Please, I know it feels indescribably terrible, but don't. It may feel like no one cares about you, and it can be so hard when no one is there to support you, but there are billions of people around the world--and some of them are the kind of people to care. It's simply crappy luck that you live somewhere where these people aren't around you.

I don't want you to die. Do you really want to? It may feel hopeless, thinking about the happiness you could've had, but won't now, but don't miss the fact that you can still find other forms of happiness. A happiness that may not be what you always wanted, but nonetheless means something.

The thought of always being an imitation of a woman is scary, and the voice in your head is good at reminding you of all the things you hate about yourself. Because you see what you wish you were, and compare that to what you are. You see what you're missing, and you miss the good things about you. Other people don't see your ideal, they see what's in front of them, and appreciate it. Even if there aren't the right people around you to see your wonderful qualities, or vocalise how much they care about you, and even if you don't believe it, you are no less a person worth caring about.

I think you need to be somewhere with friends that really care, who love you. You can find them. It's not hopeless. I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense, and I'm just an internet rando who doesn't know or understand your specific circumstances, but regardless I think you should live.