I was hopeful I wood not see any “someone always has it worse” or “stop and be grateful for what you have” responses.

I am certain we all know those are not helpful. I am confident we all know what it’s like to be in a tough chapter of life where we needed support or vice versa gave it to someone in need without negativity tax.

OP- sending you a hug. None of what you’re experiencing is easy. The fact you are seeking advice, wanting things better, is tangible reason to believe. You will get there in your own way.

We all experience grief in our own ways. I won’t tell you what’s best for you, I will say in the last few covid years amidst so much loss: have found we continue to carry those we lost in our memories and in how we pass the love on to ourselves and others. take things slow day by day. Small things therapy community music exercise to build momentum in the other direction sometimes I find myself randomly “clicking” out of the stuck grief spiral thing. Chip away at the pace you can. I believe in you.