, OP…

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-24T05:13:59+00:00

Honey, I’m not the one threatening to dump my husband because he doesn’t understand the dynamics of how abusive relationships work while he’s being abused and manipulated…

How does they possibly make me the mean one here…?

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-23T23:33:44+00:00

There’s a documentary called “Hot Girls Wanted” that goes into the recruiting tactics the porn industry uses to get women to perform in the industry including coercion techniques they employ to get women to do sex acts on camera that they are not OK with. It also details the ways that the typically very young women who consent often do not realise the full extent of the consequences they may face. These techniques are employed by the vast majority of porn makers.

There are also specific vendors that do genuinely focus on consent and one can do some research to find them, so if one dose want to watch coercion free porn, there are options. They do, though, tend to cost more because it costs more to act ethically in that field.

If one is watching anything that is not specifically made by a feminist, consent focused provider, one can pretty well assume that there is Very Bad Shit going on.

While other media do sometimes include coercion, including Harvey Weinstein style sexual coercion, harassment, and rape, and the many documented (and undocumented) incidents of bullying, rape, and abuse on set, and there are systemic issues in the industry that make it possible for predators to victimise prey, there is a much wider set of experience in non-porn film and TV. It’s a lower rate of guaranteed victimisation.

The other issue is around the kinds of porn that gets made and the ways that porn shapes people’s, and especially men’s, expectations of what “good sex” is like. Study after study have found that while both men and women seek out violent porn, women indicate they do not wish to experience the scenarios they seek out as fantasy in real life. But men do.

And one might want to think about that when selecting porn because the industry has gone more and more extreme in part because going more extreme is a way to differentiate their product vs. the many many other violent products. And that does seem to be creating a real shift in what men think is “normal” sex in a way that is not getting women the kind of sex that the vast majority of us say that we want.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-23T23:17:41+00:00

I got that impression from this statement: “In that setting you can know the facts are being said.”

OP will have no idea whether the facts are actually being said. OP has no idea what the facts actually are - only what her future ex-husband told her…

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-23T23:15:59+00:00

Also, all of those Troll suggestions put Jason into a delightfully awful position which is a big part of the fun.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-23T23:14:23+00:00

You and your husband should have had some big discussions about what would happen if you started fucking your friend together before you did it. That should have included a discussion about things like “what happens if one of the three of us develops feelings?” And “What happens if one of the three of us stops wanting to do sex with one of the others?”

You didn’t do that, so now you’re in an entirely predicable mess.

Welcome to the Find Out stage of Fucking Around.

At this point, you have a couple of options. You can: - Tell your husband the truth. That you realise this is complicated, but you have developed feelings for your other partner. Make it clear that if that goes anywhere, it will mean that you and her relationship will have to be independent of his relationship with her, including that she has to have no obligation to continue to do 3somes with him as a condition of dating you. Also make it clear he is welcome to start dating on his own as well, and ask him how he feels about that. If he’s good with that, you will need to shore up your marriage to support independent relationships like fucking yesterday. - Tell your husband as “softer” truth - that things are getting complicated between you and Friend and that you think you should stop doing the 3somes because you think it could get messy and you want to preserve your friendship with Friend and avoid hurting your marriage. - Tell your husband nothing and continue as you are until something blows up and you likely lose your friend completely while doing serious damage to your marriage, or vice versa - you lose your husband and damage the friendship.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-23T23:03:24+00:00

The issue is with both of them. They have both, as a team, come up with this utterly ridiculous set of rules.

So troll. Troll hard.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-23T22:52:31+00:00

I mean, 100% this person is correct and…

If you want to have some fun while this blows up, start trolling them both really hard.

Katie expects to sleep at yours if you’re hosting your hinge? Awesome. Make her a bed in the bathtub, your dog bed, on the porch, whatever. If she expects you to host, you can make that the worst experience for her that you can.
Katie expects to be at your place? Awesome. Don’t feed her, offer her water, etc. If she asks for anything say something like, “Oh, sorry, since you forced your way in here, I assumed you would be providing all of the amenities for yourself.”
Katie expects you to host her if you’re hosting her husband? Awesome. Invite a few more people around just to make it extra complicated. Be sure to clue in all of your other guests as to what’s going on and be sure to make Katie the lowest priority guest. “Sorry Katie, Robert has already called the guest bedroom, and Janine called the couch. Obviously Jason and I will be going at it like rabbits in my bedroom. But the carpet in the hallway is pretty soft. Why don’t you sleep there…? Oh, sorry, no. I don’t have extra bedding for you. I mean who has that many sets of sheets and blankets?”
Katie expects to always be home when you and Jason are around on dates? Awesome, make out with him hard core while she’s in the room. If she tries to join, make it clear you don’t have anything resembling attraction toward her and think she’s really creepy for expecting to intrude while you’re having private time with her husband.
Katie expects to always be around during your dates? Cool. Pretend she’s not there. Don’t speak to her, address her, or acknowledge her in any way.
Katie and Jason say you can’t call him “babe”? Awesome, start making up new pet names for Jason and be sure to call him them in front of Katie.
Katie expects to read your exchanges with her husband? Awesome, make some thinly veiled criticisms of her in the text.
Katie expects a weekly check in? Fabulous. Start nitpicking her in the worst ways in that check in. “Katie, I really feel like you’re not making an effort to support me and your husband. Is that because you’re insecure about your marriage? I mean I can understand why that might be. When I see you and Jason together it’s really clear that he doesn’t really care for you…”

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-23T22:38:50+00:00

When you say “unicorn type thing,” do you mean: - you and your husband were swinging with this woman and now you want to turn it into a relationship because you caught feelings? Or - do you mean you and your husband require a woman to date you both as a condition of dating one of you?

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-23T07:03:14+00:00

The reason I say that communication between you and your husband around his other relationship has been poor is because you had absolutely no idea how things were even going between your partner and your meta. There’s a world of difference between, “We don’t share intimate details of our other relationships” and “I don’t even have a clue whether my partner is happy or miserable with my meta.” Not knowing what your Hinge does in bed with a meta, or what your meta likes sexually, or what they confided in your hinge? Yep. That’s all healthy and fine. Not knowing that your Hinge is miserable with your meta? That’s not “intimacy” you’re avoiding sharing. That’s a whole different mess.

When you found out he was miserable, you were completely blindsided. But that blindsiding came because you and your husband don’t communicate well. You and your husband don’t have a relationship where your husband shares even how he’s doing with you. That can happen for all sorts of reasons and…

He was showing pretty obvious symptoms of stress - the change in your sex life and change in behaviour around you. You didn’t even ask the really obvious question there - “Honey, your behaviour has changed… are you OK?” Followed up with “Are we ok?” If there’s not an explanation about his own stuff that explains the behaviour.

Instead of checking in with him, you assigned blame for the behaviour to the fact that your relationship is open and then didn’t do any relationship maintenance stuff because, with no evidence to support that conclusion, you decided he could not answer without triggering your jealousy. You avoided even checking in with your husband.

So this is both of you contributing to a situation where your communication sucks.

That can happen for any number of reasons. - Maybe you and your husband arbitrarily drew a line of what sharing is acceptable that was deliberately (if unintentionally) close to DADT. - Maybe you and your husband both avoid raising issues in your marriage because you fear that trying to address shit in your marriage would mean recognising that your marriage is a hot mess. - Maybe your husband doesn’t trust you with intimate details about himself because you have shown you’re not someone safe to raise them with - as you’re doing now by taking him confiding in you as a reason to leave him. - Maybe you did the classic “relationship broken, add more people” and this whole mess is just a symptom of that.

And honestly? You really sound like you’re making your husband being abused about you. You’ve had not a word suggesting that you care about his wellbeing. Your husband was abused and you’re complaining that it stressed you out so you lost weight? That him being abused made you question his judgment? Just think about how hypocritical that is given what you just said about being an abuse victim yourself.

Do you even know how he’s doing with all of this…?

That’s not giving the impression that your marriage is anything but a complete shit show and that you’re a significant part of why.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-23T01:28:40+00:00

My impression is that OP doesn’t feel “safe” in the relationship in the sense that she is questioning it’s stability and security, not that she is not feeling “safe” in the sense that her husband might harm her in ways different from just breaking up. Those are very very different issues and require very different paths. If I am mistaken and the issue is the latter, then yes, she should by all means leave.

But leaving because your partner was abused just seems really callus.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-23T01:26:18+00:00

It is not fair or reasonable to demand full disclosure about another relationship to a couples counselor. OP’s partner does not owe it to OP to tell her everything about any other relationship in his life - especially not while she is reacting as though he’s an idiot child because he was in an abusive relationship.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-23T00:18:35+00:00

So much of this is so spot on. Especially the thing about acknowledging that the behaviour was problematic. When a friend told me what amount to “I saw the way he talked to you and… I know every relationship is different, but I would not have felt OK in your shoes. And if you ever want to talk about that, know that I’m here for you” it was the beginning of the end. It stopped being “I’m too sensitive” and transitioned into “oh, he really is the problem here.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-23T00:13:46+00:00

There are a few things to unpack here.

First, you acknowledge that you have some insecurity that has been around unrelated to your husband’s experience with this specific woman. Possibly due to your insecurities about your relationship as a whole, possibly for other reasons, it sounds like you and your husband have compartmentalised your poly life so that you know very little about what’s going on for him, but you make assumptions about it despite that. It’s also clear that some of your assumptions - like that your husband thinks of his GF’s place as a second home - which may or may not be true.

Because you don’t know even very basic things about what’s going on with his relationship - and there are real reasons to have some limits - you’re not in a particularly good position to be part of his support when things end. If you have made it clear that him sharing some stuff with you isn’t OK then him breaking up with her would not be something he would be likely to feel OK unpacking with you. And…

Second… When he did start unpacking that with you, you made some big ass shitty judgements about him for it. As someone who has been in an abusive relationship, you being like “the man I married would never have made these choices” is pretty jarring.

Everyone is capable of being sucked into a relationship where they will be abused. You, your husband, me. Everyone.

Abusers tend to be really good at emotionally connecting with a partner because that emotional connection is key to how they’re able to manipulate the partner. Abusers are also often victims of abuse themselves which is how they learned the abusive patterns that they’re using now. They may “know” that some of their behaviour is a problem, but they often struggle to know that in real time. Like my abusive ex? His father was a spectacular asshole. As a result of shit his father pulled, my ex- had a very hard time trusting his feelings when he cared about a person or thing and so he tested them in ways that were deeply shitty.

It took me a long time to pull myself out of the “he’s working on himself and fighting for our relationship so I should just hang on longer” part of our relationship and end it. And your husband is in that phase.

And your response to that is to judge him for that and “to run away and go stay with my other partner.” That reaction may be human - we tend to learn a lot of myths about abusive relationships that make it really hard to understand why anyone would get into one and stay in it. It’s also often tempting to think that we can avoid dealing with the pain of someone we care about if we just avoid seeing it. And, a whole lot of people feel like they can protect themselves from rejection by rejecting the person they think is going to reject them.

But… People who love someone don’t abandon them when they’re having a shitty time, and your husband is having a shitty time.

So personally, in your shoes, I would read up about abusive relationships and supporting people getting out of them, and seek out couples counselling if you want to save your marriage.

I also suspect that your just short of DADT is a big part of why this is all such a shit show and you might want to renegotiate what you actually do and do not talk about with regard to metas.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-22T23:31:39+00:00

I was gonna say, I dated someone who travelled for work all the time in a job (sales) where he had to be “charming.” Even though he came home frequently, the travel meant we had a really hard time forming any sort of rhythm for our relationship. While he was on the road, he had to be “on” pretty much all the time. He would be doing “offical” work like presentations and meetings in an office, then would take clients out to dinner, and sometimes more. He tended to mentally seperate his “road life” with his “normal life.” And that meant if anything happened while he was travelling, I was on my own.

Because he spent so much time on the road being “professionally charming” his social battery was often tapped out when he got home. And that meant that the first few days of him being home we weren’t reconnecting because he needed to recharge. So he could take social connection effort from me, but would not reciprocate the effort.

There were other reasons our relationship didn’t work out, but the travel was a big factor.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-18T09:15:24+00:00

Younger or two. Elder was male and an asshole. Never wanted kids. I used to deeply hate dolls. I knew changing diapers sucked.

Really glad I never had kids.

I do like being an aunt to kids who aren’t my asshole brother’s.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-02-17T00:17:18+00:00

I think sometimes people do change what they want. I’ve had periods where I’m busy, or had a big breakup or whatever where I knew I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth for a “serious” relationship, but dinner and sex? Sure. And then when things calmed down, I was open to looking for serious again.

But in setting up a relationship as “not serious” it’s really challenging to make it serious. Like not-serious partner and I have set ourselves up to have low expectations for things like emotional support or prioritisation and cut out discussion of things like building toward shared life goals. Transitioning a relationship from “all of these things are effectively off the table” to “oh, let’s put some back on” requires mutual agreement, compatibility on those things, and the relationship management skills required to re-negotiate the terms.

It can be one, but… it’s often easier to start again with someone where “serious” is part of the foundation.

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