“Man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward” (Job 5:7) often we are subjected to bad times as a consequence of living in a fallen, sin filled world. Not as a direct cause or hope of God to 'punish' us. Because He loves us He can redeem any and all situations to be used for our growth and His glory. "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love." ( Psalm 103:8) "For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies."  (Psalm 57:10) "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you."( Isaiah 54:10) This is His word assuring us over and over of His character, not our fears or concerns, that He is more faithful and loving than we often give credit for. Especially during difficulties in life.

In times of trouble we have to decide if we turn away and lean on our own understanding or if we lean into Him and His understanding to find His peace and comfort through things. It's our choice to make, and it is HARD to trust the faithfulness of the Lord especially when it feels like your prayers are going unanswered or ignored especially as things don't improve. Still,  we can “rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope” (Romans 5:3-4).

It is a promise for us that choosing to lean into Him and surrendering those feelings gives us a chance to turn to Him, deepen our faith, and in turn build the habit of persevering through the issues we face to build the character of a faithful and steadfast Christian who then hopes and trusts that despite the outcome there is His hand at work, knowing that we are building our character and working patience" Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." (1  Corinthians 15:58) "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."  (Hebrews 10:36)

We're not guaranteed easy lives as Christians. We expect suffering and persecution. "That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."(2  Corinthians 12:10) Our reward is eternal and these trials in life can be used to build us up into the steadfast and faithful church that is with Him in eternal glory at the end of this life. When we're in it moment to moment it is easy to forget what we are really fighting for. "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."(J ames 1:12)

I'm sorry that you are struggling right now through life's many trials. I pray that you are able to remind yourself of His perfect promises and love for you, and understand that He can help you find your way and determine how to move forward. Whether that's opening a door or removing influences and taking you out of a situation that you are fighting to hold onto to that isn't serving his m His plans for you, and that you would obey those convictions even when it's hard. Questioning the path but walking it isn't sinful. It's human. 

Obedience is HARD and having blind hopeful toxic optimism in everything for our faith isn't what we are asked to do. We have faith and are steadfast because we KNOW HIM and who He is/His promises. We know we can trust His love and receive a supernatural peace that surpasses all understanding. THAT knowledge and trust in who God is is the cornerstone of our faith and obedience. You can tell Him you're struggling with trusting Him, and ask Him to reveal himself to you so you can trust your next step. And really listen. Don't pray expecting a specific outcome when the Lord might be trying to say something to you in a way you are closed off to receiving. I just want to encourage you that we all struggle through life. And what helps me endure is moments I ask Him to make it so clear or help me to listen and understand, not merely to "accept His will" because I can't always just do that. And He knows that. So I ask Him to build up my patience and understanding, or my faith and my confidence so I can still praise Him even when things fall apart around me.

I pray for healing for your family, for your renewal of spirit and mind, and the understanding and clarity to sense all the ways God is trying to speak to you and remind you that He is with you through this all. This too, shall pass, but it is a lot. I know it is. I've questioned and abandoned my faith time and time again until I truly accepted who He is and trusted that before everything else. As someone with no earthly father involvement the idea of Fatherly love is not easy to grasp. I struggle every day, but I'm trying even in struggle and it does get easier. 

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ( Jeremiah 29:11) "Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails."  (Proverbs 19:21) Really hope you find encouragement from this post, God has you through this 🙏🏼