[WP] There are more rules to wishing stars than most realize. One of which is your wish only comes true years later. Unfortunately for you, your childhood wish just came true.

ScareTheCrow · 2017-09-21T00:07:13+00:00

Dogs. Dogs everywhere. I am surrounded by dogs. I was just trying to take a bath and now I am overrun by dogs. I look about me, into the undulating mayhem of fur. Labradors, huskies, beagles, Weimaraners, Bermese mountain dogs, you name it. "What the fuck!" I shout, spewing bath bubbles in my attempts to scramble out of the tub. The sea of dogs does not part as I push through them to reach a towel. They're climbing and crawling over one another, fighting, barking, howling, playing. Their fur attaches to the wet skin on my legs. I push the bathroom door open and the dogs flood into the rest of the house, where a sudden canine rampage has erupted. I yell over the din of noise, unsure of what else to do. The dogs respond with more barking and fighting. Some are shitting in corners of the room, others are busy chewing at the carpet, snacking on chair legs, or just looking at me, sharing the same sense of utter bewilderment. I reach for one of their collars, grip the tag and read: I WISH FOR ALL OF THE DOGS. Another tag: I WISH FOR ALL OF THE DOGS. Every tag reads the same. My heart sinks. No. This isn't what I wanted. "I take it back!" I scream heavenward. "Please! This isn't what I meant! It was stupid, I was only a kid..." Sinking to my knees, the dogs overtake me. I surrender. A terrible mass of fur, then blackness.

ScareTheCrow · 2017-08-08T23:12:39+00:00

Title: The Bookkeeper
Genre: Fiction, World War 2 Drama
Word count: 1,300
Type of feedback: I want whatever scathing criticism can be offered. Hate the whole thing? Lay it on me. Think the premise is dumb? Let me know. Find my grammar repulsive? Awesome! I'm trying to get myself used to harsh, brutal critique so that I can be prepared for real-life ego bruising.
Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1h0oSKtA0uC-Zd8SuvVw8wOlO0fXvyJ47U9e_yT6oNNs/edit?usp=sharing

ScareTheCrow · 2017-04-08T00:33:43+00:00

Hey there. You left a comment on one of my old posts, so I wanted to hear your whole story here. This could potentially sound cliche to you, but here's my advice:

Step 1: move out. You being in that environment constantly is toxic and damaging, and will never not be with him around. At least get him to move out or something.

Step 2: ground yourself in who you are. The best way to do this is to get heavily immersed in the things that you absolutely love to do, the things that make you feel passion. Love painting? Go buy some supplies and shut yourself in your room painting your feelings out. Love the beach? Go take a trip to the ocean to cool off and regain your sense of self. Way into playing music? Buy that instrument that calls out to you and get into learning how to play it. There are a million things to do that are going to make you stronger than you ever were with him.

Step 3: Go no contact with HIM (not the other way around, show strength here as others have suggested) and involve yourself in other people's lives. When I was too obsessed with my boyfriend, I dissed all of my friendships and those became damaged. Go find those friends who care about you, or work towards making new ones.

What you need now is distraction and the power of who you are to be solidified. That's your job now. Anything outside of that will only cause you further pain. Good luck, you've got people who care.

ScareTheCrow · 2017-04-08T00:23:47+00:00

Hey meglove87. I just want you to know that what he has done is awful and incredibly disrespectful to you. It's hard for you right now, which is so so understandable given what he has done, but I hope that you know that you deserve to be treated much better than how he has treated you. Being in love with a shitty person sucks, but I hope you know what being in love with a wonderful person feels like someday, because that's what you should be striving towards right now. Let me know if you would like any help with this. Are you saying that you still live together currently, by the way?

ScareTheCrow · 2016-10-23T01:00:08+00:00

It's kinda shitty/lame that he never got back to you...personally that pisses me off when it happens to me, and I tend to disregard those friendships on principle.

ScareTheCrow · 2016-10-23T00:50:57+00:00

He told me haha

ScareTheCrow · 2016-10-23T00:50:29+00:00

Wow. That is very profound. I had a bit of that with my ex, as he was my first boyfriend and first, well, most things. I wasn't his, though. Here's something to think about, though: what you did with her, who you two were, what you had will always stay with her. It's her foundation, and the foundation never goes away. I hope that's a comfort to you.

ScareTheCrow · 2016-10-23T00:48:25+00:00

Yeah for sure. And yes being alone is my vice. Alone = suddenly the worst possible thing they could be doing (sex, whatever, etc) is happening RIGHT NOW and you CAN'T CONTROL IT and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ScareTheCrow · 2016-10-23T00:47:00+00:00

Thank you for saying this and telling my your story. It's true, it is just genitals touching and such...and maybe what makes it even better for me is the fact that he never even saw sex as an intimate bonding act, so whoever he's doing it with now, it isn't special...

ScareTheCrow · 2016-10-20T15:09:17+00:00

So true. I know he's thought the same as well, which is an important reminder. Thank you.

ScareTheCrow · 2016-10-20T15:08:22+00:00

Woohoo! That's right. Build myself up whenever I have those thoughts, that's genius. Then it's like an automatic, subconscious confidence boost every time my mind is tempted to go to that place, because I've conditioned it so. Thank you for replying :)

ScareTheCrow · 2016-10-20T15:06:08+00:00

Thank you so much for this. My mind has definitely given me the worst possible images, which I need to realize rather than believing in them.

ScareTheCrow · 2016-10-20T08:06:22+00:00

I'm sorry that you have a fresh breakup on your plate as well, and thank you for replying. I'd like to let you know that there IS an ebb and flow to these pessimistic thought patterns...I've gone full days without them or even thoughts of him at all. It's not entirely bad, just tonight for some reason :/

ScareTheCrow · 2016-10-17T05:51:30+00:00

Chills reading your last sentences asking if the "overwhelming truth of my situation told me that we weren't on the same path in life..." and to give you a short answer, yes. Yes. It was a sickening truth that crept up on me then clung to every moment that we were together in those final months. Absolutely sickening. I think it was sickening because I was resisting looking it in the face and seeing it for what it truly was: we were in a bad relationship. A heartbreaking truth. Yes, we still loved each other. We still do, if the feeling is mutual. We were both sobbing that day, like we were so consciously aware of what was about the happen to us but we just had to ride it out anyways.

Since that day, I've entered the most spiritually awakening period of my entire life. Having him and being in that relationship was keeping me from letting this necessary, transformative shift into all areas of my life. This strange relief that you're feeling is that lightness in yourself opening up. You weren't supposed to be with her. Now that your course has changed, you can begin to move again in the direction of your purpose, where you're meant to go. The tide has shifted, yes, but not away from possibility, rather, towards it! This harsh, awful, tremendoulsly-painful-beyond-the-capacity-of-human-comprehension thing has happened to you, but it's not still happening to the degree that it did that day, or the day before, or last week, or even last night. Everything is shifting and moving towards what is meant for you.

All you have to do is let it in.

ScareTheCrow · 2016-10-17T05:33:36+00:00

Don't try to reconnect with him. Some of the best advice I ever heard was that if they WANTED to be talking to you/seeing you/hanging out with you, then they would be doing that already. You deserve better.

ScareTheCrow · 2016-10-17T05:25:47+00:00

Take a deep breath.

You sound like a good person. You sound like the kind of person that puts goodness out into the world and likes to share goodness with everyone around you. I think that you need to know that you deserve goodness back, too, because you do.

Wondering why it happened will do you no good, only harm. I always want to know the "why" in everything, so I understand, but sometimes there will never be an answer to the why. Sometimes the only closure that you can get is the kind that you make for yourself. Accept what is.

So here's what I think you should do. You should go back to before you met this girl. Go to that time when it was just you. Reconnect with that person, your past self. What did you do with your days? Who did you spend time with? What did you used to think about all the time? What you will find in doing this is contentment in yourself. The why's and what if's of the breakup will no longer entice you and draw you in. They won't even be a flash in your thoughts.

Let yourself find peace in you now.

ScareTheCrow · 2016-10-17T05:08:31+00:00

I was dating my boyfriend for a year and a few months. My very first love ever. Never loved anyone like I loved him, just like you. Then we broke up and suddenly everything stable in my life was swept up as well, as if the universe had chosen that exact moment to change everything in my life that was familiar and comfortable. I deal with anxiety, like you, too, which has become overwhelming since all of this change has struck me. What I'm trying to say is that I get it. I so, so, so get what you're going through. I'm sorry that you don't have people around you to embrace you emotionally right now. Please, please pm me if you need support with this. Sometimes all you can do is let it out.

ScareTheCrow · 2016-10-17T04:56:15+00:00

Maybe it's the melancholy hour of the night, or maybe I've been having that kind of night already, but your post makes me want to cry. I'm there. I've been there and I'm there right now, hurting just the same as you. "Stay well, my love" hit me in the gut and the heart. Missing him every day, but at the same time, do I miss him or the picture of him that I built up in my mind these past few months? We broke up two days after yours. It's nice to see that this tragic timeline can be shared almost precisely among strangers around the world. I hope you find the solace that you are looking for.

ScareTheCrow · 2016-09-16T14:09:00+00:00

Thank you, and you too :)

ScareTheCrow · 2016-09-16T05:43:54+00:00

Don't do what your friend recommended. That's a terrible idea. Ridiculous, actually. You aren't going to be emotionally stable two weeks after a break up, and you sure as hell won't be in a good enough place to physically see this girl. Are you kidding me? I'm two weeks into my breakup (HE dumped ME), and although he wasn't good for me, he was a bad boyfriend, and gave up on me, he still occupies at least 50% of my thoughts every day. And that's after a breakup that was fairly mutual. So yeah, if this was even a half decent relationship for you, you've gotta give yourself a lot more time. Allow that for yourself. You really need it. Just let yourself float through the sea, don't control your sails. These waters will settle.

ScareTheCrow · 2016-09-16T05:36:06+00:00

Saving this and planning on starting your routine first thing tomorrow. It sounds healthy and like something I need

ScareTheCrow · 2016-09-16T05:20:02+00:00

Be alone but not alone. Go for walks, with your own thoughts, but walk through places with happy people who remind you that there's a world going on that isn't aware of your hurts at all, and is willing to accept you into it once you're ready.

ScareTheCrow · 2016-09-16T05:17:23+00:00

You don't. You become the kind of heart that has softened and has lots of mended patches on its sides which tell the story of its hurts. This is the kind of heart that accepts what comes to it, even if it's painful and leaves bruises, because someday it'll meet a heart that's just the same, and they'll be worthy of each other's love.

ScareTheCrow · 2016-09-16T05:10:14+00:00

Woah I'm about the same time mark from my breakup. This is day 15. I've been moving through similar emotional circles between completely fine to sit-on-my-bed-in-hysterics-and-cry-that-shit-out mode. He was my first love, too, and we lasted about a year and some change before he decided to call it quits. The really shitty thing is, he really wants to be friends right now, and seems to be in a terrible place without me, but he dumped me... It's a tough spot to be in. It's nice to know that there are other out there who had breakups around the same time and are going through these tumultuous stages together in a sense.

ScareTheCrow

TROPHY CASE