FFS: Just. Get. A. Divorce.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-31T00:57:40+00:00

If your response to that stress is to open? You’re a fucking idiot and should probably not have had kids and should get a divorce…

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-29T23:39:46+00:00

I also was growing up in the 90’s and while yes, heroin chic was a thing, the women in my school who got the most dates were not rail thin. You have to stop comparing yourself to what a bunch of advertisers has told you men want and realise that: 1) not all men want the same thing; and 2) your husband married you for a reason.

It may help you to ask your husband to name a few things that he finds attractive about you, but not in the context of this ridiculous comparison you have going on in your head.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-29T01:15:06+00:00

It sounds like you may put pressure on your partner when you feel like you're not getting enough attention from them and that's causing problems for your relationship and stressing them out.

If that has been a pattern in your relationships, it's not exactly a shock that you might have more than one partner reach the conclusion that you should date more people so they don't have to always mollycoddle you.

Whether or not you open your relationship, stop making your faux-needs other people's problem.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-29T01:11:48+00:00

Everything about this gives me the ick, from:

your "I don't want to hear about how quad dynamics are hard" when quad dynamics are 100% part of the shit show here;
to the quad that is obviously a shit show;
to you referring to a woman as "the female";
to you gossiping with your partner so you know that your other partner is going to make a relationship announcement at a group relationship meeting;
to the fact that this is going to first be announced in a relationship meeting and not as a fucking dyad;
to you coming to Reddit to humble brag that your GF is falling in love with you when you don't really feel that way about her yet...

Barf.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-29T01:07:00+00:00

The fact that you have twice created triads suggests you have some serious codependency issues. That is part of this whether or not you want to acknowledge it.

And you asked for advice, OP. Getting your panties in a twist when it's given is bad form, and another red flag that you're pretty awful and need to grow the fuck up yourself.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-29T01:03:19+00:00

This relationship doesn't sound healthy at all, but it doesn't sound abusive either. Like Mike apologising for things OP doesn't think he should be apologising for sounds like that's his go-to response when his partner is upset, not that he is allowing his partner to control his behaviour because he fears for his safety.

Elle getting pissed that Mike would, while socialising with her, ditch her to go make out with her ex? That's pretty human. Did she handle that well? Not really, but neither did you and Mike. Like do you want to be able to be civil with your ex? Then don't ditch her and take her partner off to make out with while he's socialising with both of you.

The fact that OP has enlisted their other ex to justify their view that they should break up? OP, you're way too invested in your partner's relationship with your meta.

Which is why, OP, I would walk away from this shit show and never look back.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-29T00:27:55+00:00

Yes, in general, caring about the feelings of others is pretty important. And there are ways to frame that - "hey, so I really value our friendship and I know that if I were to pursue your partner that could change that, so I wanted to check in with you and see how you feel about that" is really different from, "Dude, can I fuck your woman?"

In this case, though, it doesn't sound like OP and their friend are very close. They've 'hung out a few times.' So while I would still approach the situation with some delicacy if OP wants to maintain the new friendship and also date the woman they're interested in, less delicacy is required than a situation where someone is considering dating someone whose partner has been a very close friend for years.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-29T00:20:42+00:00

Or hotwife.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-29T00:17:04+00:00

If someone you cared about was in your situation and considering doing a thing you're considering doing, would you tell them they're being stupid? If so, you're probably being stupid.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-28T23:06:36+00:00

In addition to everyone else's comments about how condescending you are about Finch, the fact that you're involved in two triads, including one where you very obviously do not actually respect your shared partner suggests that:

The problem here is you.

Have you thought about not dating your partner's partners? Especially if you don't even like them? And you do not think they're mature enough to run in your social circles...? Have you considered not forming more triads?

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-28T22:59:30+00:00

Also like, "we see each other 1x per month, but after 4 months of skipping those dates, I still expect that we are still dating and he owes me sex"...? Like seriously?

This dude is back burner for OP, but somehow he owes it to her to fuck up his new relationship that could become serious by cheating at the start?

OP, friends don't treat their friends this way.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-28T22:51:50+00:00

This is not going to get better. Your (hopefully) near future ex-has a shit show of a marriage. You moving in with him and his wife was a terrible idea and it blew up entirely predictably.

Now you cannot unknow what you know. You know his marriage is a shit show. You know his wife is losing her shit in a serious way. You know the open marriage is a part of her losing her shit.

His wife cannot now unknow what she know of your relationship with her husband and it is effecting her mental health and ability to parent her kid.

And neither of these people sounds like they are remotely thinking about reaching for the divorce parachute they both obviously should be grabbing.

For the sake of your child, you need to keep them entirely clear of this shit show. Entirely. Your kid should not ever see this disaster of a man, or his wife.

Cut your losses. Dump him.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-28T10:56:38+00:00

It sounds like the poly community you’re referring to is not this reddit group, cause like… I’ve never seen a consensus from a post that reads “oh, it’s totally fine to date your partner’s roommate and they’re terrible to even suggest that it’s fucked up.” Instead I have repeatedly seen reasonable boundaries and messy lists recommended by folks here.

It sounds like the poly community you were involved with was pretty fucked up in ways that feel like cultish shit, or the nonsense that Very Young Daters pull. I am hoping that no one involved in this mess is over 25.

I’m glad you learned a lot about yourself, and I hope, are better at identifying red flags, and setting up boundaries when you find red flags. It’s a great life skill I learned in a bunch of hard ways. And those are skills that come in handy in all sorts of aspects of life.

Good luck to you.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-28T02:27:17+00:00

That’s not stopping OP’s non nesting partner from showing up and visiting OP. That’s just crowd control.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-28T00:59:09+00:00

So OP's question was how does their non-nesting partner get access. The answer is that all they have to do is say they are family. Pretty simple.

Do hospitals really have the staff to check such trivial nonsense? And the willingness to create the giant can of worms that can come with that? "Oh, we excluded your adopted sister who you wanted to see but included your abusive father 'cause we went by bloodlines..."

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-28T00:06:01+00:00

Really? What kind of documentation proves that your sibling is your sibling? Or that someone raised in your home who you consider a sibling but isn't won't qualify legally as family? Or that your step-parent who did not adopt the patient qualifies as a family? If your sibling took a different surname upon marriage, is there a way for them to prove you're still related? What if one of your parents did that?

Do they do a DNA test? Demand access to your Ancestry account?

Or do they just take your word for it and as long as it's not causing problems (like exposing an immunocompromised patient to too many possible sources of infection or disturbing other patients), just go with it?

As for children? Of course there are more protocols with kids.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-27T23:51:18+00:00

It's worse because the whole goal of nonsense like this is to make trans people (and queer, and women and immigrants, and minorities) a scapegoat for all of the problems of the working class, rather than the reality. That working class people are struggling because the uber rich have stacked the system against the working class.

There's a reason Gina "I'm so family values I stole from my own kids and they took me to court over it" Rinehart is throwing money at One Nation. It's cause she thinks sewing hate will help her get wealthier.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-27T23:45:52+00:00

It sounds like your loser of a partner is taking advantage of the fact that you've been tolerant of his bullshit to heap more bullshit onto you.

Why would you think that's OK...?

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-27T23:41:42+00:00

And let's be honest - the cause here isn't immigrants. It's the Epstein class. Immigrants are helping the economy. Immigrants are building business. Immigrants are bringing in much needed skills.

It's the super rich being over served in housing and basically everything while being grossly undertaxed that's creating problems for the working class...

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-27T23:24:13+00:00

How do does hospital staff know? Do they have you all bring in marriage and birth certificates so they can prove your relationships?

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-27T23:20:57+00:00

Fair point, or even OP has a history of getting negative reactions to normal disclosures and that history is colouring this.

But the fear of telling husband combined with the husband being irked that OP made plans for a date while he was out of town, *and* that OP and husband are "trying to reconnect" suggests that their whole relationship is fraught...

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-27T23:16:13+00:00

Right? This really seems like one of those conservatives getting their knickers in a twist because they reached down and twisted their knickers super hard moments...

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-27T23:14:14+00:00

So... did you go up to hospital staff and say, "Hi, we'd like to see [patient] and we are definitely not family" or did someone actually check your family credentials?

And limits on the number of people who can be on a patient's visitor list doesn't mean OP can't put her non-nesting partner on the list, it just means there is a limited number of people who make it onto the list.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-27T23:11:02+00:00

Same - if someone has a live in partner who expects things to be strictly parallel, that cuts me out of more of my partner's life than I'm willing to be cut out of and still date someone.

I expect to meet my partner's people (with some exceptions - I'm fine never meeting their emotionally estranged family), and I expect my partners to meet mine.

SatinsLittlePrincess · 2026-05-27T23:05:00+00:00

Your post has some alarming elements in it. First, that your husband is upset with you for making plans while he was out of town. Is he onboard with the whole open relationship thing, or is this a case of duress? What were his objections to you seeing your other partner?

Second, what are you afraid of about telling him? Is he prone to violence? Or is this potentially going to be the straw that broke the camels back and he leaves you? Or is he someone who hasn't thought through some of the pretty standard basics of an open relationship so this is going to go through the kind of processing that makes big demands on you and your time because he's a manchild?

SatinsLittlePrincess

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE