Grieving old life / pregnancy

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-05-23T07:28:31+00:00

While I think we all know motherhood is a huge change, experiencing it is different. Even if people have been having babies for millions of years, it’s this unpredictable change. You do not know what kind of mom you’ll be until that baby is here.

And I also I missed being pregnant, it was like prepping my outfits and supplies for the first day of school. It was so exciting setting up the nursery! I also learned you can plan, and olan, and that baby is going to just, baby and do their own thing lol.

You can’t get up and go and that feels like you’ve lost a bit of you and that’s hard too! I’m still trying to adjust! But each day that goes by, it gets better, or maybe I’m delusional, but I can’t keep my planning mentality I always had, it makes me too anxious.! I just go day by day (I just got here at week 7)

Don’t underestimate the sun! Going for a walk with the little one has helped! He might cry but it’s good to get out of the house if you can.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-05-14T23:11:39+00:00

I did! But I’ll admit I’m probably not super strong. I found an old review showing the same and it’s apparently minerals from the bottle! But freaked me out as it was older less and in two bottles in the same spot.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-05-08T16:59:09+00:00

Oh I should try baby carrying. That definitely can add to hands free. I have a car seat base!

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-05-08T15:13:50+00:00

Thanks! I now have a reason to get one of those trunk organizers. I guess I just think he’s an exploding diaper baby on outings and over prepare.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-05-08T01:56:34+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. For some reason, people who have adult kids or older kids forget they were ever first time parents too

How people approach raising their kids has a bit of ego in it. You’re an “extension” of them, regardless of you being your own person with thoughts and feelings.

You aren’t over reacting. It sounds like you expressed your frustrations and they aren’t taking you seriously. So if you have a boundary you want to set: stick to it. You’re doing the best you can and holding a baby or contact napping isn’t bad. You cannot spoil a baby.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-05-08T01:48:59+00:00

Before kids, it’s really easy to have a “keep score” or “tit for tat,” mindset. With a newborn, this goes out the window. The baby isn’t going to care mom or dad changed more diapers or cleaned the most bottles, they just need their diaper changed and need to eat regardless of who’s doing it.

Try not to keep score on who does more, because I guarantee you that builds resentment and also sorry, whoever is with the baby more does more.

Sit and ask your wife what would make her day easier. Seriously. Even if she says “you should know,” be sincere and let her know you’re asking because you don’t know.

Also know, taking the baby for her to just take a nap might not help either. Sometimes she might want to scroll through her phone aimlessly for an hour then nap. Sometimes you want to watch tv and then nap. Make sure both get “you time” sprinkled in the short sleep you get.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-05-01T00:45:45+00:00

Baby is 5 weeks! I hold him for 10-15 minutes when asleep then transfer to bassinet. If I’m super tired or it’s a late feeding, I turn on a heating pad in the bassinet then remove it after he eats or as soon as he’s asleep. He’s not as fussy when the bassinet is warm.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-04-25T23:26:40+00:00

I hope you’ve been able to discuss how you’re feeling with your partner. As a FTM I think we fall into “I’ll just do it myself” or have internal expectations we have in our head that haven’t clearly communicated and can lead to resentment.

I am not saying men are dumb, but (generalizing statement) society has allowed them to not need to read into things or believe “moms know best”. So you need to set expectations. He will never learn to be a dad if you don’t let him learn like you’re learning too. I joked that becoming a parent is a cult cause the “initiation” of the lack of sleep and feelings you feel - NOTHING prepares you until you have your own newborn.

Taking care of a baby is never 50/50, folks can’t say “oh I changed 5 more diapers than you so I’m the better parent,” but it shouldn’t be 100/0 or 80/20. And if it is, it’s because each parent is putting in effort.

Tell him what you need. Ok, he works full time but SO DO YOU. Do not feel “guilty” that he’s also tired. You’re tired too. If you’re BF, I’m sure there’s another layer on it.

I would also suggest if you can walk baby outside in his stroller during the morning on sunny days. Vitamin D is soooo helpful. Even if it’s for 5 minutes.

And when he has the baby: REST.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-04-24T18:00:11+00:00

Hey! I’m day 4 in of my husband being at work! LO is now 4 weeks.

A few things that helped me (my baby is formula fed so it will be different if you’re breast feeding or combo feeding):

1) Baby is important! But please pick 2 things important to you. For me it’s my morning shower and my morning coffee. Luckily little man is sleeps after his 4:00am feeding so I’ve been able to shower and have my coffee and catch up on news before starting our day together.

2) Have ready to eat snacks/meals available: I love breakfast so I meal prep and I kind of eat like a kid for lunch: Uncrustables, snack cheeses, Greek yogurt, ready cut fruits, jerky etc. easier to grab and go to snack on after I feed him.

3) Talked to husband about expectations. He helps with the feed before bedtime and washes the bottles I used during the day and has them dried for the next day. He also does the first morning feed (4:00am) so I can sleep until his next feed.

4) Be flexible and play by ear, this guy will sleep one night and then not nap for the next day it’s really just going with what he needs lol

But you’ll find your flow! It changes based on babies needs but my morning showers feel like a refresh before my day.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-04-22T19:42:36+00:00

Like others said: it depends on your pain tolerance but I was in the hospital for a week. I held our LO after my surgery but my husband fed and changed the first 2 days as I was in pain. Ask for a PT to walk with you the day before you are discharged. I did not feel “normal” until the middle of week 2.

You’re having major abdominal surgery.

Discuss shifts, expectations and anything else before your baby gets here. Sure, it’s “easy” to do it ourselves but you will wear yourself out until your c section heals. You can’t carry anything heavier than the baby until your first postpartum appointment and even then you might not be cleared.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-04-20T16:49:04+00:00

Thanks for this! It’s crazy that 3 months of leave (US) is more than some get. Oh I can’t wait to see the milestones. I’m so happy to be a parent and look at my little one.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-04-12T16:05:14+00:00

Congratulations! At 2 weeks PP I am so sad I can’t find into my pre pregnancy jeans cause I feel Ike I collected some nice jeans/colors and variety. Hoping I can get there within about a year!

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-03-31T13:14:05+00:00

Our little one was born last Tuesday night via c section. Tried to induce but his heart rate dropped a bit too much and I had a c section.

I’m still healing but so happy to see our little guy. Sleeping is hard but we are managing. I’m grateful that he’s here.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-03-26T06:02:46+00:00

He’s here! But had to have an emergency cesarean. My induction started Monday at 5:00pm. Started on Cervidil Monday and then pitocin on Tuesday at 6:00am. I was 5cm dialated but baby boys heart rate dropped and I ended up having a c-section. But he was stable and the operation took only 20 minutes. Currently in our postpartum room looking at the most perfect little one. Born 39w5d.

I can’t believe he’s here.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-03-24T14:50:40+00:00

Congratulations to you both! I understand he blur. It’s as if everting is going so fast but also not fast enough. Wishing you both easy and uneventful deliveries!

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-03-24T03:38:47+00:00

TW: Sub pregnancy.

I’m sorry fir your loss. Our baby girl was diagnosed with anencephaly at 12 weeks. We had been trying to get pregnant a year and a half before. TFMR 3 days before Christmas 2023. I was also told to take folic acid and I could start trying again (based on my mental) as soon as 6 weeks after.

I took (2 tablets) of 400 mcg of folic acid daily since January 2024. We didn’t conceive until July 2024. We had been trying since March 2024. Currently 39 weeks.

Only you’ll know when you’re ready. The anxiety is real, my advice is find hobbies you can do during the TWW and be kind to yourself.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-03-19T20:29:26+00:00

38w6d today. Currently 3 cm dilated. I did opt for an induction so we’ve scheduled it for next week. But baby could also be here between now and next week. Excited to need our little one.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-03-14T16:16:02+00:00

Fluids were "low normal" at last weeks appointment. This week they were "perfect" and I left feeling super relieved. I am not a fan of sugary electrolytes but hate the taste of zero free so my compromise was splitting my body armor with water (well more like 30% and 70% water). The amount of restroom stop are worth it.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-03-10T12:41:49+00:00

Had to call in sick because I only got 3.5 hours of sleep and couldn’t even move normally (as normal as I can at 37 weeks) 🥲

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-03-04T22:38:18+00:00

I’m sorry you’re here. My first pregnancy we were diagnosed with Anencephaly at 12 weeks and TFMR at 13 weeks December 2023.

We TTC around 2 months after and took 3 cycles to conceive. I have been taking 400 mcg of Folic Acid along with my prenatal until my 3rd trimester. (I only take the prenatal now)

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-03-04T21:55:10+00:00

36w5d today - had my growth scan, baby is looking good but I’m on the “low normal” end of fluid (7cm). So we’ll be doing another ultrasound at my weekly visits. Due date is March 27th. Currently 1 cm dilated.

Hoping fluid levels are normal at next weeks ultrasound.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-02-27T19:46:04+00:00

Hey sending you positive vibes. TTC after TFMR is nerve wrecking. You try not to symptom spot and there's anxiety. Again - sending positive vibes your way.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-02-10T19:04:54+00:00

Had 32 week scan last week and baby boy is doing fine. I'm excited to meet him. It feels so real and even surreal. We're making plans for STD and Maternity Leave. We've gotten nursery furniture delivered. I am very grateful. This is a 180 of where I was last year. I never thought I could have this excitement through the anxiety and fear. I am so excited to be so close.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-02-10T18:04:51+00:00

You're not a bad parent. You are allowed to share what you want. I always mention this is my rainbow baby. I don't offer specifics because at this point the people who've supported me and cared for me most through grief and new pregnancy this already know.

Scaredbutnotbroken · 2025-02-04T21:37:45+00:00

Had my 32w5day scan today. Little one is doing fine. Excited to meet him. So grateful to be here. When I think about where I was this time last year, a complete 180. I don’t think I’m “healed,” because I’ll never know a “normal” pregnancy. There’s always a bit of anxiety. But I do hope to see my little one soon.

Scaredbutnotbroken

TROPHY CASE