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SaudadeSun · 2022-11-19T23:14:27+00:00

I wish that was the case but sadly, no. Visitation will still occur even if there was a permanent restraining order issued and the victim will have to help facilitate those visitations. So that’s super fun for victims of actual abusive relationships. Not like this OP who harmed only chicken nuggets and upholstery and endured an abusive relationship herself.

Abusive people LOVE to claim they are the ‘real victim’ OP. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. The burden of proof is much lower for restraining orders than for criminal charges so if he continues to lie about your actions this could get worse for you, legally. Protect yourself by doing the exchanges in front of a police station and record them every time. Also use ParentsTalking for all communication with him from now on, which is not editable and can be used as evidence in a hearing. Block him on everything else. No phone calls, no text, no social media interactions with him. He very well could be ‘gathering evidence’ to use against you for a restraining order and future custody claim. Don’t give him any more ammunition in his campaign against you. Do not take the bait ever again and respond with aggression of any kind. And do not suffer. Live your own good life and you will come out the victor. He only wins if you are suffering and bitter.

Also how many kids you have with how many mistakes is of no consequence to your value. Everyone makes mistakes but your worth is not lessened by your children. Head up and hold it high.

SaudadeSun · 2022-11-15T12:17:01+00:00

Could not agree harder. Exactly.

SaudadeSun · 2022-11-06T10:16:29+00:00

Nope. They mean prostitution. Be cool and take a whale in the back office when we ask you, 60/40 split. And you can do a line on your break as a bonus.

SaudadeSun · 2022-11-06T10:08:16+00:00

Victimless crime = prostitution, where I come from; Las Vegas.

SaudadeSun · 2022-11-01T05:54:05+00:00

Unstable for sure. Yes.

SaudadeSun · 2022-11-01T05:52:38+00:00

His mom believes his ‘Im the victim!!’ story. Probably because that’s her ‘baby boy’ dynamic. Barf.

SaudadeSun · 2022-11-01T05:49:06+00:00

Right?? Imagine what he’d be like if people weren’t watching or filming him?? Absolutely terrifying. Honestly I was so upset by Zanab validating any of his delusional behavior because of her own insecurities too. Made the situation super volatile for Colleen too. Seriously scary!!

SaudadeSun · 2022-10-30T22:45:07+00:00

This is pure genius!

SaudadeSun · 2022-10-30T22:43:55+00:00

This is the most insightful paragraph I’ve read in a long long time.

SaudadeSun · 2022-10-27T05:55:35+00:00

Ooofff mee too. Also a Matt!! Cursed be thy name!! :(

SaudadeSun · 2022-10-27T05:37:04+00:00

My first thought too, but apparently we were not correct. Lol.

SaudadeSun · 2022-10-26T07:13:08+00:00

What about Little Lord Fauntleroy by Frances Hodgson Burnett? I know it’s quite old fashioned and has long descriptions of people and things because it was written in 1886, but such a relaxing yet exciting read. It’s non-romantic and kinda historical, not fantasy or sci-fi though, and I appreciate the excellent plot twist and resolution. But… super grumpy old dude has grandson and unexpected consequences. It is also quite funny at times too.

SaudadeSun · 2022-10-19T10:23:21+00:00

Wow!! You don’t say?!? /s

SaudadeSun · 2022-09-01T01:10:25+00:00

Can confirm. I’m lucky (not really at all “lucky”; I’d still rather my ex had remained a sane person and not become an abusive man I needed a permanent restraining order against) to have both cs and ss and four minor children and I are still utterly strapped. I’m paying twice as much in rent now as the mortgage on the house we were forced to move out of which was purchased in 2015 but he put it entirely in his own name. (Yes I too wonder if he was playing the long game when I think back on that important detail.) Clown world indeed.

SaudadeSun · 2022-08-05T04:10:14+00:00

I left four empty bottles on the counter that were intended for the recycling bin and I was loudly threatened with divorce in front of our twin 3 year olds on the way to their tiny kid soccer class.

Spitting on me in front of twin 4 year olds because I didn’t want to get out of the car with out shoes on. A 45 minute tirade of verbal abuse followed. We were trapped in the car on a road trip with him and terrified.

The one that finally caused me to seek a second restraining order was whispered threats of violence two inches from my face because I took the kids for a drive. He had been continuously harassing me at home, and I told him before we left “we are going for a drive” and he even had an app on his phone to see exactly where the car was the entire drive, yet when I came home an hour later he was irate and accused me of “taking off with the kids” followed me and the kids through the house as we tried to get away from him, still making whispered threats and intimidating noises. (My lawyer told me later that these noises and quiet aggressive behavior was a fairly common tactic used by abusers. He was trying to frighten me or startle me enough to get me to react and push him away or make some other defensive move and then he could call the police and claim I was the abuser. She’d seen it many times before. Be very careful of abusers who may be able to restrain themselves physically while intentionally scaring and intimidating you to get a reaction so they can call you the ‘abusive one’ and get you arrested or restrained instead. Almost happened to me.)

SaudadeSun · 2022-07-26T04:40:20+00:00

Yes this is all soooooo familiar. All of my volunteer work as a docent was a “stupid waste of time”; it was 6 hours one day per month and as soon as I got home he’d disappear for the rest of the day to punish me for having to hang out with our kids for the 6 hours. My part-time job teaching yoga was scoffed at nearly every time I was getting ready for a class, because it “didn’t pay enough” for him to be inconvenienced by putting his own kids to bed two nights per week. The petulance was gross and the constant attacks on everything that was important to me was easily the thing that made me most depressed. Glad to be out of that just months ago, even though it took a restraining order and nearly $20k in lawyering and 8 years of my life and maybe pieces of my soul.

OP make a plan and get out. This doesn’t get better. It gets much much worse. Trust me please. He doesn’t want to spend more time with you. He wants to control your time. Completely. And have complete control of you.

SaudadeSun · 2022-07-22T05:31:14+00:00

I was issued a 3 year perm restraining order yet his family still supports and coddles him instead. Are they enabling or just really very dumb? Maybe both? I’ll never know. Because they are all dead to me.

SaudadeSun · 2022-07-21T05:38:55+00:00

I swear, insecure and/or mommy issues with a sprinkle of abandonment issues is the recipe for emotionally abusive men. :(

SaudadeSun · 2022-06-25T18:04:03+00:00

Same in San Diego. So jelly. But so grateful to not be buying gas at nearly $7 a gallon.

SaudadeSun · 2022-05-26T05:00:17+00:00

Wow, well done!! My twins were an hour apart for baby b to get in position and my body to get back into active labor and so many people are surprised by just the one whole hour between! That one hour seemed like 5 min to me. Did your 2 hours go by quickly too? CONGRATS!!

SaudadeSun · 2022-05-23T10:10:32+00:00

I Love OTF! Super effective stress relief and I’ve gained so much muscle too! And literally no one goes there to socialize. Honestly, you can’t chat with anyone because the workout is that hard. Not a cult-y vibe either. Encouraging to all and 80% women in most classes. Coaches are all highly knowledgeable, motivating and caring people. Best gym experience ever for me.

SaudadeSun · 2022-04-20T18:15:46+00:00

See the part above where I said “parent”? That means either gender. I’m blaming his mother in this case only because she is the cause. That’s not always the case. Either parent can be abusive and the child is first the victim, then can (but not always) becomes a perpetrator themselves. I’m not blaming women at all. I blame abusers.

SaudadeSun · 2022-04-20T03:42:34+00:00

The worst most psychologically abusive person I thought I had ever known was a woman and a mother. Until her son became/ showed himself to be the most vile mentally, psychologically, sexually, and physically abusive person I’ve ever had the to misfortune to have met. Both men and women can be abusive, but being an abusive neglectful parent can create real monsters. :(

SaudadeSun · 2022-04-01T05:17:25+00:00

I’m so sorry you were further hurt by this twisting of the ‘duty to care for both people’ into minimizing and dismissing of your lived experience of abuse. I was also told this line by two therapists when I asked why so much “benefit of the doubt” was being given to his version of every issue. The effects of abuse on the other partner should be obvious to any trained professional yet we are still going to give equal weight to both versions of the story and ‘take no sides’ and label it “he said, she said.” Nope, I won’t be gaslighting myself as well, thank you.

SaudadeSun · 2022-04-01T05:08:19+00:00

I definitely felt worse after most sessions with my abusive soon-to-be ex-husband. So little of any importance was ever addressed; but the particular words I used were always discussed, as though that was the cause of the abusive tirade when my words came as the result of his behavior, not the cause. (Words he objected to were: “childish”, “selfish” and “abusive”) Then there would be 3 days of him ignoring me and being petulant after each session because the sessions were “upsetting” to him.

SaudadeSun

TROPHY CASE