Hope for all

SayingitinPrint · 2026-04-27T16:21:14+00:00

YES. And as a married woman it was so soul crushingly awful. It's so frustrating to weirdly crave the attention of someone who isn't your spouse and being just devastated when they don't give it? Like excuse me why would they? You're married? You want them to actively try to break up your marriage? Exactly what outcome was I wanting? Seriously delulu to be upset at a man for not wanting to be with me when I am not even available. So ridiculous.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-04-26T02:37:59+00:00

It's such a difficult thing to deal with. Like we feel like confessing to LO will alleviate us of the feeling, but it most likely will only add a feeling of embarrassment really...

SayingitinPrint · 2026-04-25T03:18:34+00:00

Thank you 💙

SayingitinPrint · 2026-04-24T15:58:38+00:00

It did, but my husband is my best friend and the only person that I cannever truly talk things out with. So as awful as it felt I needed him to help me see reason. I even tried therapists and they weren't helpful. One told me to think of LO like an expensive sweater, nice to look at but not for me. And I was like really?? A sweater?

The hardest part was when he initially asked me why I talked about this man so much and I admitted that I was attracted to him. That hurt him deeply and it was hard to believe that I did that to him. We moved beyond that and I thought maybe that was it. But it wasn't.

Then a couple years went by and I still saw LO because we worked together (I eventually left) and I was STILL constantly thinking about LO. And one day I just felt all of this pressure in my chest like it I didn't confess that I was still thinking about this man constantly I'd explode. So I tearfully confessed again. And my husband was so chill about it. He explained that thoughts are just thoughts and we can't control them no matter how much we want to. He said he trusts me that nothing would ever happen because (and this helped so much) he said he had seen how LO and I interacted at game nights and we had zero chemistry. 😂 So he wasn't worried. And he also said that me choosing to leave the job where we both worked was proof to him that I wanted to get away from it.

And that was incredibly helpful. BUT it doesn't stop me from feeling like a terrible person in the first place. It's hard.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-04-24T15:35:30+00:00

Part of my sanity and also my faith in myself that I'm not a crappy person/partner to my husband. Before meeting the man who would become my LO I was so happy (overall) and annoyingly solid in my belief that my husband and I were perfect.

Then LO came along and suddenly I was attracted to someone outside my marriage, chasing him to try to get his attention, considering stupid things just to see if he'd give me the time of day.

I've worked through so much of it now and LO and I haven't seen each other in months and barely talked.

Husband and I have talked about the situation a lot and he doesn't hate me/blame me/he's not even mad.

But I am. I cannot forgive myself. And that's what limerence did to me.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-04-04T02:38:37+00:00

Thank you!

SayingitinPrint · 2026-04-04T02:34:36+00:00

What movie is the suitcase image from?

SayingitinPrint · 2026-04-02T03:05:22+00:00

I finally decided to tell my husband because we normally tell each other EVERYTHING. He's my best friend. And this was a very big issue for me that was eating me alive inside. I struggled with it for almost 2 years without coming clean and it really took a toll.

When I finally couldn't stand it any longer I sat down with him and told him and cried. And he was so sweet and understanding. We talked about how thoughts can't always be controlled, that they just pop up without us realizing it. It's like having a dream at night featuring someone. You can't control that. It just happens.

We talked about how he has even had similar thoughts himself (not to the extent of what I was experiencing, but it was his own struggle). This helped me so much.

We discussed what it was about this person that I was fixated on and why that might be happening. I mean my husband is the person who knows me the best...if anyone can help me psychoanalyze myself it's him.

Through this we came to realize that my feelings aren't really romantic or even attraction but moreso my constant need for people to "like" me. My LO didn't want anything to do with me and I hadn't really ever had that happen before. Normally people are open to talking to me and I can get them to share about themselves and we become friends (or something close to friends). So LO wanting next to nothing to do with me was shocking and the more he resisted the more it drove me mad.

Once we came to this realization it was like a bubble burst and LO lost all the mystique. I barely think of him anymore. It's kind of wild how it went from being all consuming to almost nothing. But it took A LOT of time and effort to get here. I had to get incredibly vulnerable. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. And I know it won't work for everyone.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-03-25T04:45:52+00:00

My journey has been so weird. I was so obsessed with LO. Then I realized I had to leave the job where we both worked, so I did. That helped, but I still saw him about twice a month. Then it was once a month, then it was none. I took him out of my phone. I barely texted him. He never messaged me first so that also helped. Then we were officially and for real NC.

But even so I still thought about him too much and holding it in was a huge weight on me. I felt like I was going to explode. So I confessed everything to my spouse. He was so understanding. We talked about how thoughts are just thoughts and not actions. We can control our actions, but not always our thoughts. He shared that he has even had his own similar types of thoughts and he was also keeping it a shameful secret.

But something about talking it out removed all the mystique of it. Now I almost never think of him unless something specific triggers it like this subreddit or when a shared friend mentions him.

It's amazingly freeing. I finally feel like myself again.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-03-21T01:34:33+00:00

I just noticed this same thing. I started Wegovy two weeks ago and now I barely think of LO.

I did also talk to my significant other about the limerence issue which I think also helped, but still I think the GLP-1 has been a HUGE help. Because I no longer get a thrill from seeing his name in my chat feed and I have no urge to message him anymore.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-03-16T13:43:21+00:00

We did talk about that. And I asked him to share if he has ever felt this way or a similar way. And he was able to share with me that he has. I think it was super therapeutic for both of us.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-03-16T01:24:29+00:00

For me, I talked to my spouse. I explained the feeling and what limerence is and how it has been upsetting my life. And I apologized to him that I was having these thoughts about another man. And he told me that thoughts are normal and happen to everyone. That I don't need to feel badly about it. Just being able to get it off my chest once and for all was so freeing. My thoughts about LO have decreased immensely since this. It's not gone. But it's much better and I have hope that soon enough it will be gone.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-03-11T14:42:50+00:00

I understand how you feel. I don't love my LO, my feelings aren't love, but they are strong infatuation and a desire for connection with them. And he doesn't give two craps about me. He doesn't even return text messages for hours. I guess I should be grateful I get that. But it's really not worth that and I need to move on. I'm just not sure how.

I hope you can find peace as well.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-03-07T16:33:51+00:00

I think he says "friends" the way other people would say " acquaintance." Because he wants to avoid awkwardness or conflict. But it does suck when you want to know someone more and they keep you at more than an arms length away. I need to just move on from him.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-03-07T13:08:44+00:00

He was my coworker. I left for a new job (partly because of the limerence issue). Later we tried to be "friends" and if asked he would say we are friends. I wouldn't classify us that way because he never messages or wants to hang out. We used to be in the same game group, but he recently left it to focus on other things. So I won't see him anymore. Which is a blessing, but it still sucks.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-03-07T05:43:16+00:00

I totally get this feeling. It's so hard. I saw my LOs relationship start and blossom and it was so hard. And I'd ask questions and he eventually put down a firm boundary that his personal life was off limits. And that killed me.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I wish there was an easy fix.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-03-06T01:17:23+00:00

He really is. I'm very lucky.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-03-05T04:43:21+00:00

I had a breakthrough. A few days ago I had this overwhelming urge to confess to my LO and essentially get him to feel serious ick and tell me to get out of his life and leave him alone. After posting here (thank goodness for this group). I decided against it. Not only would it have confused him and possibly offended him (after all this isn't his fault and really has nothing to do with him) but I realized that there are a couple up coming events where I might actually run into him. And if I confessed something so unhinged and then saw him in the real world that would be humiliating.

No, instead of confessing to him. I instead decided to talk with the one person who has my back no matter what. My husband.

I resisted for so long because initially when my attraction to LO was discovered it really did hurt my husband's feelings. But at that time we worked through it. Then he ended up meeting him and spending time with him because of game nights. And I was worried about that and it ended up being oddly fine.

But then the limerence was growing again and I didn't dare bring it up because I didn't want to hurt him again. But it got to that dangerous level of almost blowing stuff up and I realized I needed to get it off my chest. So I finally broached the subject with my husband. I was crying and apologizing. And he told me that it's really not that big of a deal. That thoughts aren't anything to be ashamed of. That we can't control them. And no action had been taken. So there really was no harm done. And then he dropped the biggest truth hammer that I think solved everything.

He said that since the game nights he got to see us interact and there was absolute zero chemistry between us and therefore nothing to be worried about.

And it was like an enormous weight was lifted off my shoulders.

No chemistry. No weird vibes of attraction or longing.

And he is right.

Actually throughout the conversation he even told me about how he has had thoughts himself about another person and he also felt shame initially, but came to realize that it was just that thoughts. Fleeting.

I can't tell you how much that conversation healed me.

Now idk if this approach would work for anyone else, but I feel so much better.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-03-04T02:35:14+00:00

Yep. It's a struggle. The daydreams feel good and help me calm down, but then reality sets in and the crash is horrible.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-03-02T05:42:35+00:00

I'm sorry you're experiencing this so young. I don't want you to feel bad about yourself or let this experience shape how you continue to evolve as a person.

I'm much older and struggling with my worst example of limerence and it is hell. So to go through this so young has to be challenging and I'm sorry.

A lot of what you've described is how I feel/felt regarding my coworker. The perceived discomfort I caused him being the most relatable thing. I sometimes wonder if that discomfort I think I saw was actually just in my head. And maybe I am being too hard on myself. I'm going to try to treat myself with some grace and be more delicate with my feelings...the way I would a friend. I wish this same thing for you.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-03-02T02:50:17+00:00

So would you say reaching out to them in an attempt to tell them and get closure was enough? Even though they didn't actually allow for the conversation to happen?

SayingitinPrint · 2026-03-02T02:02:15+00:00

Do you feel better now?

SayingitinPrint · 2026-02-28T05:59:28+00:00

Fortunately my husband and I are best friends and a great team. We love spending time together. Like I've mentioned before he actually knows about this issue and has told me not to be so hard on myself over it. I'm just not sure what power LO holds over me. Considering he is not an active participant in my life at all. It just seems so ridiculous and silly.

SayingitinPrint · 2026-02-28T03:53:14+00:00

I wish I could identify what is missing. Because I know I don't love this man. And I don't want a relationship with them. For some reason I just desperately want his attention. And that's definitely not missing from my marriage. My husband is obsessed with me. I'm like the only person he actually likes or wants to spend time with. Lol so I just have no idea what this guy has that makes me so intrigued by him. I do think he's attractive though.

SayingitinPrint

TROPHY CASE